"I also had to deal with the fact that I simply could not express the level of antiracist outrage I wanted to, knowing something that no one else would know unless I said it out loud: despite my politics and liberalism, when a group of young black men in my neighborhood walk by, my gut reaction is to brace myself in a different way than I would if those men were white. I hate this about myself, but if I said that there is not residual racism in me, racism that -- after forty-four years of being reinforced by messages in the media and culture around me -- I simply do not know how to escape, I would be lying. Even if I do own an "eracism" bumper sticker."