At this stage, I was also living a pretty unhealthy lifestyle. I was eating too much, smoking, and drinking (which is always daft), and not training at all. Predictably, I piled on the pounds and looked pretty rough. But I just wanted to get away from fitness and training and being focused and all of that. I wanted a life. Away from the military, away from the mountains, away from pressure. All through university, while my friends had played, I had worked my guts out on SAS Selection, and then on Everest. Now I just wanted a break. Eventually, I remember doing one of my earliest TV interviews and watching myself in horror afterward. I looked bloated and pale. I realized that if I didn't get a hold of this and rein it all back, I would be in danger of never doing anything else of value with my life. That wasn't in my game plan. I didn't want to live in the past--just talking about Everest and looking like a has-been. If I was to move on and make something of all that I had risked and built over the past few years, then I needed to start walking the talk. It was time to get fit again. Going through this phase, though, did confirm in my mind that at least Shara wasn't marrying me for either my looks or money. I was both broke and bloated. She, bless her, still loved me all the same.