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2699980
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I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.
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sense-of-self
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Beatrice Sparks |
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2192d39
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It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
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diary
marijuana
pot
go-ask-alice
drugs
heroin
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Beatrice Sparks |
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1be50ed
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I'm partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we're all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don't like them. Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don't want to be a robot!
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Beatrice Sparks |
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d1f58a2
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I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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1f9d019
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I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn't hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I'm stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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61876fd
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I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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d500e86
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Maybe the new me will be different.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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f6e300c
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I'm afraid to live and afraid to die.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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cb10627
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How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten an function still talk and smile and concentrate?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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9455f00
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How can thoughts hurt so much when they aren't even physical?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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3c8b09e
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Why is life so difficult? Why can't we be just ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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0707555
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She didn't know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.
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running-away-from-problems
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Beatrice Sparks |
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144781a
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The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it's just dull. Everything's dull. Maybe it's because I'm growing up and life is becoming more blase.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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16daf30
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Nobody's talking to me, but nobody's hassling me either. I guess you can't have everything.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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b9b2cbb
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I'd have died without them [books]. Even now I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.
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go-ask-alice
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Beatrice Sparks |
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a8b64f1
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They have accepted me as an individual, as a personality, as an entity. I belong! I am important! I am somebody!
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Beatrice Sparks |
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716a790
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I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.
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physical-change
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Beatrice Sparks |
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07f6659
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The complete bottom has fallen out of my life.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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9389b13
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I'm afraid to hope but I can't help it, and the idea of hoping in this most hopeless of all places makes me want to cry.
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depressed
hopeless
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Beatrice Sparks |
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7de3fc5
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I've been asleep and I don't know if it's the same day or week or year, but who the hell cares anyway?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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66dcb31
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I'm partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we're all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don't like them.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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6d74351
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We get pissed off when someone tells us what to do, but we don't know what to do unless some fat bastard tell us.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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8dfdf62
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I don't want to get old. I have this very silly fear, dear friend, that one day I'll be old, without ever having really been young.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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5ec7049
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I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs--which shows how screwed up this world really is!
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go-ask-alice
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Beatrice Sparks |
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c6cf2e6
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I looked at sky this morning and realized summer is almost gone which really made me sad because it doesn't seem as though its been here at all.
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summer
sad
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Beatrice Sparks |
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69cc7d2
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This morning when I left Mom's parting words were, "Come straight home after school." Wow! Like I'm going to get stoned at 3:30--it doesn't sound so bad at that."
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Beatrice Sparks |
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4bf6dcf
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I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe Lewis G Carroll was on drugs too.
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high
lewis-carroll
trip
drugs
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Beatrice Sparks |
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b4c4063
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I'm partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we're all trying to be shadows of each other...
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Beatrice Sparks |
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d06ea62
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Adolescents have a very rocky insecure time. Grown-ups treat them like children and yet expect them to act like adults. They give them orders like little animals, then expect them to react like mature, and always rational, self-assured persons of legal stature.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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988910a
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Tal vez ha sido bueno sufrir tanto, pues eso me hara mas comprensiva y tolerante con el resto de la humanidad.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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d551fe7
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Antes pensaba que la unica que sentia las cosas era yo, pero realmente no soy sino una parte infinitamente pequena de la humanidad que sufre.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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6b849d1
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Tengo este necio temor: el temor de ser vieja sin haber sido nunca joven de verdad.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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01a7bf6
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Por que sera tan dificil la vida? ?Por que no podemos ser como somos y que nos acepten como tales? ?Por que no puedo ser yo, sencillamente, tal como soy ahora, sin necesidad de concentrarme, de mortificarme sobre mi pasado y sobre mi futuro?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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6e2a616
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I wanted to ask God to help me but I could utter only words, dark, useless words which fell on the floor beside me and rolled off into the corners and underneath the bed.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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d952800
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Como puedo sentirme tan miserable, turbada, humillada, apaleada, y hablar todavia, funcionar, sonreir y, concentrarme?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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97f495e
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Incluso con mis amigas no soy realmente yo misma. En parte soy otra; tratando de encajar, de decir cosas apropiadas, de hacer las cosas requeridas, de estar en el lugar mas indicado, de vestir como visten todos. A veces pienso que cada uno trata de ser la sombra de otro; compramos los mismos discos y hacemos como los demas, aunque no nos guste. Los muchachos son como robots, piezas en linea para el montaje, y yo no quiero ser un robot.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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e841f28
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I used to think I was the only one who felt things. but I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity. It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would really be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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7e7b865
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one day I'll be old, without ever having really been young
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young
passed
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Beatrice Sparks |
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a71fa69
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Querido Diario: Han transcurrido mil anos lunares, del tiempo lunar. Todo el mundo ha estado contando historias menos yo. No tengo nada digno que contar. Todo lo que puedo hacer es dibujar monstruos, organos internos y odiar.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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52c55ea
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I think I'd better take some of Gramps' sleeping pills, I'm never going to be able to sleep without them. In fact I think I'd better take a supply of them. He's got plenty, and I'm sure I'll have a few bad nights at home before I get straightened out. Oh, I hope it's just a few.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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fffdf7c
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Actually I don't need the sleep as much as I need the escape. It's a wonderful way to escape. I think I can't stand it and then I just take a pill and wait for sweet nothingness to take over. At this stage in my life nothingness is a lot better than somethingness.
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Beatrice Sparks |
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f9214dc
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I wanted to tell them! I wanted more than anything in the world to know that they understood, but naturally they just kept on talking and talking because they are incapable of really understanding anything. If only parents would listen! If only they would let us talk instead of forever and eternally and continuously harping and preaching and nagging and correcting and yacking, yacking, yacking! But they won't listen! They simply won't or ca..
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Beatrice Sparks |
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3d56aec
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It all seems so permanent, so old and new at the same time. But I wonder if I will ever feel completely new again. Or will I spend the rest of my life feeling like a walking disease?
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Beatrice Sparks |
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d388f56
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Tengo la impresion de estar perdiendo el interes por todo. Tal vez se deba a que estoy creciendo o que la vida se esta volviendo mas asquerosa.
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lessons-learned
hard-times
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Beatrice Sparks |