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7c2b5a5
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That's what's so ironic about the conservative backlash against BDSMers. With increased visibility comes increased bigotry, and conservatives continue to rally against kinky events by local groups to get them shut down. What the anti-kink fanatics don't understand about us is that we're geeks. Sex nerds. SM intellectuals. We pay money to spend a weekend going to classes.
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conservativism
kink
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Tristan Taormino |
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c155eba
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You are the evil scientist of your desires. - Ignacio Rivera
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sexuality
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Tristan Taormino |
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2fb7c0c
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Fear triggers the fight-or-flight response, fueled by adrenaline, which, as it turns out, is chemically related to amphetamines. Granted, it's a very different kind of high for mindfuckers: not a mellow, floaty "my vulva is one with the universe" high but a jittery, revved-up "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck" kind of high. Endorphins are like great downers but adrenaline is uppers all the way. And it's just as addictive. Don't believe me? Go ask an..
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bdsm
edge-play
sexuality
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Tristan Taormino |
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93245dd
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Nonmonogamous folks recognize that during a lifetime you can and will be attracted to other people even if you are in a wonderful, fulfilling relationship; they make room in their relationship for these attractions rather than allow them to cause anxiety, jealousy, and unreasonable expectations.
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Tristan Taormino |
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b86a75b
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I think we are doing poor sex education if we don't look at how erotic behavior actually takes place, and offer people interventions that are reasonable. - Pat Califia
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sex-education
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Tristan Taormino |
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1bb7cf3
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Nonmonogamous folks are constantly engaged in their relationships: they negotiate and establish boundaries, respect them, test them, and, yes, even violate them. But the limits are not assumed or set by society; they are consciously chosen.
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Tristan Taormino |
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f057694
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Sex-positive feminism embraces the entire range of human sexuality and is based on the idea that sexual freedom is an essential component of women's freedom. - Madison Young
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freedom
sex-positive
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Tristan Taormino |
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b5e7e6d
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Another [interviewee] told me that because her relationships aren't built on false ideas about exclusivity forever, she feels more cherished by her partners; she said, "There is an investment in what we have rather than what we should have."
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Tristan Taormino |
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88167af
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Open marriage thus can be defined as a relationship in which the partners are committed to their own and to each other's growth. It is an honest and open relationship of intimacy and self-disclosure based on the equal freedom and identity of both partners.
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Tristan Taormino |
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47dc46c
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Open relationships can give you the freedom to create unique relationships, explore yourself and your sexuality, and challenge society's expectations.
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Tristan Taormino |
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42cbffa
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This is the myth of finding "the One": the one partner you're "meant" to be with, your soul mate, your Prince Charming, the girl of your dreams. Nonmonogamous folks reject this myth and acknowledge that no one person can be, or should be expected to be, everything for another."
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Tristan Taormino |
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8b26e2b
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People in open relationships enjoy exploring different dynamics with different people-sexual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Non-monogamy gives them the opportunity to create unique relationships that nourish and support each other.
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Tristan Taormino |
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dbafcf1
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Eli likes to explore with other people different kinds of sex that his partner doesn't enjoy; he says, 'It enables me to show different aspects of my sexuality to those who appreciate them most.
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Tristan Taormino |
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f181235
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EXERCISE Creating Authentic Relationships The questions below deal with issues most people take for granted and let society define for them. You can start with a blank canvas and create your own definitions. * How do you define intimacy and closeness? * What constitutes a relationship for you? * Are there different types of relationships you wish you could have? * How long should a significant relationship last? * What is sex? Is it interco..
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Tristan Taormino |
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a873c62
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It is a relationship that is flexible enough to allow for change and that is constantly being renegotiated in the light of changing needs, consensus in decision-making, acceptance and encouragement of individual growth, and openness to new possibilities for growth.
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Tristan Taormino |
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f2df77b
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You can't plan for everything: obstacles will still come up that you never talked about-that it never even occurred to you to discuss. Issues that you never anticipated will push your buttons. Behavior that you thought wouldn't make you jealous will. So, consider as many details as you can beforehand, and be ready for new ones to pop up.
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Tristan Taormino |
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3e810bc
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Honestly, everyone loves more than one person and people often lie about that. We're just not lying about it'...
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Tristan Taormino |
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9db38c1
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If society treated sex with any dignity or respect, both pornographers and prostitutes would have status, which they obviously had at one time. The sexual women of antiquity were the artists and writers of sexual love. Since organized religions have made all forms of sexual pleasure evil, no modern equivalent exists today.
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Tristan Taormino |
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6b3935d
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If the conversation is about one partner's jealousy or other intense feelings, your first goal should be to listen. Reassure her of your commitment to the relationship. At the moment when a partner is having intense feelings such as hurt, insecurity, jealousy, or betrayal, acknowledge those feelings, validate and respect them, even if you don't understand them. Don't try to talk anyone out of how they're feeling with rational arguments; tel..
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Tristan Taormino |
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535a81e
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Hotel-Room Coffee Tables I'll admit to this one. They're just not as sturdy as they look. It's really hard to find wood glue at 9 a.m., before checkout.
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Tristan Taormino |
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b3e9cd3
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I don't disagree with all of what you do," he said, "but I think it's entirely unjust that you receive checks from the government for your homosexuality." I stared at him with my mouth full of fries. "Oh, it's not that bad," I said, "I only get half as much because I'm bisexual." --
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Tristan Taormino |
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a7cd55c
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Jealousy is really an umbrella term for a constellation of feelings including envy, competitiveness, insecurity, inadequacy, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved, and feeling left out. To say simply "I am jealous" is far too vague, since it means different things to different people and it manifests itself in so many diverse ways."
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Tristan Taormino |
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2405c61
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It would be unwise to agree to nonmonogamy for the following reasons or with these hidden motives: * You're so in love with the person that while your gut is telling you no, you decide to say yes and will deal with it later. * You believe your partner likes the idea as an abstract concept, but it won't actually happen. * You agree to it, but secretly know you'll be "enough" for your partner and she won't ever want anyone else. * Although yo..
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Tristan Taormino |
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6bbdfb1
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I}t is more common that people are monogamous not by choice, but by default.
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Tristan Taormino |
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286e2e8
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Well-meaning friends suggest that I should drop the word "feminist," and perhaps the entire concept, because feminism is so "old hat." Young women today have lost interest in feminism because they believe it's antisex and that all feminists are man haters. Let me tell you something, girlfriends. That's exactly what the powers-that-be want us to think and do."
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Tristan Taormino |
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5868068
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In order for women to progress, we must question all authority, be willing to challenge any rule aimed at controlling our sexual behavior, and avoid doing business as usual, thereby maintaining the status quo.
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Tristan Taormino |
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9c646e0
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The basic principle of S/M was that all sexual activity between one or more adults had to be consensual and required a verbal negotiation, followed by an agreement between the players. All my years of romantic sex, when we tried to read each other's minds, were basically nonconsensual sex.
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Tristan Taormino |
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87b7396
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Buxton says that when one partner in a marriage comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, about a third of the couples break up right away, a third break up after about two years, and a third stay married indefinitely.3 We don't know a whole lot about that last third--the more than 30 percent of mixed-orientation marriages that remain intact. From the research I've read, many of them are negotiating open relationships, but few consider themse..
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Tristan Taormino |
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6f76738
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One study showed that an individual in an open relationship tends to be "individualistic, an academic achiever, creative, nonconforming, stimulated by complexity and chaos, inventive, relatively unconventional and indifferent to what others said, concerned about his/her own personal values and ethical systems, and willing to take risks to explore possibilities." Because open relationships require well-developed relationship skills, people i..
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Tristan Taormino |
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36add5c
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Buxton says that when one partner in a marriage comes out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, about a third of the couples break up right away, a third break up after about two years, and a third stay married indefinitely.3 We don't know a whole lot about that last third--the more than 30 percent of mixed-orientation marriages that remain intact. From the research I've read, many of them are negotiating open relationships, but few consider themse..
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Tristan Taormino |
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915c602
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The truth is, many people do not consciously choose monogamy; society chooses it for them, and it becomes the default.
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Tristan Taormino |
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63d1341
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Because you make lesbian fist-fucking videos," he said."
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Tristan Taormino |
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51078fb
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Emotionalism without intellect from victims without power was how lynch mobs and nationwide hate groups were formed--the basic strategy of fascism, I concluded with a shiver.
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Tristan Taormino |