Some might think that acting all modest and yet feeling all megalomaniacal is dishonest. I say it's a cultural thing. And of course it's not megalomania (well, if it is, I'm the worst person to judge - just don't put me in charge of soldiers), it's just general high self-esteem. And it means that when I do have moments of self-loathing, I don't feel worthless but that I've let myself down - which implies that, even when feeling low, I still sense that there's something to let down.