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When shame is met with compassion and not received as confirmation of our guilt, we can begin to see how slant a lens it has had us looking through. That awareness lets us step back far enough to see that if we can let it go, we will see ourselves as clean where we once thought we were dirty. We will remember our innocence. We will see how our shame supported a system in which the perpetrators were protected and we bore the brunt of their offense -- first in its actuality, then again in carrying their shame for it. If the method we chose to try to beat out shame was perfectionism, we can relax now, shake the burden off our shoulders, and give ourselves a chance to loosen up and make some errors. Hallelujah! Our freedom will not come from tireless effort and getting it all exactly right.
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abuser
abusers
burdens-of-the-past
child-rape
child-sexual-abuse
false-guilt
freedom
guilt
healing
healing-from-abuse
healing-insights
imperfect
incest
innocence
innocence-lost
offense
peptrator
perfectionism
perfectly-imperfect
perpetrators
recovery
recovery-from-abuse
sexual-abuse
shame
survivors
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Maureen Brady |