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What is acceptable on a personal level is very different from what is acceptable on a business level. When we utilize touch well, we can elevate our presentation, demonstrate respect, and convey confidence. However, when we use touch poorly, it can be disastrous, personally and professionally.
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Susan C. Young |
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A strong handshake conveys confidence, clarity, strength, and intention. As with everything else in life, if it is overzealous, it may be seen as aggressive, arrogant, or dominating. A bone-crushing vice-grip is just plain obnoxious and one of the fastest ways to make someone angry.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Palm Reading 101 * Palm Up-- Conveys openness, service, humility, and sympathy. * Palm Down--Demonstrates authority, superiority, and control. * Palm Vertical--Shows you are meeting on equal terms with a mutually respectful greeting. * Palm Wet, Cold, or Clammy--Ick! The "dead fish" is creepy. Make your hands warm and dry before reaching out to touch someone, please! It can also be conveyed as being nervous or over-excited. * Palm Perfect--This is my favorite. Better known as the "hand hug." While you are shaking hands with your right hand, place your left hand on top, wrapping both people in warmth and trust. This two-handed shake illustrates affection, caring, or concern, especially when you then reach up to grasp their arm or shoulder."
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High fives and fist bumps have become the popular alternatives to traditional handshakes, especially among the younger generations. As a new social norm, they are used as a greeting, an approval, an acknowledgement, a celebration, and a gesture of understanding. High fives and fist bumps are also viewed as a healthier alternative to traditional handshakes because they don't spread germs.
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Susan C. Young |
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Physical touch is one of my primary love languages. For those of us who share this love language, touching is an endearing gesture of affection, appreciation, and connection. It is not intended to be inappropriate in any way when we hug you upon meeting, pat your back, or squeeze your arm. For us, it is an enthusiastic demonstration of friendship. However, there are many people who do NOT like to be touched--men or women. In spite of our good intentions, touching can make others feel awkward, offended, and in the worst-case scenario, violated. It is crucial to be vigilant and socially aware enough that you can read people's cues to know when to pull back and contain yourself.
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"What does a solid, comfortable, impressive handshake look and feel like? To deliver a great handshake . . . * Extend your right hand out vertically at a comfortable waist level toward the person you are meeting. * Connect hands with web to web contact made between the thumb and index finger. * Be intentional and appropriate by showing mutual respect and teamwork. * Gently squeeze firmly enough to be confident, yet lightly enough to be gracious. Shake a few times for good measure. * Discreetly rotate your wrist so that your hand is slightly on top of theirs when you want to subconsciously convey self-assurance. * Make eye contact and smile to show sincerity. Throw in an acknowledging head nod for good measure. Avoiding eye contact may be interpreted that you are not attentive or have something to hide. * Introduce yourself and when they share their name, repeat it back to them to help you remember it. "It is nice to meet you John." * When in doubt, mirror their handshake to adapt to what makes them feel comfortable. Customize accordingly to the gender, age, position, personality, and culture of the person you are meeting."
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Considerations & Exceptions for Impressive Handshakes * Be mindful of a person's age; be tender with arthritic hands. In that case, a loose and gentler handshake is a gesture of sensitivity and compassion. * Show interest; even if your right hand is full, offer your left hand. * Demonstrate respect when you are caught in an introduction while seated; try to stand. * Be instinctive about when to allow the length of your handshake to linger to express unity, connection, or sympathy.
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"All hugs are not created equal. Some people are naturally gifted in showering others with warmth and affection. They can hug with such a sincere intention it transcends a handshake. Their hugs feel genuine, non-threatening, and are emotionally consistent with the relationship they share with the "hugee."
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Hugging is quite an intimate contact. Considering the studies done on proxemics we looked at earlier; when you get within two feet of another person you are inside their intimate space. There are some people who truly do not want you in their 'bubble' unless you are close friends or they've given you permission. Assuming familiarity incorrectly can destroy rapport, make a bad impression, and risk everything you have done well up to then.
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communication skills, quotes by Susan C Young, relationship quotes, emotional intelligence quotes, motivational speaker Susan Young, body language quotes, handshake quotes, make a positive first impression quotes, susanspeaks.com, customer service quotes
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"Brian is a deeply compassionate man who was sad to learn that his work colleague, Tom, had lost his 17-year-old daughter to a drug overdose. When Tom returned to work weeks later, Brian approached him and said, "Man, I am so sorry. There are no words to express my condolences. "Brian reached out to hug Tom. At first, he was rigid and on guard, but with Brian's genuine embrace, he felt Tom release into his safety. Tom had been so incredibly strong for his wife and family that Brian's powerful hug allowed him to surrender into another man's strength. It was a memorable and powerful step towards healing. Sometimes a hug at the right time, even if spontaneous, can be the kindest thing you can do for another human being."
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To touch or not to touch . . . that is the question. Handshakes, hugs, and other touching all have their appropriate space and place. The key to success in this area is to know when, where, and how to best put these into action.
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A person who offers a loose handshake, on the other hand (pun intended), may be interpreted as being uninterested, lacking confidence and self-esteem, weak, or being wishy-washy. Whether too strong or too weak, a bad handshake can set you back and close down a potentially rewarding relationship before it ever gets started.
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Susan C. Young |
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A simple handshake is not always a simple handshake. The way it is delivered can take on a million meanings and interpretations. As with every other form of body language and non-verbal communication, you are sending silent messages simply by the way you shake hands.
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Your handshake has the power to reveal your strength of character, make a promise, demonstrate your level of respect, exercise your etiquette, and represent your business acumen. Learning how to do it well will take you far in life and in business.
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Look for all of the possible missteps in the following scenario. My friend Amy arrived at a consultation with her Hispanic business partner. The African American woman to whom they were delivering their presentation was a long-time friend of her partner's. Her partner was greeted with a hug and Amy was greeted with a handshake. The meeting was a great success. As it came to a close, the two friends hugged. With enthusiastic affection, Amy went to hug the African American client. The woman took a step, turned her shoulder to block the hug, and looked at Amy with dismissive anger. It was almost a defensive move. Her partner, recognizing this, put her arm around Amy to soften the situation and make light of the inappropriate gesture. Everything turned out fine, but Amy was baffled by the barrier. She was confused by the woman's reaction since their interaction had been cordial and positive. She wondered if she had been socially insensitive or culturally inappropriate. After much reflection, however, she realized that she had simply been too quick to assume familiarity. Thankfully, she earned and learned the lesson quickly to become more aware. Amy eventually earned the trust of her client and secured her valuable business.
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Research by the Income Center for Tradeshows found that people are twice as likely to remember you if you shake hands. According to the American Management Association, it takes only one-fortieth of a second to create a human bond. Whether you shake someone's hand, squeeze their arm, or touch their shoulder, make these moments count to be remembered favorably.
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"Confession. Years ago, I was invited to a cocktail party for an Asian-American networking group. As I introduced myself to a Japanese businessman, I reached out and firmly shook his hand. Much to my embarrassment now, I automatically took my other hand and wrapped our hands in a "hand hug." This is a common gesture of friendship in the South. As his wife approached, however, she appeared appalled and felt disrespected that I was touching her husband. Our cultural differences were marked. Despite this cultural mishap, I was able to redeem myself. We all moved past it and delighted in an interesting conversation. Physical touch is a touchy topic (pun intended), especially when various cultures are involved."
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Handshakes, Hugs & Other Touching. Learning how to touch appropriately can elevate your presentation, demonstrate respect, and convey confidence.
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Susan C. Young |
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Seek to make others feel comfortable by demonstrating respect for their individual needs as well as their cultural norms. Your consideration and heightened awareness will guide you well--and help you make a great first impression.
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Susan C. Young |