"Cyanide," I explained. "You can't kill him with that." Curran grimaced. "It's not for him. It's for me." They stared at me. "People were dying," I said. "He was laughing, and all I could do was to sit tight and be safe." Curran growled. "You think it's easy for me?" "No. But you're used to it. You have experience with responsibility for people's lives. I don't. I don't want anybody else to die for me. I'm up to my knees in blood as is." "I had to send three patrols out," Curran said. "Because of you. None of them died, but they could have. All because you couldn't stand to not be the center of attention for a few minutes." "You're an asshole." "Fuck you." I started sniffing. "What the hell is that stink? Oh, wait a minute, it's you. You reek. Did you dine on skunk or is that your natural odor?" "That's enough," Mahon roared, startling both of us into silence. "You're acting like children. Curran, you've missed your meditation, and you need one. Kate, there is a punching bag in your room. Make use of it." "Why do I have to punch the bag while he meditates?" I mumbled on the way out. "Because he breaks the bags when he punches them," Mahon said."