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caed0ad
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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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Emo Philips |
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0d64f7c
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Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"
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Emo Philips |
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15e8269
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How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Emo Philips |
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b397b5d
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People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
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Emo Philips |
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4ea2839
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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Emo Philips |
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f8b547a
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I ran three miles today... finally I said, "Lady, take your purse."
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Emo Philips |
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250b53b
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People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
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Emo Philips |
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6c0d614
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Well, my brother says "hello"! So, hooray for speech therapy.
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Emo Philips |
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477dce3
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Ambiguity -- the Devil's volleyball.
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Emo Philips |
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2039053
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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Emo Philips |
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41af2a1
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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Emo Philips |
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097c9ab
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My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.
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Emo Philips |
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3a431bd
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So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
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Emo Philips |
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9b9e6da
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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Emo Philips |
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263ddf5
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I like walking in the park... plucking out nose hairs. Those sleeping winos hate that.
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Emo Philips |