But how can I begin writing when I do not know whether I shall have time enough, and the torture comes when you say to yourself, 'Yesterday there would have been enough time'--and again you think, 'If only I had begun yesterday ...' And instead of the clear and precise work that is needed, instead of a gradual preparation of the soul for that morning when it will have to get up, when--when you, soul, will be offered the executioner's pail to wash in--Instead, you involuntarily indulge in banal senseless dreams of escape--alas, of escape ...