I briefly considered getting a cat, but then decided against it because I didn't want to be one of those people. You know what I mean. My grandmother, Gigi (Mom's mom), was one of them. She'd make tuna fish and then sit in her old chair, which smelled like Bengay and broken dreams, and chew it, then open her mouth and let her cat eat it right then and there. She said it was because Mrs. Tingles was too old to chew her own food and she wanted to give her a treat. I told her I was the only person in the world who had a grandmother who made out with her cat and smelled like fish while doing so. My grandmother wondered aloud if that made her a lesbian.