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14050df
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I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you're frowning and crying all the time and saying "why? why?", they get worried." --
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positive
burly
frowning
why
crying
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John Swartzwelder |
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f67b844
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I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat.
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muscle
weight
fat
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John Swartzwelder |
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9c379a9
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I made a circular motion with my finger around my temple to indicate I thought this guy was crazy, forgetting that there was no one in the room to see this circular motion except him. He saw it and frowned.
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circular
frowned
motion
crazy
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John Swartzwelder |
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3ba919e
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I was sleeping like a baby - waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants.
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John Swartzwelder |
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633405f
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The guy who was punching me was a lot burlier than I was, so it hurt plenty. But I tried to pretend it didn't bother me at all, that I actually liked it. It was hard to do this convincingly, because he had kind of knocked the wind out of me there, so all I could do was smile and wink and give him the thumbs up while I waited to be able to breath again. He thought I was making fun of him and started punching me in the stomach harder. Meanwhi..
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John Swartzwelder |
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77e2260
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The next day, a dead turtle was left on my doorstep as a warning. I couldn't figure out as a warning for what, and I guess whoever was watching me picked up on that, because the next morning there was another dead turtle, but this one had several sheets of paper glued to it's back leg. The pieces of paper contained a long footnoted explanation of all the symbolism involved. It didn't make a lot of sense to me. The turtle was the "turtle of ..
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John Swartzwelder |
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f85ec99
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Kids have too much money these days, if you ask me.
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John Swartzwelder |
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bb25363
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It's tough to make a living in my racket. Most people who need detecting done just go to the cops. They're free. I have to charge money for essentially the same service. Another thing that makes it tough is that I'm not the best detective in town. In fact in this building you have to pass the offices of three detectives who are better than me to get to my place. So I guess I lose some business that way.
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John Swartzwelder |
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3fa7634
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This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days."
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insult
humour
humor
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John Swartzwelder |
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74413b2
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I've been told by people that I'm shaped kind of like a garbage can, but I don't know if that's the truth, or just some kind of an insult.
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John Swartzwelder |
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6f22aea
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I indicated that I had some free time at the moment and was willing to investigate what sounded like a most important case. "How much do you charge?" he asked. "$500 a day, plus expenses." "Will the expenses make it less?" "Possibly, but in my experience expenses usually add to the total." He thought about this for a moment, then frowned. "Well, I suppose I should just forget about it then. Spending $500 a day to find something worth $20 wo..
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John Swartzwelder |
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cbbe077
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He told me the crooks used this place for more than just a dumping ground for undesirables. He said they also had a lot of food stored here in case there was ever a nuclear war. That way they could insure that in the future there would still be criminals.
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John Swartzwelder |
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5619aff
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I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat. It's important to have that layer of fat. You can't have guys hitting you in your muscles all the time. But that extra padding also cushions the blow for your opponent's fists, which allows him to slug you longer and with more abandon. So that layer of fat is both a good and a bad thing, I guess. It works both ways is what I'm saying.
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John Swartzwelder |
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328abdf
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I was just turning away to leave when I noticed a slight distortion in the air in the shape of a hole at the point where Blinky had disappeared. It was so faint you couldn't see it if you were looking directly at it. You had to kind of catch it out of the corner of your eye. I put my hand in the middle of this distortion and not only did my hand vanish, but I could feel it being sucked down deeper into the hole. I yanked it out, after some ..
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John Swartzwelder |
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9a63e4d
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Now, I'm not the most observant of men, which is unfortunate, because I'm a private eye.
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John Swartzwelder |
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42075c1
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Any calls?" I asked. She didn't look up from her magazine. "What am I, your secretary?" "Yes." "Look, just leave me alone."
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John Swartzwelder |
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85991fe
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Everybody loves a good car chase. There's something in it for everyone: plenty of high-speed action, lots of crashes and explosions, romance possibly, and all the property damage you could reasonably want. And nobody ever seems to get seriously hurt. I lost track of how many times a cop car behind me crashed and burned and all I could hear back there was: "Are you okay?" and "Of course I'm okay." And whenever I crashed my truck I yelled out..
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John Swartzwelder |
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d42e4e3
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I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you're frowning and crying all the time and saying "why? why?", they get worried. So I try to stay upbeat."
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John Swartzwelder |
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b4d8f45
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As my exciting story opens, I am being punched in the stomach. But I guess a lot of stories start that way.
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John Swartzwelder |