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5bdc569
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How many times had those awful words - "I know what I'm doing" - been uttered throughout history as prelude to disaster? " --
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Christopher Buckley |
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3e70324
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Oil they would buy from anyone. From Satan.
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satan
oil
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Christopher Buckley |
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8b6694e
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I looked at Mum and realized -- -- that she was telling an untruth. A untruth. And I remember thinking in that instant how thrilling and grown-up it must be to say something so untrue, as opposed to the little amateur fibs I was already practiced at -- horrid little apprentice sinner that I was --like the ones about you'd already said your prayers or washed under the fingernails. Yes, I was . I too must learn to say these gorgeous un..
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lies
mendacity
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Christopher Buckley |
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6e1e59a
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Nothing raises the national temperature more than a VACANCY sign hanging from the colonnaded front of the Supreme Court.
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supreme
temperature
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Christopher Buckley |
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487e407
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Necessity is the motherfucker of invention.
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necessity
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Christopher Buckley |
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babe927
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You never remember who came to the funeral, but you never forget who didn't.
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Christopher Buckley |
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f29e7ed
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Perhaps, after all, the most beautiful words in the language are I'm sorry.
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Christopher Buckley |
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484b921
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Justices look solemn in their formal black robes, but every so often they like to have a little fun by taking on a strange case, or overturning a presidential election, that sort of thing.
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Christopher Buckley |
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d5ccb88
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A twenty-minute eulogy, unless composed by a) William Shakespeare, b) Winston Churchill, or c) Mark Twain, is sixteen minutes too long. Technical note: It is better to tell a eulogist to speak for four minutes not five minutes. "Five minutes" to the modern ear sounds like "around five minutes," whereas "four minutes" means "four minutes."
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Christopher Buckley |
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438a813
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In our corrupt times, the virtue of a Pontiff is commended when he does not surpass the wickedness of other men. --Francesco Guicciardini, History of Italy, 1561
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Christopher Buckley |
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16571b1
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Let's look at this rationally...We've got a doctor who may kill him, an Attorney General who wants to declare him bananas, and a Defense Secretary who wants me to start World War III...First, we ruled out starting World War III. We were down to killing the President or having him carted off by the men in white coats...
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Christopher Buckley |
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28b9688
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You do this pronoun shift. You may not even be aware of it. If it's a 'bold idea,' it's 'ours.' If it's a 'nutty idea,' it's 'yours.'" "Grammar Nazi. Would it be enough to say I want to be president to . . ." "I'm listening." Randy said, "I was about to say, 'To give something back,' but it sounds so pathetic. What it really boils down to is, I'd like to be in charge for just five minutes. Balance the books. Get us out of debt. Be nice to o..
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Christopher Buckley |
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432800b
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Speechwriters are fundamentally Calvinist: They become nervous if their principals exhibit free will and depart from the prepared text.
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Christopher Buckley |
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2cc2437
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Once they're both gone, your parents' house instantly turns into a museum.
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Christopher Buckley |
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8918f1b
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Block of Death. Just inside the door on the left is the room where they held the proceedings. Jarek remarks that the SS officer who sentenced five thousand Poles here to die was still alive last year, living in Germany, age ninety-two. We ask why. He shrugs. At the far end on the corridor, on the left, looking out into the courtyard, is the room where the condemned were stripped and held. An illustration depicts a naked girl holding on to h..
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Christopher Buckley |
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19c38fa
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It was--unthinkable: three of the most powerful men in Europe--the world--the Pope, the Emperor Maximilian, and Albrecht--all wanted Luther tied to a stake and burned. Yet each time they reached out to light the fire, Luther snatched the torch from their hands and set fire to their own robes. How was a mere monk able to do this? Because he was protected by the Elector Frederick, who declined to hand over one of his Saxon subjects to other a..
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Christopher Buckley |
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0c5da31
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There is no point in arguing if you are not susceptible to reason. Embrace your cynicism. Hug it.
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Christopher Buckley |
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f8366b9
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Why should you give up God because of gunpowder? Since the world began, God in his wisdom has given us tools with which to slaughter each other. Jawbones of asses. Slings. Swords. Crossbows. Why shouldn't he give us gunpowder?
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Christopher Buckley |
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040929b
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Ronald Reagan used to say that the nine scariest words in the English language were 'I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.
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Christopher Buckley |
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18fb3fe
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What a country, America. A lunatic asylum, without enough attendants or tranquilizers.
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Christopher Buckley |
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c108d4c
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Give me smart, young, and angry and I'll move the world.
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Christopher Buckley |
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61ec30a
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yourself." "Maybe we should analyze it. Maybe a little discovery is in order." "Maybe a little getting under the covers is in order. Baby?" "Yes?" "Are you going to take off your overcoat? Feels like making it with a flasher." "Good point. Jesus, Pep," he sighed soulfully. "Keep taking off the coat. That's it. Now how about the jacket? There you go. . . ." "Six months ago I was happily married." Pepper rolled her eyes. "Married, okay. Happi..
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Christopher Buckley |
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09783ad
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Come on, Terry. Forgotten what it's like to be young and angry?" Terry shrugged. "I'm middle-aged and angry. With good Scotch, I can deal with the anger."
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Christopher Buckley |
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e76b0f3
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So we've gone from 'Don't trust anyone over thirty' to 'Don't drink any Scotch under thirty'? Is this what's become of your revolution?
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Christopher Buckley |
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9082341
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No one likes lawyers until you need one, at which point they assume the raiment of knights.
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Christopher Buckley |
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8a7951b
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But why would I give my watch, my precious watch and fob, to a--Russian who-re?" "Two Russian who-res. Perhaps to avoid being beaten to death by two very large Russian pimps."
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Christopher Buckley |
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71affb6
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The corporal's morale is excellent verging on sublime, sir.
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Christopher Buckley |
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0a918e2
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The corporal also reads glossy magazines," Cass said. "When not composing Shakespearean-quality media advisories pertaining to our mission here. Sir."
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Christopher Buckley |
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c3261ac
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Oderint dum metuant." "You're going to have to translate that for me. I didn't go to Gratin." "It's Groton. Means 'Let them hate, so long as they fear.' Cato."
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Christopher Buckley |
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772e09d
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The corporal was not having sex with the congressman in a minefield.
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Christopher Buckley |