ilona-andrews

Link	Quote	Tags	Author
109fdd0	"You know anything about investigative work?" "Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away."	ilona-andrews investigative-work kate kate-daniels magic-bites	Ilona Andrews
5db2c2f	"I know it's late, but could you find a book for me? It's called The Slavs: Study of Pagan Tradition by Osvintsev." Barabas sighed dramatically. "Kate, you make me despair. Let's try that again from the top, except this time pretend you are an alpha." "I don't need a lecture. I just need the book." "Much better. Little more growl in the voice?" "Barabas!" "And we're there. Congratulations!"	ilona-andrews kate magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
86f4b6e	"No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose all sense." Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. "Want to know a secret?" "Sure." "It's not the bathtub, baby." Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it. "What are you looking for?" "A pea Your Majesty." "What?" "You heard me." I jumped back as he lunged and his fingers missed me by an inch. "Getting slow in your old age." "I thought you liked it slow." A flashback to last night mugged me and my mind executed a full stop. He laughed. "Ran out of snappy comebacks?" "Hush. I'm trying to think of one."	hilarious ilona-andrews kate magic	Ilona Andrews
702d33d	"You will not pass!" Roman thundered. Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf."	funny gandalf gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews lotr roman snarkiness	Ilona Andrews
7cbe11c	"You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed." I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. "He'd run like he was on fire."	curran ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns	Ilona Andrews
89aee4a	Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.	ilona-andrews kids on-the-edge	Ilona Andrews
359fad3	"He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps. "I win."	ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns maps	Ilona Andrews
79e4100	When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me and putting me back together, and I don't even know he's doing it. We never talk about it. We don't go to therapy. He just loves me and that's enough.	ilona-andrews magic-bleeds pieces raphael	Ilona Andrews
5b12a89	If I fought for them and was crippled, they would all say nice things,and then they would replace me and forget I was ever there. You would stay with me. You would take care of me, because you love me. I love you too, Kate. If you ever became hurt, I would not leave you. I'll be there. Wherever you want'there' to be. -Curran to Kate	curran ilona-andrews kate love magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
d8c480d	"I'll call you," he repeated. "If you call me, I won't pick up the phone." "You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak to me in a civil manner. If you don't know how, ask someone." --	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
cbe466a	"Secret to what?" "Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence."	curran ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns silence	Ilona Andrews
c573dbd	I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy.	derek fantasy good-strategy ilona-andrews magic-bites rowena	Ilona Andrews
00a0c61	"I'm counting to ten in my head." "Is it helping?" "No." "It doesn't help me with you either. I used to life weights to alleviate frustration, but someone blowtorched my weight bench. How did you do it, by the way?" "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you."	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
96fe518	I've never seen such a collection of idiots in my whole life.' Doolittle shook his head. 'If you participate in this lunacy, y'all will get yourselves killed. Then don't come crying to me.' Now that would be a neat trick.	ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-strikes	Ilona Andrews
4c43fa7	"Who snitched?" "We have people monitoring police radio frequencies. They gave Jim a heads-up in case our security had to storm PAD offices and bust you out of there. I found out when I saw Jim walking down the hallway snickering to himself."	ilona-andrews jim kate kate-daniels magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
5e03c73	"If the lot of you survives, Curran will flay the skin off your backs," Doolittle said. "That's what I always love about you, Doctor." Raphael grinned. "You're a cup-halfway-full kind of guy. All flowers and sunshine."	ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-strikes raphael	Ilona Andrews
875a450	"Tiny gold sparks flared in his irises. "You're in my rooms in my bathtub naked and you're still mouthing off." Did he expect anything different? "Hey, I didn't kick or punch you in the throat. I consider this progress. And you haven't choked me again, which is some sort of record for you..."	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds mouthing-off	Ilona Andrews
91f7ceb	"Say 'pop.'" "Pop?" "That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass."	ilona-andrews kate magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
8834d11	I had to give it him, to flatter and insult a woman in one propostition took talent.	ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns	Ilona Andrews
ba57c55	I also stole a small yellow doughnut from the box of Duncan's doughnuts in the rec room and fed it to the attack poodle in my office. He made a great production of it. First, he growled at the doughnut, just to show it who was boss. Then he nudged it with his nose. Then he licked it, until finally he snagged it into his mouth and chomped it with great pleasure, dropping crumbs all over the carpet.	ilona-andrews magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
94304b0	"You sure you don't need your Prince Charming to come and save you?" The knot in my stomach evaporated. My Prince Charming huh. "Sure, do you have one handy?"	ilona-andrews kate magic-slays prince-charming	Ilona Andrews
2b27ead	"I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?" "He became engulfed in fire." "Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'?"	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
724ddcf	Some people got vicious Dobermans. I got a shaved attack poodle in a black sweater. His tough, spawn-of-hell image had taken a fatal blow, but at least he would be warm.	ilona-andrews magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
9aa4f3c	"Aha," Andrea said. "I'm going to ignore that you just referred to yourself as 'sugar woogums'."	ilona-andrews kate magic-slays sugar-woogums	Ilona Andrews
27efba9	"At first glance you looked at Kate and thought "fighter," maybe merc. Five inches taller than me, she was all muscle--well, and some boobs--but mostly muscle. She moved like a predator and when she got pissed off, she exhaled aggression, like hot breath on a winter evening. Still, men looked, until they saw her eyes. Kate's eyes were crazy. It was that hidden-deep crazy that told you that you had no idea what the hell she would do next but whatever it was, the bad guys wouldn't like it."	ilona-andrews kate-daniels	Ilona Andrews
e5b8bde	When life backs you into a corner and offers you no escape, when your friends, your lover, and your family abandon you, when you're at the end of your rope, panicked, alone, and losing your mind, you know you'd give anything to make your problems go away. Then, desperate and eager, you will come to Unicorn Lane, seeking salvation in its magics and secrets. You'll do anything, pay any price. Unicorn Lane will take you in, shroud you in its power, fix your problems, and exact its price. And then you will learn what 'anything' really means.	ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-bites unicor-lane	Ilona Andrews
33cd001	Getting a lecture on restraint from the woman who threw a hissy fit and blew up Babylon.	hissy-fit ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
19a1ebc	"The rage of the Beast Lord was a terrible thing to behold. Some people stormed, some punched things, but Curran slipped into this icy, bone-chilling calm. His face hardened into a flat mask, and his eyes turned into a molten inferno of pure gold. If you looked at it for longer than two seconds, your muscles locked, your knees shook, and you had to fight to keep from cringing. It was easier to look at the floor, but I didn't. Besides, he wasn't angry with me. He wasn't even angry with Kate. He was angry with Anapa. I had no doubt that if he could've gotten a hold of the god at that moment, he would've broken him in half. "It's only ribs," Kate told him. "And they're not even broken. They are fractured." "And the hip," Doolittle said. "And the knee." There you go. Don't expect mercy from a honeybadger. "How long do you need to keep her?" Curran looked to Doolittle. "She can go to her quarters, provided she doesn't leave them," Doolittle said. "I can't do anything else with the magic down. She must stay down until I can patch her up." "She will." Curran reached for Kate. "Hey, baby. Ready?" She nodded. Curran slid his hands under her and picked her up, gently, as if she weighed nothing. "Good?" he asked. She put her arm around him. "Never better."	gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews kate-daniels love tenderness	Ilona Andrews
136d32f	"And you expect me to commute two hours each way from the Keep to the Order." I kept my voice mild. "I suppose I won't be needing my job, my house, or my clothes anymore." "I didn't say that. Although let me get back to you on the clothes. It's still under consideration." --	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
3d0e2c5	"I know you'll tell me to fuck off, but I think Curran loves you. Truly loves you. And I think you love him, Kate. That's rare. Think about it--if he really stood you up, why would he be so pissed off about the whole thing? You both can be assholes of the first order, so don't let the two of you throw it away. If you're going to walk away from it, at least walk away knowing the whole picture." "You're right. Fuck off. I don't need him," I told her."	curran ilona-andrews kate love magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
6f1282c	"The Oracle rose. As one, the three witches bowed. "See?" Bran jerked his thumb at the three women. "That's how a woman should treat a man. Next time you see me, I want you to do just like them."	bran ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns oracle	Ilona Andrews
ce40669	"You'll lose." "What makes you so sure?" "You have no discipline. All you do is tear down shit down. My father is a bastard, but at least he builds things. You turn cities into smoking ruins and blunder about like some hyper child, smashing anything you see. And then you sit here and wonder, 'Why did all of my children turn out to be violet idiots? It's a mystery of nature,'."	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
a0956e0	"Next to me, Saiman smiled. "We all want what we can't have, Kate. I want you, you want love, and he wants to break my neck." --	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds saiman	Ilona Andrews
05fc3c9	"Our standard rate. A doubloon a day." It was generous. More than generous--some families would put him up for a week for a single coin. "Half a doubloon a day," she said. "No, you see, the idea behind bargaining is that you ask for a larger amount."	declan ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose	Ilona Andrews
5cfb9a3	"They had picked up Julie's scent hit wolfsbane lost her and found her trail again at the crumbling Highway 23 except it was two hours old and mixed with horse scents. She was hitchhiking. Great. Awesome. At least she always carried a knife with her. When I relayed this to Curran he shrugged and said, "If she kills anybody we'll make it go away."	ilona-andrews julie kate magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
af7efdf	"He glued the chair to my ass." Silence. "Is it still...attached?" "I can't get it off."	curran ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
3a1ceeb	"Any messages for me?" Usually I got one or two, but mostly people who wanted my help preferred to talk in person. "Yes. Hold on." She pulled out a handful of pink tickets and recited from memory, without checking the paper. "Seven forty-two a.m., Mr. Gasparian: I curse you. I curse your arms so they wither and die and fall off your body. I curse your eyeballs to explode. I curse your feet to swell until blue. I curse your spine to crack. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you."	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds maxine	Ilona Andrews
af6b6a7	"Grandpa?" Declan raised his eyebrows. "We keep him in the shed out back," Jack said helpfully. "So he doesn't eat dog brains." --	grandpa-cletus ilona-andrews jack on-the-edge	Ilona Andrews
11e41ff	"How are you?" "Perfectly fine," he said. "Are your ribs broken?" "Probably not. Cracked at most. We fought very carefully." "Did this settle anything?" "It made me feel better," he said, sitting up. "Did you see me kick him in the kidneys?" "I saw."	ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose	Ilona Andrews
235640f	"If you don't explain it all to me, I might strangle somebody." Of course, Raphael might like that..."	curran hyenas ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns raphael soup	Ilona Andrews
3f8f03d	I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged.	drowning humor ilona-andrews kate magic-strikes tub	Ilona Andrews
4b3a6ea	I know it may come as a shock, but it's sort of considered polite to wait for the consent of the woman. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if you don't wait, you may have to deal with pesky criminal charges like kidnapping and rape.	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
8a1cfff	"Hold your horses. I'm coming."... "From where I'm standing you're just breathing laboriously." The snow swam out of focus. "Breathing hard. Are you coming or just breathing hard. You've got to get your one-liners straight."	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
81d812c	"It became known that I had a rather fertile imagination, when it came to private activities." She stared. "What sort of private activities?" This time he did smile, and it turned his face wicked. "Disrobe, and I'll be happy to demonstrate."	ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose	Ilona Andrews
e35d6b8	Unfortunately, the Best Lord had condemned both vehicles as unsafe and instead I now leased a Pack Jeep I called Hector. Equipped with dual engines, Hector worked during magic or tech. He didn't go very fast, especially during magic, but so far he hadn't stalled on me either. As long as our high-speed chases stayed under forty-five miles an hour, we would be all set.	hector ilona-andrews kate magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
d520ff2	He'd laugh in my face, then I'd slice him to ribbons and then he'd break my neck	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
5ed3dba	"The vampire leaned forward, tapping a scimitar claw. "Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?" "Yep." "Is he carrying a moon on his pitchfork?" "No, it's a pie."	ilona-andrews kate lion magic-bleeds pie	Ilona Andrews
b0ebe80	"You're right, my problems are the biggest problems ever," George said. "No, honestly, it's horrible to be me. I'm rich, talented, and I make girls cry." "How do you make girls cry, exactly?" George turned to her. His blue eyes widened. His lovely face took on a forlorn, deeply troubled expression. He leaned forward, and, in a theatrical whisper, said, "My past is tragic. I wouldn't want to burden you with it. It's a pain I must suffer alone. In the rain. In silence." --	fate-s-edge funny george ilona-andrews the-edge	Ilona Andrews
dc7f0ec	"Torch strode over and stared at the fiver "What's this?" "Some change for you. Buy your flunkies some decent clothes." I dipped my fingers into the jar and smeared think fragrant paste on my face. Torch frowned, mirroring the expression on my aunt's face. "Change?" Oh, for crying out loud. "It's money. We don't use coins as currency now, we use paper money." He stared at me. "I'm insulting you! I'm saying your poor, like a beggar, because your undead are in rags. I'm offering to clothe your servants for you, because you can't provide for them. Come on, how thick do you have to be?" He jerked his hand up. A jet of flame erupted from his fingers, sliding against the ward. I jerked back from the windows on instinct. The fire died. I leaned forward. "Do you understand now?" More fire. "What's the matter? Was that not enough money?"	ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds poor	Ilona Andrews
ed03e40	One day, she'd find a way to live her life to the fullest. She was sure of it. She just had no idea how she would manage it.	girl ilona-andrews life live lost on-the-edge she	Ilona Andrews
cec126c	Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics.	erra ilona-andrews magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
cf69801	When you want to take over a city, you have to destroy the illusion of safety it provides. You have to hit the large well-protected establishments, find the powerful people who run them and are viewed as invincible, and kill them. You want to destroy the morale first. Once the people's resolve is gone and everyone is scared for their own skin, the city is yours.	ilona-andrews magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
060d6f6	"So, regarding that tidbit about your having a fertile imagination when it comes to private activities," she said, fighting off anxiety. "Was it another lie?" "Depends on how you look at it. It's not exactly a lie, and if you come with me to the Weird, you'll find that rumors of my 'creativity' when it comes to bed games with the opposite sex do exist. I started them myself and managed them very carefully. The trick with rumors is to feed them once in a while, so they don't die."	ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose rumors	Ilona Andrews
783f127	"You call that evening the odds? You demolished them." Demolished. He liked that. "I left you one." "I noticed." "I promised to share," he told her. "Manners are very important in the Weird. Lying would be quite impolite."	cerise ilona-andrews odds the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
de9d4e7	"How is it different?" He rolled his head back, sable hair falling down on his shoulders. "With Rose I knew what to say. I could take a step back and talk to her. I remembered all the crap from the magaznies. It was easy." "And with me, it's hard?" Why? Because she was a swamp girl? And how did the magazines fit into it? William looked away from her. "I don't like it when you're away. If I don't see you, I can't settle down. If I see you talking with another man, I want to claw his throat out. And none of the things you're supposed to say fit." Oh, this had to be good. "What sort of things?" He sighed. "The lines. Like, 'You're my everything,' or 'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"	cerise ilona-andrews pick-up-lines rose the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
23b0767	"It could be worse," he said finally. "Efrenia married an arsonist. Jake's wife is a kleptomaniac. I suppose, a psychopathic spree killer isn't that odd of a choice, considering."	cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
85690e9	On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt.	gift-horse ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-bites ted	Ilona Andrews
bc425d5	"Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more , less . Duuude." "Dude." "Dude." "Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?" George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit." His stuff... "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it?"	fate-s-edge funny george hanging ilona-andrews jack perverted the-edge	Ilona Andrews
bb51035	"Oh, Gods." His eyes shone with want and predatory satisfaction. "The name's William. It's a common mistake."	bayou-moon cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
61c904e	"Kid 1: examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies: Wow, Mom, your pies don't look awful this time. Me (Ilona): ... ~A little later~ Kid 2: wandering into the kitchen Kid 1: Hey, you've got to see these pies. opening the stove	funny ilona-andrews ilona-andrews-website kids pie thanksgiving	Ilona Andrews
90ba376	Some women waited for a night in shining armor. She, apparently, had ended up with a knight in black jeans and leather, who wanted to chase her down and have his evil way with her.	cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
a4ccdb0	Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar away from him, and you'll get yourself a fight.	fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge	Ilona Andrews
932b6d6	"She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing... "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim. She blinked and stared at me. She'd seen my eyes glow. I let go, shifting in the dark into my true form in the dark. If you want a Kitty, little girl, I'll give you one you'll never forget. I stepped into the moonlight. She froze. That's right. No sudden moves. I padded toward her slowly and circled her allowing her take it all in. Do you like the kitty now? I could smell her surprise and fear. Our gazes met. Her eyes went wide and then she fell on her ass. Heh. A bow would have been sufficient."	humor ilona-andrews kate-daniels kitty-kitty	Ilona Andrews
4dad993	Rose pictured him standing at the boundary of the Ogletree house in that enormous fur cape, with a giant sword sticking over his shoulder, roaring at the top of his lungs and then being upset that nobody came out, and laughed.	ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose	Ilona Andrews
8a1e082	"At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?" "No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God!"	fate-s-edge funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge	Ilona Andrews
5ecc045	Stealers, keepers.	fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar stealing the-edge	Ilona Andrews
6aac37e	"Did I hurt you in the parking lot?" "No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car." Great."	fate-s-edge funny george ilona-andrews the-edge	Ilona Andrews
948fd4e	"You said he was a soldier. You don't suppose...?" "Oh, Gods." Ignata blinked. "You think something could be wrong down there?" All of them looked at William, who chose this precise moment to slide the wet shirt back on his back, which required him to flex, raising his arms. "That would be a shame," Cerise murmured."	cerise ignata ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
9cf089e	"It depends. If I don't let you in, will you huff and puff and blow my house down?" She had no idea. "I'm more of a kick the door open and cut everyone inside to ribbons kind of wolf."	cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william wolf	Ilona Andrews
d90dc72	...they tended towards the simple pleasures in life: drinking, whoring and fighting, preferably all three at once.	ilona-andrews magic-bleeds	Ilona Andrews
1195f07	Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.	cerise fate-s-edge funny ilona-andrews the-edge violent	Ilona Andrews
87ccb7c	"The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it, but I didn't. I just gave him some drugs." "You gave an addict in rehab drugs, and you want credit for it?" "Of course it sounds bad when you put it that way."	audrey fate-s-edge funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge	Ilona Andrews
737f2a5	"You could buy a car for fifty thousand dollars. A really nice car." Ascanio's eyes lit up. "A Hummer. You could buy a converted Hummer." "You don't need a Hummer." I said. "Chicks dig the Hummer." "You don`t need any chicks either." He gave me an injured look. "I have needs." "I have needs too and right now I need you to concentrate on tracking down Jamar`s collection. Get to it." - Andrea & Ascanio"	ascanio gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews	Ilona Andrews
2633f68	He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her.	cerise funny hair ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
7e80ce3	"The black volhv pivoted to me. "I have questions." "Can it wait?" "No. Your wedding is in two weeks. Have you prepared your guest list?" "Why do I need a list? I kind of figured that whoever wanted to show up would show up." "You need a list so you know how many people you are feeding. Do you have a caterer?" "No." "But you did order the cake?" "Umm..." "Florist?" "Florist?" "The person who delivers expensive flowers and sets them up in pretty arrangements everyone ignores?" "No." Roman blinked. "I'm almost afraid to ask. Do you at least have the dress?" "Yes." "Is it white?" "Yes." He squinted at me. "Is it a wedding dress?" "It's a white dress." "Have you worn it before?" "Maybe." Ascanio snickered." "The ring, Kate?" Oh crap. Roman heaved a sigh. "What do you think this is, a party where you get to show up, say 'I do,' and go home?" "Yes?" That's kind of how it went in my head."	ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites	Ilona Andrews
e4a79ff	"Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Look at you, all high-speed." "Yeah, you'd think I was a detective or something." Andrea held her hand out. "You'll jinx it."	ilona-andrews kate magic-slays	Ilona Andrews
0a47e09	Failure happened. The trick was to accept the risk and try anyway.	failure ilona-andrews the-edge	Ilona Andrews
38af23b	"You say the sweetest things. And that spaghetti perfume you're wearing is to die for. No hobo could resist." She snarled. Heh."	cerise ilona-andrews spaghetti-queen the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
69432ac	Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod?	ilona-andrews magic-bites	Ilona Andrews
76a207b	"Will you take this seriously? The future of an entire species is at stake." "Yes, we're going to save them with a fart gun."	ilona-andrews innkeeper-chronicles sean-evans	Ilona Andrews
1e15d58	"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount." Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then." Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!" Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."	fate-s-edge funny gnome ilona-andrews the-edge	Ilona Andrews
a5fa322	"Oh, I don't know. I might grow on you." She furrowed her pretty eyebrows. "Like a cancer?" "Like a favorite vice."	fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge	Ilona Andrews
e4cbbe1	"Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night. "Guess what?" She leaned closer. "You will never be that man."	fate-s-edge fun funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge	Ilona Andrews
118695a	Life was too short and ended too suddenly. If you didn't take advantage of what you had today, tomorrow it might be ripped from you.	cerise ilona-andrews life the-edge	Ilona Andrews
eee48ed	"I realized that I'm a child." William looked point-blank at her chest. "No."	cerise child ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
945dee5	"Did you see how she got all hot under the collar?" Grandma Frida said in a theatrical whisper behind me. She's not over him. "I can hear you!"	hidden-legacy ilona-andrews nevada white-hot	Ilona Andrews
777957c	Slowly the reality of the situation sank in. He got his ass kicked, learned nothing, and got saved by a dumb dog and an old lady. If he lived long enough to report to Nancy back in Adrianglia, he would have to gloss over this part.	bayou-moon ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
855cc19	When walking into the lair of the dragon after robbing his hoard, the least you could do is hold you head high [...]	dragon fate-s-edge ilona-andrews pride the-edge	Ilona Andrews
1946d62	He said that the man must be your husband, because only someone we love very much can make us this crazy.	ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-rises	Ilona Andrews
942d829	"She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?" He showed her his teeth. "Yes."	cerise death ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
2a94fbf	"Behind him Kaldar nudged Urow's youngest son. "Bet you he lasts at least thirty seconds." "Um..." Gaston looked at him. "No he won't." "Bet me something." "I don't have anything." Kaldar grimaced. "Pick up that rock." Gaston swiped the rock off the ground. "Now you have a rock. I bet this five bucks against your rock." Gaston grinned. "Deal."	betting gaston ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
3d7937e	"Doolittle nodded to one of his assistants. The short, slight woman approached Roman's cot. "We're going to put you in your own private room." "Is this a code for killing me?" Roman asked. "Because I won't be easy to take down." Roman the Volhv)))"	ilona-andrews roman	Ilona Andrews
fa8a32d	"That's all right," she told him. "I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine." Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism."	fate-s-edge funny gaston george ilona-andrews jack kaldar male-skepticism the-edge	Ilona Andrews
8df7fc5	Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it. Now that was an interesting thought.	funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge tongue	Ilona Andrews
6837d27	"When alone in a dark forest waiting for an audience with an evil god, the most prudent course of action is to be quiet and wait. 'Prudent' wasn't one of my favourite words. "Hello? I've come to borrow a cup of sugar. Anybody? Perhaps there is an old woman with a house made of candy who could help me?" "Marrying for love isn't wise." The voice came from somewhere to the left. Melodious, but not soft, definitely female and charged with a promise of hidden power. Something told me that hearing her scream would end very badly for me. I stopped and pivoted toward the voice. "Marry for safety. Marry for power. But only fools marry for love." When a strange voice talks to you in the black woods, only idiots answer. I was that idiot. "Thank you, counsellor. How much do I owe you for this session?"	ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites	Ilona Andrews
571ba16	"Kaldar smiled at her. Now there was a work of art. If she were just a girl and he were just a man, and they met at a party, that smile would've guaranteed him a date. The man was hot. There was no doubt. But right now, all it would get him was a solid punch in those even teeth. Audrey laughed. "Aren't you sweet? Tell me, do girls usually throw their panties at you when you do that?" He grinned wider, and she glimpsed the funny evil spark in his eyes. "Do men throw money when you do your little Southern belle?"	fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar southern-belle the-edge	Ilona Andrews
11ddd53	"A forest," William said, his expression distant. "Where the ground is dry soil and stone. Where tall trees grow and centuries of autumn carpet their roots. Where the wind smells of game and wildflowers." "Why, that was lovely, Lord Bill. Do you ever write poetry? Something for your blueblood lady?" "No." "She doesn't like poetry?" "Leave it." Hehe. "Oh, so you have a lady. How interes--"	cerise funny ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
8f7382b	"She put her hand on her hip. "Where are you going?" "To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool." Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him."	cerise funny ilona-andrews lord-bill the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
449b71c	"He hung his head. "Am I punished?" "Yes. I'm too mad to punish you right now. We'll talk about it when we get home. Go brush your teeth, comb your hair, put on dry clothes, and get the guns. We're going to Wal-Mart."	ilona-andrews on-the-edge wal-mart walmart	Ilona Andrews
5454995	"Kaldar picked up a rock and tossed it into the clearing. It landed between two wards. A green stem shot out of the ground, and a hail of needle-thin thorns peppered the soil, striking sparks off the rock. "You got any money on you?" "No." Kaldar grimaced. "What do you have?" William made a mental inventory of some twenty-odd items he'd pulled out of the Mirror's bag of tricks and hid in his clothes this morning. Not much he could part with. "A knife," he said. "Fine. I'll bet my knife against your knife that I can walk through there unharmed."	betting ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
1dabb3b	"An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers."	funny ilona-andrews kaldar raccoon the-edge	Ilona Andrews
bf0fc54	William's eyes glowed like two amber coals. She met his gaze and flinched. No emotion reflected in the amber, only intelligence, cruel in a way the eyes of a hunting Mire cat were cruel. She saw no worry, no softness, no thoughts at all, only waiting. He seemed barely human now, not a man but some feral thing, knitted of darkness and biding his time for an opportunity to pounce.	cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william	Ilona Andrews
4d652f0	"The skull sat on top of an old Stop sign. Someone had painted the surface of the octagon white and written KEEP OUT across it in large jagged letters. A reddish-brown splatter stained the bottom edge, looking suspiciously like dried blood. I leaned closer. Yep, blood. Some hair, too. Human hair. Curran frowned at the sign. "Do you think he's trying to tell us something?" "I don't know. He's being so subtle about it."	ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites	Ilona Andrews
e7a5619	"He smiled at me, turning into the old Sean Evans. The transformation was so sudden, I blinked to make sure I didn't imagine it. "Because you're a carebear."	humor ilona-andrews sean-evans	Ilona Andrews
94e7fec	"He smiled at me, turning into the old Sean Evans. The transformation was so sudden, I blinked to make sure I didn't imagine it. "Because you're a carebear." "What?" "You're the type to get out of a perfectly dry car in the middle of a storm in your best dress so you can scoop a wet dog off the road. You help people, Dina. That's what you do. And the Hiru need help." "I'm sensible," I told him. "I'll give you till tonight," he said. "You won't even last twenty-four hours. I bet my right arm on it."	ilona-andrews inkeeper-chronicles sean-evans	Ilona Andrews
9a07f61	"How did your day go?" "I got some head. It was vamp, but still." I stared at her. Kate was the last person I would have expected to make that joke. Well, someone had loosened up since mating. "That good, huh." "Yup."	gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews	Ilona Andrews

109fdd0

"You know anything about investigative work?" "Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away."

ilona-andrews investigative-work kate kate-daniels magic-bites

Ilona Andrews

5db2c2f

"I know it's late, but could you find a book for me? It's called The Slavs: Study of Pagan Tradition by Osvintsev." Barabas sighed dramatically. "Kate, you make me despair. Let's try that again from the top, except this time pretend you are an alpha." "I don't need a lecture. I just need the book." "Much better. Little more growl in the voice?" "Barabas!" "And we're there. Congratulations!"

ilona-andrews kate magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

86f4b6e

"No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose all sense." Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. "Want to know a secret?" "Sure." "It's not the bathtub, baby." Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it. "What are you looking for?" "A pea Your Majesty." "What?" "You heard me." I jumped back as he lunged and his fingers missed me by an inch. "Getting slow in your old age." "I thought you liked it slow." A flashback to last night mugged me and my mind executed a full stop. He laughed. "Ran out of snappy comebacks?" "Hush. I'm trying to think of one."

hilarious ilona-andrews kate magic

Ilona Andrews

702d33d

"You will not pass!" Roman thundered. Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf."

funny gandalf gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews lotr roman snarkiness

Ilona Andrews

7cbe11c

"You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed." I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. "He'd run like he was on fire."

curran ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns

Ilona Andrews

89aee4a

Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.

ilona-andrews kids on-the-edge

Ilona Andrews

359fad3

"He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps. "I win."

ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns maps

Ilona Andrews

79e4100

When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me and putting me back together, and I don't even know he's doing it. We never talk about it. We don't go to therapy. He just loves me and that's enough.

ilona-andrews magic-bleeds pieces raphael

Ilona Andrews

5b12a89

If I fought for them and was crippled, they would all say nice things,and then they would replace me and forget I was ever there. You would stay with me. You would take care of me, because you love me. I love you too, Kate. If you ever became hurt, I would not leave you. I'll be there. Wherever you want'there' to be. -Curran to Kate

curran ilona-andrews kate love magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

d8c480d

"I'll call you," he repeated. "If you call me, I won't pick up the phone." "You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak to me in a civil manner. If you don't know how, ask someone." --

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

cbe466a

"Secret to what?" "Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence."

curran ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns silence

Ilona Andrews

c573dbd

I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy.

derek fantasy good-strategy ilona-andrews magic-bites rowena

Ilona Andrews

00a0c61

"I'm counting to ten in my head." "Is it helping?" "No." "It doesn't help me with you either. I used to life weights to alleviate frustration, but someone blowtorched my weight bench. How did you do it, by the way?" "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you."

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

96fe518

I've never seen such a collection of idiots in my whole life.' Doolittle shook his head. 'If you participate in this lunacy, y'all will get yourselves killed. Then don't come crying to me.' Now that would be a neat trick.

ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-strikes

Ilona Andrews

4c43fa7

"Who snitched?" "We have people monitoring police radio frequencies. They gave Jim a heads-up in case our security had to storm PAD offices and bust you out of there. I found out when I saw Jim walking down the hallway snickering to himself."

ilona-andrews jim kate kate-daniels magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

5e03c73

"If the lot of you survives, Curran will flay the skin off your backs," Doolittle said. "That's what I always love about you, Doctor." Raphael grinned. "You're a cup-halfway-full kind of guy. All flowers and sunshine."

ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-strikes raphael

Ilona Andrews

875a450

"Tiny gold sparks flared in his irises. "You're in my rooms in my bathtub naked and you're still mouthing off." Did he expect anything different? "Hey, I didn't kick or punch you in the throat. I consider this progress. And you haven't choked me again, which is some sort of record for you..."

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds mouthing-off

Ilona Andrews

91f7ceb

"Say 'pop.'" "Pop?" "That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass."

ilona-andrews kate magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

8834d11

I had to give it him, to flatter and insult a woman in one propostition took talent.

ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns

Ilona Andrews

ba57c55

I also stole a small yellow doughnut from the box of Duncan's doughnuts in the rec room and fed it to the attack poodle in my office. He made a great production of it. First, he growled at the doughnut, just to show it who was boss. Then he nudged it with his nose. Then he licked it, until finally he snagged it into his mouth and chomped it with great pleasure, dropping crumbs all over the carpet.

ilona-andrews magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

94304b0

"You sure you don't need your Prince Charming to come and save you?" The knot in my stomach evaporated. My Prince Charming huh. "Sure, do you have one handy?"

ilona-andrews kate magic-slays prince-charming

Ilona Andrews

2b27ead

"I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?" "He became engulfed in fire." "Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'?"

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

724ddcf

Some people got vicious Dobermans. I got a shaved attack poodle in a black sweater. His tough, spawn-of-hell image had taken a fatal blow, but at least he would be warm.

ilona-andrews magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

9aa4f3c

"Aha," Andrea said. "I'm going to ignore that you just referred to yourself as 'sugar woogums'."

ilona-andrews kate magic-slays sugar-woogums

Ilona Andrews

27efba9

"At first glance you looked at Kate and thought "fighter," maybe merc. Five inches taller than me, she was all muscle--well, and some boobs--but mostly muscle. She moved like a predator and when she got pissed off, she exhaled aggression, like hot breath on a winter evening. Still, men looked, until they saw her eyes. Kate's eyes were crazy. It was that hidden-deep crazy that told you that you had no idea what the hell she would do next but whatever it was, the bad guys wouldn't like it."

ilona-andrews kate-daniels

Ilona Andrews

e5b8bde

When life backs you into a corner and offers you no escape, when your friends, your lover, and your family abandon you, when you're at the end of your rope, panicked, alone, and losing your mind, you know you'd give anything to make your problems go away. Then, desperate and eager, you will come to Unicorn Lane, seeking salvation in its magics and secrets. You'll do anything, pay any price. Unicorn Lane will take you in, shroud you in its power, fix your problems, and exact its price. And then you will learn what 'anything' really means.

ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-bites unicor-lane

Ilona Andrews

33cd001

Getting a lecture on restraint from the woman who threw a hissy fit and blew up Babylon.

hissy-fit ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

19a1ebc

"The rage of the Beast Lord was a terrible thing to behold. Some people stormed, some punched things, but Curran slipped into this icy, bone-chilling calm. His face hardened into a flat mask, and his eyes turned into a molten inferno of pure gold. If you looked at it for longer than two seconds, your muscles locked, your knees shook, and you had to fight to keep from cringing. It was easier to look at the floor, but I didn't. Besides, he wasn't angry with me. He wasn't even angry with Kate. He was angry with Anapa. I had no doubt that if he could've gotten a hold of the god at that moment, he would've broken him in half. "It's only ribs," Kate told him. "And they're not even broken. They are fractured." "And the hip," Doolittle said. "And the knee." There you go. Don't expect mercy from a honeybadger. "How long do you need to keep her?" Curran looked to Doolittle. "She can go to her quarters, provided she doesn't leave them," Doolittle said. "I can't do anything else with the magic down. She must stay down until I can patch her up." "She will." Curran reached for Kate. "Hey, baby. Ready?" She nodded. Curran slid his hands under her and picked her up, gently, as if she weighed nothing. "Good?" he asked. She put her arm around him. "Never better."

gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews kate-daniels love tenderness

Ilona Andrews

136d32f

"And you expect me to commute two hours each way from the Keep to the Order." I kept my voice mild. "I suppose I won't be needing my job, my house, or my clothes anymore." "I didn't say that. Although let me get back to you on the clothes. It's still under consideration." --

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

3d0e2c5

"I know you'll tell me to fuck off, but I think Curran loves you. Truly loves you. And I think you love him, Kate. That's rare. Think about it--if he really stood you up, why would he be so pissed off about the whole thing? You both can be assholes of the first order, so don't let the two of you throw it away. If you're going to walk away from it, at least walk away knowing the whole picture." "You're right. Fuck off. I don't need him," I told her."

curran ilona-andrews kate love magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

6f1282c

"The Oracle rose. As one, the three witches bowed. "See?" Bran jerked his thumb at the three women. "That's how a woman should treat a man. Next time you see me, I want you to do just like them."

bran ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns oracle

Ilona Andrews

ce40669

"You'll lose." "What makes you so sure?" "You have no discipline. All you do is tear down shit down. My father is a bastard, but at least he builds things. You turn cities into smoking ruins and blunder about like some hyper child, smashing anything you see. And then you sit here and wonder, 'Why did all of my children turn out to be violet idiots? It's a mystery of nature,'."

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

a0956e0

"Next to me, Saiman smiled. "We all want what we can't have, Kate. I want you, you want love, and he wants to break my neck." --

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds saiman

Ilona Andrews

05fc3c9

"Our standard rate. A doubloon a day." It was generous. More than generous--some families would put him up for a week for a single coin. "Half a doubloon a day," she said. "No, you see, the idea behind bargaining is that you ask for a larger amount."

declan ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose

Ilona Andrews

5cfb9a3

"They had picked up Julie's scent hit wolfsbane lost her and found her trail again at the crumbling Highway 23 except it was two hours old and mixed with horse scents. She was hitchhiking. Great. Awesome. At least she always carried a knife with her. When I relayed this to Curran he shrugged and said, "If she kills anybody we'll make it go away."

ilona-andrews julie kate magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

af7efdf

"He glued the chair to my ass." Silence. "Is it still...attached?" "I can't get it off."

curran ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

3a1ceeb

"Any messages for me?" Usually I got one or two, but mostly people who wanted my help preferred to talk in person. "Yes. Hold on." She pulled out a handful of pink tickets and recited from memory, without checking the paper. "Seven forty-two a.m., Mr. Gasparian: I curse you. I curse your arms so they wither and die and fall off your body. I curse your eyeballs to explode. I curse your feet to swell until blue. I curse your spine to crack. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you."

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds maxine

Ilona Andrews

af6b6a7

"Grandpa?" Declan raised his eyebrows. "We keep him in the shed out back," Jack said helpfully. "So he doesn't eat dog brains." --

grandpa-cletus ilona-andrews jack on-the-edge

Ilona Andrews

11e41ff

"How are you?" "Perfectly fine," he said. "Are your ribs broken?" "Probably not. Cracked at most. We fought very carefully." "Did this settle anything?" "It made me feel better," he said, sitting up. "Did you see me kick him in the kidneys?" "I saw."

ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose

Ilona Andrews

235640f

"If you don't explain it all to me, I might strangle somebody." Of course, Raphael might like that..."

curran hyenas ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-burns raphael soup

Ilona Andrews

3f8f03d

I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged.

drowning humor ilona-andrews kate magic-strikes tub

Ilona Andrews

4b3a6ea

I know it may come as a shock, but it's sort of considered polite to wait for the consent of the woman. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if you don't wait, you may have to deal with pesky criminal charges like kidnapping and rape.

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

8a1cfff

"Hold your horses. I'm coming."... "From where I'm standing you're just breathing laboriously." The snow swam out of focus. "Breathing hard. Are you coming or just breathing hard. You've got to get your one-liners straight."

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

81d812c

"It became known that I had a rather fertile imagination, when it came to private activities." She stared. "What sort of private activities?" This time he did smile, and it turned his face wicked. "Disrobe, and I'll be happy to demonstrate."

ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose

Ilona Andrews

e35d6b8

Unfortunately, the Best Lord had condemned both vehicles as unsafe and instead I now leased a Pack Jeep I called Hector. Equipped with dual engines, Hector worked during magic or tech. He didn't go very fast, especially during magic, but so far he hadn't stalled on me either. As long as our high-speed chases stayed under forty-five miles an hour, we would be all set.

hector ilona-andrews kate magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

d520ff2

He'd laugh in my face, then I'd slice him to ribbons and then he'd break my neck

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

5ed3dba

"The vampire leaned forward, tapping a scimitar claw. "Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?" "Yep." "Is he carrying a moon on his pitchfork?" "No, it's a pie."

ilona-andrews kate lion magic-bleeds pie

Ilona Andrews

b0ebe80

"You're right, my problems are the biggest problems ever," George said. "No, honestly, it's horrible to be me. I'm rich, talented, and I make girls cry." "How do you make girls cry, exactly?" George turned to her. His blue eyes widened. His lovely face took on a forlorn, deeply troubled expression. He leaned forward, and, in a theatrical whisper, said, "My past is tragic. I wouldn't want to burden you with it. It's a pain I must suffer alone. In the rain. In silence." --

fate-s-edge funny george ilona-andrews the-edge

Ilona Andrews

dc7f0ec

"Torch strode over and stared at the fiver "What's this?" "Some change for you. Buy your flunkies some decent clothes." I dipped my fingers into the jar and smeared think fragrant paste on my face. Torch frowned, mirroring the expression on my aunt's face. "Change?" Oh, for crying out loud. "It's money. We don't use coins as currency now, we use paper money." He stared at me. "I'm insulting you! I'm saying your poor, like a beggar, because your undead are in rags. I'm offering to clothe your servants for you, because you can't provide for them. Come on, how thick do you have to be?" He jerked his hand up. A jet of flame erupted from his fingers, sliding against the ward. I jerked back from the windows on instinct. The fire died. I leaned forward. "Do you understand now?" More fire. "What's the matter? Was that not enough money?"

ilona-andrews kate magic-bleeds poor

Ilona Andrews

ed03e40

One day, she'd find a way to live her life to the fullest. She was sure of it. She just had no idea how she would manage it.

girl ilona-andrews life live lost on-the-edge she

Ilona Andrews

cec126c

Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics.

erra ilona-andrews magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

cf69801

When you want to take over a city, you have to destroy the illusion of safety it provides. You have to hit the large well-protected establishments, find the powerful people who run them and are viewed as invincible, and kill them. You want to destroy the morale first. Once the people's resolve is gone and everyone is scared for their own skin, the city is yours.

ilona-andrews magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

060d6f6

"So, regarding that tidbit about your having a fertile imagination when it comes to private activities," she said, fighting off anxiety. "Was it another lie?" "Depends on how you look at it. It's not exactly a lie, and if you come with me to the Weird, you'll find that rumors of my 'creativity' when it comes to bed games with the opposite sex do exist. I started them myself and managed them very carefully. The trick with rumors is to feed them once in a while, so they don't die."

ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose rumors

Ilona Andrews

783f127

"You call that evening the odds? You demolished them." Demolished. He liked that. "I left you one." "I noticed." "I promised to share," he told her. "Manners are very important in the Weird. Lying would be quite impolite."

cerise ilona-andrews odds the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

de9d4e7

"How is it different?" He rolled his head back, sable hair falling down on his shoulders. "With Rose I knew what to say. I could take a step back and talk to her. I remembered all the crap from the magaznies. It was easy." "And with me, it's hard?" Why? Because she was a swamp girl? And how did the magazines fit into it? William looked away from her. "I don't like it when you're away. If I don't see you, I can't settle down. If I see you talking with another man, I want to claw his throat out. And none of the things you're supposed to say fit." Oh, this had to be good. "What sort of things?" He sighed. "The lines. Like, 'You're my everything,' or 'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

cerise ilona-andrews pick-up-lines rose the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

23b0767

"It could be worse," he said finally. "Efrenia married an arsonist. Jake's wife is a kleptomaniac. I suppose, a psychopathic spree killer isn't that odd of a choice, considering."

cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

85690e9

On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt.

gift-horse ilona-andrews kate kate-daniels magic-bites ted

Ilona Andrews

bc425d5

"Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more , less . Duuude." "Dude." "Dude." "Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?" George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit." His stuff... "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it?"

fate-s-edge funny george hanging ilona-andrews jack perverted the-edge

Ilona Andrews

bb51035

"Oh, Gods." His eyes shone with want and predatory satisfaction. "The name's William. It's a common mistake."

bayou-moon cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

61c904e

"Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don't look awful this time. Me (Ilona): ... ~A little later~ Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen* Kid 1: Hey, you've got to see these pies. *opening the stove*

funny ilona-andrews ilona-andrews-website kids pie thanksgiving

Ilona Andrews

90ba376

Some women waited for a night in shining armor. She, apparently, had ended up with a knight in black jeans and leather, who wanted to chase her down and have his evil way with her.

cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

a4ccdb0

Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar away from him, and you'll get yourself a fight.

fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge

Ilona Andrews

932b6d6

"She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing... "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim. She blinked and stared at me. She'd seen my eyes glow. I let go, shifting in the dark into my true form in the dark. If you want a Kitty, little girl, I'll give you one you'll never forget. I stepped into the moonlight. She froze. That's right. No sudden moves. I padded toward her slowly and circled her allowing her take it all in. Do you like the kitty now? I could smell her surprise and fear. Our gazes met. Her eyes went wide and then she fell on her ass. Heh. A bow would have been sufficient."

humor ilona-andrews kate-daniels kitty-kitty

Ilona Andrews

4dad993

Rose pictured him standing at the boundary of the Ogletree house in that enormous fur cape, with a giant sword sticking over his shoulder, roaring at the top of his lungs and then being upset that nobody came out, and laughed.

ilona-andrews on-the-edge rose

Ilona Andrews

8a1e082

"At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?" "No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God!"

fate-s-edge funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge

Ilona Andrews

5ecc045

Stealers, keepers.

fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar stealing the-edge

Ilona Andrews

6aac37e

"Did I hurt you in the parking lot?" "No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car." Great."

fate-s-edge funny george ilona-andrews the-edge

Ilona Andrews

948fd4e

"You said he was a soldier. You don't suppose...?" "Oh, Gods." Ignata blinked. "You think something could be wrong down there?" All of them looked at William, who chose this precise moment to slide the wet shirt back on his back, which required him to flex, raising his arms. "That would be a shame," Cerise murmured."

cerise ignata ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

9cf089e

"It depends. If I don't let you in, will you huff and puff and blow my house down?" She had no idea. "I'm more of a kick the door open and cut everyone inside to ribbons kind of wolf."

cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william wolf

Ilona Andrews

d90dc72

...they tended towards the simple pleasures in life: drinking, whoring and fighting, preferably all three at once.

ilona-andrews magic-bleeds

Ilona Andrews

1195f07

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.

cerise fate-s-edge funny ilona-andrews the-edge violent

Ilona Andrews

87ccb7c

"The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it, but I didn't. I just gave him some drugs." "You gave an addict in rehab drugs, and you want credit for it?" "Of course it sounds bad when you put it that way."

audrey fate-s-edge funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge

Ilona Andrews

737f2a5

"You could buy a car for fifty thousand dollars. A really nice car." Ascanio's eyes lit up. "A Hummer. You could buy a converted Hummer." "You don't need a Hummer." I said. "Chicks dig the Hummer." "You don`t need any chicks either." He gave me an injured look. "I have needs." "I have needs too and right now I need you to concentrate on tracking down Jamar`s collection. Get to it." - Andrea & Ascanio"

ascanio gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews

Ilona Andrews

2633f68

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her.

cerise funny hair ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

7e80ce3

"The black volhv pivoted to me. "I have questions." "Can it wait?" "No. Your wedding is in two weeks. Have you prepared your guest list?" "Why do I need a list? I kind of figured that whoever wanted to show up would show up." "You need a list so you know how many people you are feeding. Do you have a caterer?" "No." "But you did order the cake?" "Umm..." "Florist?" "Florist?" "The person who delivers expensive flowers and sets them up in pretty arrangements everyone ignores?" "No." Roman blinked. "I'm almost afraid to ask. Do you at least have the dress?" "Yes." "Is it white?" "Yes." He squinted at me. "Is it a wedding dress?" "It's a white dress." "Have you worn it before?" "Maybe." Ascanio snickered." "The ring, Kate?" Oh crap. Roman heaved a sigh. "What do you think this is, a party where you get to show up, say 'I do,' and go home?" "Yes?" That's kind of how it went in my head."

ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites

Ilona Andrews

e4a79ff

"Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Look at you, all high-speed." "Yeah, you'd think I was a detective or something." Andrea held her hand out. "You'll jinx it."

ilona-andrews kate magic-slays

Ilona Andrews

0a47e09

Failure happened. The trick was to accept the risk and try anyway.

failure ilona-andrews the-edge

Ilona Andrews

38af23b

"You say the sweetest things. And that spaghetti perfume you're wearing is to die for. No hobo could resist." She snarled. Heh."

cerise ilona-andrews spaghetti-queen the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

69432ac

Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod?

ilona-andrews magic-bites

Ilona Andrews

76a207b

"Will you take this seriously? The future of an entire species is at stake." "Yes, we're going to save them with a fart gun."

ilona-andrews innkeeper-chronicles sean-evans

Ilona Andrews

1e15d58

"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount." Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then." Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!" Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."

fate-s-edge funny gnome ilona-andrews the-edge

Ilona Andrews

a5fa322

"Oh, I don't know. I might grow on you." She furrowed her pretty eyebrows. "Like a cancer?" "Like a favorite vice."

fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge

Ilona Andrews

e4cbbe1

"Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night. "Guess what?" She leaned closer. "You will never be that man."

fate-s-edge fun funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge

Ilona Andrews

118695a

Life was too short and ended too suddenly. If you didn't take advantage of what you had today, tomorrow it might be ripped from you.

cerise ilona-andrews life the-edge

Ilona Andrews

eee48ed

"I realized that I'm a child." William looked point-blank at her chest. "No."

cerise child ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

945dee5

"Did you see how she got all hot under the collar?" Grandma Frida said in a theatrical whisper behind me. She's not over him. "I can hear you!"

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Ilona Andrews

777957c

Slowly the reality of the situation sank in. He got his ass kicked, learned nothing, and got saved by a dumb dog and an old lady. If he lived long enough to report to Nancy back in Adrianglia, he would have to gloss over this part.

bayou-moon ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

855cc19

When walking into the lair of the dragon after robbing his hoard, the least you could do is hold you head high [...]

dragon fate-s-edge ilona-andrews pride the-edge

Ilona Andrews

1946d62

He said that the man must be your husband, because only someone we love very much can make us this crazy.

ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-rises

Ilona Andrews

942d829

"She surveyed the carnage behind him. "Did you have fun?" He showed her his teeth. "Yes."

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Ilona Andrews

2a94fbf

"Behind him Kaldar nudged Urow's youngest son. "Bet you he lasts at least thirty seconds." "Um..." Gaston looked at him. "No he won't." "Bet me something." "I don't have anything." Kaldar grimaced. "Pick up that rock." Gaston swiped the rock off the ground. "Now you have a rock. I bet this five bucks against your rock." Gaston grinned. "Deal."

betting gaston ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

3d7937e

"Doolittle nodded to one of his assistants. The short, slight woman approached Roman's cot. "We're going to put you in your own private room." "Is this a code for killing me?" Roman asked. "Because I won't be easy to take down." Roman the Volhv)))"

ilona-andrews roman

Ilona Andrews

fa8a32d

"That's all right," she told him. "I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine." Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism."

fate-s-edge funny gaston george ilona-andrews jack kaldar male-skepticism the-edge

Ilona Andrews

8df7fc5

Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it. Now that was an interesting thought.

funny ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge tongue

Ilona Andrews

6837d27

"When alone in a dark forest waiting for an audience with an evil god, the most prudent course of action is to be quiet and wait. 'Prudent' wasn't one of my favourite words. "Hello? I've come to borrow a cup of sugar. Anybody? Perhaps there is an old woman with a house made of candy who could help me?" "Marrying for love isn't wise." The voice came from somewhere to the left. Melodious, but not soft, definitely female and charged with a promise of hidden power. Something told me that hearing her scream would end very badly for me. I stopped and pivoted toward the voice. "Marry for safety. Marry for power. But only fools marry for love." When a strange voice talks to you in the black woods, only idiots answer. I was that idiot. "Thank you, counsellor. How much do I owe you for this session?"

ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites

Ilona Andrews

571ba16

"Kaldar smiled at her. Now there was a work of art. If she were just a girl and he were just a man, and they met at a party, that smile would've guaranteed him a date. The man was hot. There was no doubt. But right now, all it would get him was a solid punch in those even teeth. Audrey laughed. "Aren't you sweet? Tell me, do girls usually throw their panties at you when you do that?" He grinned wider, and she glimpsed the funny evil spark in his eyes. "Do men throw money when you do your little Southern belle?"

fate-s-edge ilona-andrews kaldar southern-belle the-edge

Ilona Andrews

11ddd53

"A forest," William said, his expression distant. "Where the ground is dry soil and stone. Where tall trees grow and centuries of autumn carpet their roots. Where the wind smells of game and wildflowers." "Why, that was lovely, Lord Bill. Do you ever write poetry? Something for your blueblood lady?" "No." "She doesn't like poetry?" "Leave it." Hehe. "Oh, so you have a lady. How interes--"

cerise funny ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

8f7382b

"She put her hand on her hip. "Where are you going?" "To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool." Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him."

cerise funny ilona-andrews lord-bill the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

449b71c

"He hung his head. "Am I punished?" "Yes. I'm too mad to punish you right now. We'll talk about it when we get home. Go brush your teeth, comb your hair, put on dry clothes, and get the guns. We're going to Wal-Mart."

ilona-andrews on-the-edge wal-mart walmart

Ilona Andrews

5454995

"Kaldar picked up a rock and tossed it into the clearing. It landed between two wards. A green stem shot out of the ground, and a hail of needle-thin thorns peppered the soil, striking sparks off the rock. "You got any money on you?" "No." Kaldar grimaced. "What do you have?" William made a mental inventory of some twenty-odd items he'd pulled out of the Mirror's bag of tricks and hid in his clothes this morning. Not much he could part with. "A knife," he said. "Fine. I'll bet my knife against your knife that I can walk through there unharmed."

betting ilona-andrews kaldar the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

1dabb3b

"An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers."

funny ilona-andrews kaldar raccoon the-edge

Ilona Andrews

bf0fc54

William's eyes glowed like two amber coals. She met his gaze and flinched. No emotion reflected in the amber, only intelligence, cruel in a way the eyes of a hunting Mire cat were cruel. She saw no worry, no softness, no thoughts at all, only waiting. He seemed barely human now, not a man but some feral thing, knitted of darkness and biding his time for an opportunity to pounce.

cerise ilona-andrews the-edge william

Ilona Andrews

4d652f0

"The skull sat on top of an old Stop sign. Someone had painted the surface of the octagon white and written KEEP OUT across it in large jagged letters. A reddish-brown splatter stained the bottom edge, looking suspiciously like dried blood. I leaned closer. Yep, blood. Some hair, too. Human hair. Curran frowned at the sign. "Do you think he's trying to tell us something?" "I don't know. He's being so subtle about it."

ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites

Ilona Andrews

e7a5619

"He smiled at me, turning into the old Sean Evans. The transformation was so sudden, I blinked to make sure I didn't imagine it. "Because you're a carebear."

humor ilona-andrews sean-evans

Ilona Andrews

94e7fec

"He smiled at me, turning into the old Sean Evans. The transformation was so sudden, I blinked to make sure I didn't imagine it. "Because you're a carebear." "What?" "You're the type to get out of a perfectly dry car in the middle of a storm in your best dress so you can scoop a wet dog off the road. You help people, Dina. That's what you do. And the Hiru need help." "I'm sensible," I told him. "I'll give you till tonight," he said. "You won't even last twenty-four hours. I bet my right arm on it."

ilona-andrews inkeeper-chronicles sean-evans

Ilona Andrews

9a07f61

"How did your day go?" "I got some head. It was vamp, but still." I stared at her. Kate was the last person I would have expected to make that joke. Well, someone had loosened up since mating. "That good, huh." "Yup."

gunmetal-magic ilona-andrews

Ilona Andrews