Did I ever tell you that they nearly cut my dick off?' 'No,' I said, uncertain whether this was something that had really happened or something he was misremembering in his delirium. 'It's true,' he said. 'The night before the Gardai found me. They said that I had a choice. That they'd either pop one of my eyes out or cut my dick off. They told me I could choose which.' 'Jesus,' I said. 'I mean I would have said my eye, of course. Probably the one on the other side to the missing ear, just to balance things out. But can you imagine if they had cut my dick off? I wouldn't be lying here right now, would I? None of this would have happened.' 'That's one way of looking at it,' I said. 'They would have saved my life.' 'Maybe.' 'No, you're right. I'd be dead already because I'd probably have killed myself if they'd cut my dick off. There's no way I would have gone through my life dickless. It's amazing, isn't it, how one small part of our anatomy completely controls our lives?