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c105cff
|
Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys.
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|
humor
tyrion-lannister
jaime-lannister
game-of-thrones
a-storm-of-swords
humorous-quotes
|
George R.R. Martin |
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cea1602
|
"Otis," I said. "Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis." "I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay." Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam."
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humorous
humour
funny
humor
humorous-quoations
humorous-quotes
|
Rick Riordan |
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dee99ed
|
"Don't you understand how Cho's feeling at the moment?" [Hermione] asked. "No," said Ron and Harry together. Hermione sighed and laid down her quill. "Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly." A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode." "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," said Hermione nastily, picking up her her quill again."
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grief-and-loss
humorous-quotes
|
J.K. Rowling |
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cd90bec
|
"What are you doing?" Celaena lifted another piece of paper. "If His Pirateness can't be bothered to clean for us, then I don't see why I can't have a look." "He'll be here any second," Sam hissed. She picked up a flattened map, examining the dots and markings along the coastline of their continent. Something small and round gleamed beneath the map, and she slipped it into her pocket before Sam could notice. "Oh, hush," she said, opening the hutch on the wall adjacent to the desk. "With these creaky floors, we'll hear him a mile off." The hutch was crammed with rolled scrolls, quills, the odd coin, and some very old, very expensive-looking brandy. She pulled out a bottle, swirling the amber liquid in the sunlight streaming through the tiny porthole window. "Care for a drink?"
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sam-cortland
sass
humorous-quotes
|
Sarah J. Maas |
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6ccf637
|
I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe... but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?
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quote
humorous-quotes
leo-valdez
|
Rick Riordan |
|
26cba4d
|
"I would like a cappuccino," says Linus politely. "Thank you." "Your name?" "I'll spell it for you," he says. "Z-W-P-A-E-N--" "What?" She stares at him, Sharpie in hand. "Wait, I haven't finished. Double F-hyphen-T-J-U-S. It's an unusual name, Linus adds gravely. "It's Dutch."
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humorous-quotes
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Sophie Kinsella |
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54a89f2
|
You would more probably have gone to the guillotine,' replied Sir Tristram, depressingly matter of fact. 'Yes, that is quite true,' agreed Eustacie. 'We used to talk of it, my cousin Henriette and I. We made up our minds we should be entirely brave, not crying, of course, but perhaps a little pale, in a proud way. Henriette wished to go to the guillotine , but that was only because she had a court dress of yellow satin which she thought became her much better than it did really. For me, I think one should wear white to the guillotine if one is quite young, and not carry anything except perhaps a handkerchief. Do you not agree?' 'I don't think it signifies what you wear if you are on your way to the scaffold,' replied Sir Tristram, quite unappreciative of the picture his cousin was dwelling on with such evident admiration. She looked at him in surprise. 'Don't you? But consider! You would be very sorry for a young girl in a tumbril, dressed all in white, pale, but unafraid, and not attending to the at all, but--' 'I should be very sorry for anyone in a tumbril, whatever their age or sex or apparel,' interrupted Sir Tristram. 'You would be more sorry for a young girl--all alone, and perhaps bound,' said Eustacie positively. 'You wouldn't be all alone. There would be a great many other people in the tumbril with you,' said Sir Tristram. Eustacie eyed him with considerable displeasure. 'In my tumbril there would have been a great many other people,' she said.
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humorous-quotes
|
Georgette Heyer |
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9cd785c
|
"Okay, I've only just found out the final lineup for Slytherin," said Angelina, consulting a piece of parchment. "Last year's Beaters, Derrick and Bole, have left now, but it looks as though Montague's replaced them with the usual gorillas, rather than anyone who can fly particularly well. They're two blokes called Crabbe and Goyle. I don't know much about them--" "We do," said Harry and Ron together. "Well they don't look bright enough to tell one end of a broom from another," said Angelina, pocketing her parchment, "but then I was always surprised Derrick and Bole managed to find their way onto the pitch without signposts." "Crabbe and Goyle are in the same mold," Harry assured her."
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|
quidditch
humorous-quotes
|
J.K. Rowling |
|
9adf0f8
|
The local natives were particularly curious to know why the English required such huge quantities of pepper and there was much scratching of heads until it was finally agreed that English houses were so cold that the walls were plastered with crushed pepper in order to produce heat.
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|
spice-islands
humorous-quotes
england
spices
|
Giles Milton |
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afe6a3b
|
It's more like how some people can't help but bring out the not necessarily righteous parts of your personality. Like how you meet someone and instantly know they're a full-time professional victim, and no matter how hard you try, something takes over and you can't help needling them.
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|
richard-kadrey
sandman-slim
sandman-slim-novel
awesome-quotes
humorous-quotes
novel
|
Richard Kadrey |
|
3ccaf8c
|
The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.
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irony
humor
humorous-quotes
|
Amy Goldman Koss |
|
da6887e
|
Tribal Chief 1: The will of the people is what is best. That is what democracy means Tribal Chief 2: But if the people don't know what they are talking about, how can that be the best?
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humor
satirical-humor-quotes
humorous-quotes
satire
|
Leonard Wibberley |
|
354e5da
|
It was 10:30 in the morning and I was already running behind. This is hardly unusual, but it pisses me off every single time.
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humorous-quotes
life-experience
truth-of-life
|
Julie Powell |
|
63080d5
|
I jumped up and down and swore violently in seventeen languages.
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|
humorous
iron-druid-chronicles
humorous-quotes
|
Kevin Hearne |
|
92974de
|
Luckily, I was not born a white man.* *This has never before been said in the history of humanity.
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|
feminism
feminist
humor
humorous-quotes
|
Mindy Kaling |
|
7df55f3
|
This bastard is so guilty he already has his lawyer here.
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|
iron-druid-chronicles
humorous-quotes
|
Kevin Hearne |
|
b49334b
|
I know I really shouldn't be complaining right now,
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|
light-novel
humorous-quotes
|
Nicholas Murray |
|
e205af1
|
There are worse things than eating the dead, my dear fellow. Far worse things. There is, for instance, making a huge profit out of their funeral, which is the normal custom in the civilized world.
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|
religion
humorous-quotes
satire
|
Leonard Wibberley |
|
54821ff
|
"The pig was so earnest. So sincere. So very "there." The pig brought gravity and mythic import to this well-worn fairy tale."
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|
humor
humorous-quotes
|
Robert Fulghum |
|
c085900
|
When people ask how old I am, I just tell them twenty-one, and if they assume I mean years instead of decades or centuries, then that can't be my fault, can it?
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|
humorous-quotes
|
Kevin Hearne |
|
32c062a
|
He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,' said the Runner. 'I am here in the execution of my dooty.
|
|
humor
bungler
bungling
comedic
comedy
bumbling
idiotic
humorous-quotes
idiot
|
Georgette Heyer |
|
fc69807
|
A gold cage is still a cage. -King David I Oh, go cry in a bag of money. -Queen Christina
|
|
gilded-cage
humorous-quotes
|
MaryJanice Davidson |