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f90912b
|
And the design is quite brilliant," Vik said as he demonstrated the movable bottom that pressed all the blood into the lid. "Vampire Push Pops," I said. My sister grinned and elbowed me."
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Eric R. Asher |
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025accc
|
How can you make jokes after learning such things?" You learn to laugh, or you paint the walls with your brains. But what I said was, "It's how we cope." --
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Eric R. Asher |
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bbb7f89
|
The guests and I spent a glorious thirty minutes on some of the most uncomfortable folding chairs my ass has ever borne witness to, listening to a pastor who could make a sloth look like a gerbil on crack.
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Eric R. Asher |
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0c20dc7
|
It was a little odd being single and watching an old girlfriend get married. It was also pretty funny knowing at least three people in the room, besides the groom, had slept with the bride.
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Eric R. Asher |
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341e942
|
Look on the bright side," Foster said. "If it's not the right thing, you'll be too dead to worry about it." Carter grimaced. "Thanks, I feel much better now." "There is no better way to die, than to die with your enemies' entrails in your fist."
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Eric R. Asher |
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2823c16
|
What?" "There is no better-" "Stop, never mind. I heard you the first time." "What's up with the wolf?" Foster said as he looked at me. "Gee, I have no clue." "Was it the entrails?"
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Eric R. Asher |
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120c746
|
He glanced down at the paper, then looked at Sam. His jaw opened slowly and he turned back to the picture of Elizabeth's mom. "Fuck me, is that a pigeon head in her hair? Please tell me you did that." "Yes, he did," Sam said."
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Eric R. Asher |
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3fd720e
|
She's a firecracker, that one." "She's usually the most reasonable of the bunch," I said. The Old Man shook his head and stroked his beard. "You've obviously not seen her angry." "Ah, but I've seen her naked."
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Eric R. Asher |
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4545efa
|
Every attack should bring death. Every death should be legendary.
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Eric R. Asher |
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0743d95
|
Um, what did you say?" He was screaming again. "I said you almost hit the highway impact attenuation devices!" "The what?" "The barrels! The big fucking yellow barrels!"
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Eric R. Asher |
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efa0f2f
|
Everyone let out a sigh of relief as Carter came into view. "Look what I found!" he said as he held up the decapitated head of the other Alpha. I grimaced and said, "Carter, you don't know where that's been."
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Eric R. Asher |
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eae9546
|
Some of us were not born to fight." "When the options are fight or die, everyone was born to fight."
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Eric R. Asher |
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5b8e366
|
I worked hard not to stare when she leaned forward, showing me more cleavage as she laughed. I'd consider my effort not to stare a moderate success.
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Eric R. Asher |
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425901e
|
I stared at my sister as she started walking back to us. Blood ran down her chin and was splattered across her face. "He's dead," she said. "Thank you, Captain Obvious," I said."
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Eric R. Asher |
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bb96ac0
|
Let's just go inside." "Amen," Dominic said as he dropped out of the shadows behind Dell, who proceeded to jump and squeal. It was a manly squeal."
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Eric R. Asher |
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c68aa4d
|
Have you ever eaten meat on a Friday?" Mike asked as the stairs echoed beneath our footsteps. "What?" I said. "Does cow count?" "Ah, then you were already going to hell," Mike said."
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Eric R. Asher |
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8606850
|
Almost on cue, both vampires snapped out their fangs and slammed them into the top of the cups. "Vampire sippy cups," I muttered. Both of them stifled laughter in an effort not to spray the room in blood."
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Eric R. Asher |
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8b16cf3
|
I'm impressed you survived your childhood, Damian," Alan said. "We all have our talents," I said."
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Eric R. Asher |
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af74115
|
He knew exactly what he was doing with every atrocity he committed. There is no hope for someone who loses themselves to righteousness.
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Eric R. Asher |
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d0e6bea
|
The world will try to beat you down. It will steal your will. The best thing you can do is kick it in the balls.
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Eric R. Asher |
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8444c20
|
Good for naps," Alan said, stretching his legs out with a lazy smile. I gave Alan a slow nod. "You've learned my most secret of secrets. You can never leave here alive." "Just ignore him," Alan said. "He has a terrible sense of humor."
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Eric R. Asher |
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ab40cc0
|
Your soul will rot in flames until the end of days." "Oh," I said. "At least it's not something bad." --
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Eric R. Asher |
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03eb078
|
I watched the road as the sun fell lower in the sky, and the vampire god beside me nobly scarfed down a slider.
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Eric R. Asher |
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6bd961d
|
There are days so great, you wish them to never end, There are days gone so bad, you wish them never to have been, And there are days when hell kicks in your front door.
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Eric R. Asher |
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5595657
|
Hopefully this girl gets a happy ending. The last two sure as hell didn't. I
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Eric R. Asher |
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53c535e
|
What humanity fears, it exterminates,
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Eric R. Asher |
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8ad3791
|
drag fertile human women into fairy mounds to provide milk for the fairy children.
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Eric R. Asher |
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549c14f
|
Ale burns like a bitch when you shoot it through your nose.
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Eric R. Asher |
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c13d1a2
|
Tired of hunting down sources of milk for the kids? Call in the next half hour and we'll give you two, that's two cu siths for the price of one. Don't want to drag those screaming women home all by yourself? Call now!
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Eric R. Asher |
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a92f0a1
|
Unless you consider pissing yourself and running away screaming a gift, which some do.
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Eric R. Asher |
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9d37a06
|
There're going to be a lot of unexplained scars in the morning.
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Eric R. Asher |
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42db3c5
|
There is far more evil in the world than there are things trying to destroy it.
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Eric R. Asher |