|
0ef3796
|
Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? If so, then you're t..
|
|
humor
comics
|
Warren Ellis |
|
0208c23
|
By four o'clock, I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the entire world instead.
|
|
suicide
optimism
|
Warren Ellis |
|
afb5a97
|
I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER
|
|
inspirational
tattoos
first-aid
|
Warren Ellis |
|
bb46c51
|
Tradition:' one of those words conservative people use as a shortcut to thinking.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
79a8355
|
Dance like you're stamping on a human face forever, love like you've been in a serious car crash that minced the front of your brain, stab like no one can arrest you, and live like there's no such thing as God.
|
|
mad
inspirational
comics
|
Warren Ellis |
|
30383e0
|
The book is almost always better than the movie. You could have no better case in point than FROM HELL, Alan Moore's best graphic novel to date, brilliantly illustrated by Eddie Campbell. It's hard to describe just how much better the book is.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
62afe28
|
Be authentic to your dreams. Be authentic to your own idea about yourself. Grind away at your own minds and bodies until you become your own invention. Be Mad Scientists.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
9470f02
|
There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long-- PEOPLE. No matter how big the idea they all stand under, people are small and weak and cheap and frightened. It's people that kill every revolution.
|
|
revolution
|
Warren Ellis |
|
0fb3b7d
|
Journalism is just a gun. It's only got one bullet in it, but if you aim right, that's all you need. Aim it right, and you can blow a kneecap off the world.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
ecd4ff7
|
You want to know about voting. I'm here to tell you about voting. Imagine you're locked in a huge underground night-club filled with sinners, whores, freaks and unnameable things that rape pitbulls for fun. And you ain't allowed out until you all vote on what you're going to do tonight. You like to put your feet up and watch "Republican Party Reservation". They like to have sex with normal people using knives, guns, and brand new sexual org..
|
|
voting
|
Warren Ellis |
|
f28b5f1
|
He'd always liked women who'd talk back to him just a little bit. "Girls with balls" were good. Women with an actual mind of their own who could prove him wrong in something were, of course, castrating bitches who should be drowned in bottomless wells."
|
|
women
hypocrisy
sexism
|
Warren Ellis |
|
b0c93bb
|
My grandfather had died, and my mother was trying to explain it to me. . . .Grandpa isn't coming back? No, she said. Not ever again. . . . And I remember saying, hold everything right fucking there. You went to all the trouble of conceiving me, and giving birth to me, and raising me and clothing me and all . . . and you make me cry and things hurt so much and disappointments crush my heart every day and I can't do half the things I want to ..
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
7667e96
|
So this Zealot comes to my door, all glazed eyes and clean reproductive organs, asking me if I ever think about God. So I tell him I killed God. I tracked God down like a rabid dog, hacked off his legs with a hedge trimmer, raped him with a corncob, and boiled off his corpse in an acid bath. So he pulls an alternating-current taser on me and tells me that only the Official Serbian Church of Tesla can save my polyphase intrinsic electric fie..
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
50dda62
|
Listen to the Chair Leg of Truth! It does not lie!
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
3729477
|
Hi. I'm Spider Jerusalem. I smoke. I take drugs. I drink. I wash every six weeks. I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen down from my window into your hair and food. I'm a rich and respected columnist for a major metropolitan newspaper. I live with two beautiful women in the city's most expensive and select community. Being a bastard works.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
ce23f5c
|
You're probably wondering why there's never any good news. I mean, I've been doing this job a few months now. I've been soaking up the paper every week, same as you, and watching the same newsfeeds as you. I got the same list burned into the front of my head as you. Death. Horror. Bad sex. Living nightmares. Each day a little further down the spiral. There's never any good news because they know you. I mean, here's the top of today's col..
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
558efff
|
You people don't know what the truth is! It's there, just under their bullshit, but you never look! That's what I hate most about this fucking city-- LIES ARE NEWS AND TRUTH IS OBSOLETE!
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
e8cf31a
|
Listen, when some asshole pulls a gun on me, he loses his right to a warm milky drink and fucking cuddles, okay?
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
3c4901c
|
Bugger this. I want a better world.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
1965fd7
|
You must remember that the common criminal will always join the armed forces for, if nothing else, regular meals and expert training in the use of guns.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
a1e10d4
|
Shopping for clothes is a Boyfriend Thing. You stand around and look blankly at a bunch of pieces of fabric and you look at the price tags and you wonder how something that'd barely cover your right nut can cost the price of a kidney and you watch the shop assistants check you out and wonder what you're doing with her because she's cute and you're kind of funny-looking and she tries clothes on and you look at her ass in a dozen different it..
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
1639523
|
When I got the tattoo, I knew I was drawing a crooked line between myself and society.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
497e932
|
I remember first learning about death quite vividly. I'm not sure how old I was, but I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. My grandfather had died, and my mother was trying to explain it to me. 'Sometimes, when someone gets ill, and they're very very old, they don't get better again. They just get iller and iller and then... then their body stops working.' 'I don't understand.' 'What's in them just goes away, and doesn't come b..
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
52ad2d8
|
Don't live with writers. Writers are bastards.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
2b1e142
|
Magic is the cheat codes for the world.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
87a4bca
|
You think that drinking with a serial killer takes you into the midnight currents of the culture? I say bullshit. There's been twelve TV documentaries, three movies and eight books about me. I'm more popular than any of these designed-by-pedophile pop moppets littering the music television and the gossip columns. I've killed more people than Paris Hilton has desemenated, I was famous before she was here and I'll be famous after she's gone. ..
|
|
murder
black-humour
irony-of-life
serial-killers
|
Warren Ellis |
|
8809f43
|
He was in blue jeans and a work shirt, which is another weird quirk of Rich Old Men. Just one of the guys here. Blue jeans and a work shirt, salt of the earth, working man like yourself. Like they're somehow uncomfortable about being rich enough to sleep in a bed made of vaginas being pulled around the town at night by a fleet of gold-covered midgets.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
b4e0a33
|
I've died before. It was boring, so I stood up.
|
|
funny
humor
comics
graphic-novels
moon-knight
warren-ellis
|
Warren Ellis |
|
ae219d4
|
Wolves ate even mighty hunters, for there was no honor or code among predators, and everyone's guts steam the same way when torn open on a cold night.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
78bf42e
|
I want vasopressin, washed caffeine, Jumpstart, ginkgo biloba, guarana, and any intelligence enhancer introduced in the last five years.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
cff3a95
|
The two most dangerous things in the world are rich people and crazy people. The Roanokes are rich like pharoahs and crazier'n a snake-fucking baby.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
808ae97
|
You know what this is? - Nope - It's a bowel disruptor. And you are just full of shit.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
2f1a649
|
You know what they say; if you're tired of London, you're tired of life.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
9b7481e
|
We may have been crazed, strange and entirely too eager to find new things to have sex with - but we went out to preserve great chunks of this planet's cultures and we damned well did it with some style
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
eb2b642
|
What if I left my memory in the future and I have to catch up to it?
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
d84b1aa
|
Elijah Snow: 'Who have you pissed off this time, John?' John Stone: 'Sumatran robot death sluts -- Dammit, ONE of these buttons fires the atomic death biter --
|
|
john-stone
|
Warren Ellis |
|
aa72a64
|
I'm sorry. Is that too harsh an observation for you? Does that sound too much like the Truth? Fuck you. If anyone in this shithole city gave two tugs of a dead dog's cock about Truth, this wouldn't be happening.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
99d863f
|
I want something that'll give me the stamina of a young werewolf, the vision of a shaman, the thoughts of a serial killer and the gentleness of a hungry vampire bat.
|
|
shaman
stamina
vampire-bat
spider-jerusalem
werewolf
|
Warren Ellis |
|
129a9bb
|
I wish I still had that photo.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
89e8146
|
That means that the universe is two-dimensional. Matter, energy, time, you, me and the floor are holograms.
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
c629785
|
All the time, I was telling myself, just enjoy it for what it is, don't be weird, don't get all screwed up over something it isn't. The usual mantra when you're with someone who you're not really with and desperately want to be. Have you noticed how telling yourself all that shit never actually helps?
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
d7a1671
|
Another day down the mines of our lives. We drink 'til we stink and smoke 'til we choke because that's how we get things done, you and me. Spending our lives making things and making things out of our lives, because anything else would be dull as hell and we're damned if we're going to sit at the other end of whatever years we get saying, well, what the fuck was that for? Years of scars, lipstick and tears, and every day the dawn comes on w..
|
|
|
Warren Ellis |
|
9989854
|
Think about it; the quicktank is given a job most of us would laugh out of town. Build a sophisticated camera capable of full 3-D input and peripheral pickup, using only water and jelly. Build an eye.
|
|
science
spider-jerusalem
|
Warren Ellis |
|
95e4d2c
|
You know what it's like, finding eight middle-aged guys having tantric sex with ostriches?
|
|
middle-age
ostrich
tantric-sex
|
Warren Ellis |