In the light of this reasoning, life seems like a long nightmare from which one can free oneself with death, which would then be like a kind of awakening. But awaken to what? The unwillingness to throw myself into absolute and eternal nothingness is what has kept me from all these attempts at suicide. In spite from everything, man has such an attachment to all that exists that he prefers to put up with its imperfection and the pain of its ugliness, rather than destroy the phantasmagoria with an act of his own will.