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540bda2
|
I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.
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suicide
sadness
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Ned Vizzini |
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6f31d09
|
I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?
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suicide
sadness
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Ned Vizzini |
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6ca52c8
|
I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.
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suicide
sadness
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Ned Vizzini |
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fe072ff
|
People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.
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Ned Vizzini |
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dca3a54
|
Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you j..
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suicide-note
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Ned Vizzini |
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984df82
|
I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.
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Ned Vizzini |
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d9626db
|
I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.
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moving-on
living
regrets
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Ned Vizzini |
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fc2cfe3
|
Things to do today: 1) Breathe in. 2) Breathe out.
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Ned Vizzini |
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c890c21
|
I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." "Is there something wrong with that?" "Absolutely."
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suicide
sadness
therapy
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Ned Vizzini |
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3b1a999
|
Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.
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Ned Vizzini |
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aea84b6
|
I don't owe people anything, and I don't have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.
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Ned Vizzini |
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c6c4b52
|
Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.
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depression
life
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Ned Vizzini |
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5de859e
|
I'm smart but not enough--just smart enough to have problems.
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|
Ned Vizzini |
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308a4ee
|
I just want to not be me.
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Ned Vizzini |
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8db1498
|
Life's not about feeling better, it's about getting the job done.
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Ned Vizzini |
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545b4ef
|
See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.
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Ned Vizzini |
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417330c
|
Life can't be cured, but it can be managed.
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Ned Vizzini |
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ba12848
|
I'm not better, you know. The weight hasn't left my head. I feel how easily I could fall back into it, lie down and not eat, waste my time and curse wasting my time, look at my homework and freak out and go and chill at Aaron's, look at Nia and be jealous again, take the subway home and hope that it has an accident, go and get my bike and head to the Brooklyn Bridge. All of that is still there. The only thing is, it's not an option now. It'..
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Ned Vizzini |
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64f9dd9
|
That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.
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Ned Vizzini |
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c6de9ea
|
So why am I depressed? That's the million-dollar question, baby, the Tootsie Roll question; not even the owl knows the answer to that one. I don't know either. All I know is the chronology.
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Ned Vizzini |
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eb73bef
|
Some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle.
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Ned Vizzini |
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67dbdd0
|
Since I was a kid." "Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.'" "Right."
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suicide
sadness
|
Ned Vizzini |
|
2851e4f
|
What happened when you woke up?" "I was having a dream. I don't know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin." "Like a brick in the groin, I see." "I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare." ..
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|
|
Ned Vizzini |
|
afa1766
|
I should be a success and I'm not and other people- younger people- are. Younger people than me are on TV and getting their lives in order. I'm still a nobody. When am I going to not be a nobody?
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Ned Vizzini |
|
e792161
|
I wanted to tell people, "My depression is acting up today" as an excuse for not seeing them, but I never managed to pull it off."
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|
people
mental-ward
excuse
|
Ned Vizzini |
|
1716403
|
No," mom says, looking at me in the eyes. "What's a triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to LIVE. THAT'S a triumph. that's what you did today."
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Ned Vizzini |
|
34cdeef
|
Life is a nightmare.
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|
Ned Vizzini |
|
8badf3f
|
The absolute worst part of being depressed is the food. A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships. I don't think your relationship with your parents is that important. Some people never know their parents. I don't think your relationship with your friends are important. But your relationship with air-that's key. You can't break up with air. You're kind of stuck together. Only slightly less crucial is wat..
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Ned Vizzini |
|
a9a6775
|
Depression starts slow.
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|
Ned Vizzini |
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0fd6e64
|
My family shouldn't have to put up with me. They're good people, solid, happy. Sometimes when I'm with them I think I'm on television.
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Ned Vizzini |
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2dabbae
|
It's tough to get out of bed; I know that myself. You can lie there for an hour and a half without thinking anything, just worrying about what the day holds and knowing that you won't be able to deal with it.
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Ned Vizzini |
|
a18f8ba
|
The stuff adults tell you not to do is the easiest.
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Ned Vizzini |
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850aedc
|
I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living.
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Ned Vizzini |
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6382f2e
|
Ski. Sled. Play basketball. Jog. Run. Run. Run. Run home. Run home and enjoy. Enjoy. Take these verbs and enjoy them. They're yours, Craig. You deserve them because you chose them. You could have left them all behind but you chose to stay here. So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live.
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Ned Vizzini |
|
befc3e0
|
Sometimes when you open a book, time stops.
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Ned Vizzini |
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c25e261
|
I want to live but I want to die. What do I do?
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Ned Vizzini |
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5c5602d
|
What am I always going to do? I'm going to go home and freak out.I'm going to sit with my family and try not to talk about myself and what's wrong. Im going to try and eat. Then I'm going to try and sleep. I dread it. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?
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|
|
Ned Vizzini |
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e7687f5
|
That made me happy. That was my Anchor.
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Ned Vizzini |
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ab5467b
|
She doesn't want to end up like me. At least I'm giving someone an example not to follow.
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Ned Vizzini |
|
ec10e11
|
I feel dead, wasted, awful, broken and useless. It's not the kind of feeling you forget.
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Ned Vizzini |
|
add4f8a
|
I have a system with bathrooms. I spend a lot of time in them. They are sanctuaries, public places of peace spaced throughout the world for people like me.
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sanctuary
|
Ned Vizzini |
|
d5a54eb
|
And I could have died right then. And considering how things went, I really should have.
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|
Ned Vizzini |
|
1cc2aa3
|
Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and lay in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.
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|
|
Ned Vizzini |
|
261306f
|
The Shift is coming. The Shift has to be coming. Because if you keep living like this you'll die.
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|
Ned Vizzini |