Still I know that I am a million times more worthless in my soul than she is, and that her lofty feelings--are as sincere as a heavenly angel's! That's the tragedy, that I know it for certain. What's wrong with declaiming a little? Am I not declaiming? But I am sincere, I really am sincere. As for Ivan, I can understand with what a curse he must look at nature now, and with his intelligence, too! To whom, to what has the preference been given? It has been given to a monster, who even here, already a fiance and with all eyes looking at him, was not able to refrain from debaucheries--and that right in front of his fiancee, right in front of his fiancee! And a man like me is preferred, and he is rejected. Why? Because a girl wants to violate her life and destiny, out of gratitude! Absurd!