A Course in Miracles says we think we're going to understand people in order to figure out whether or not they're worthy of our love, but that actually, until we love them, we can never understand them. What is not loved is not understood. We hold ourselves separate from people and wait for them to earn our love, but people deserve our love because of what God created them to be. As long as we're waiting for them to be anything better, we will constantly be disappointed. When we choose to join with them through approval and unconditional love, the miracle kicks in for both parties. This is the primary key, the ultimate miracle, in relationships.