4701886
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The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies. Rule number two: Everything lasts forever.
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universe
time
love
infinity
paradox
forever
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Craig Ferguson |
56dd826
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Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.
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money
drinking
heartbreak
alcoholism
insane
mental-illness
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Craig Ferguson |
8be20dc
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I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.
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life
parents
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Craig Ferguson |
68eb5f4
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maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun."
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Craig Ferguson |
565671d
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I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
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Craig Ferguson |
05bda9d
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He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.
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success
glory
failure
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Craig Ferguson |
f4f6296
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Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.
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pathology
rehab
disease
recovery
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Craig Ferguson |
cf8e019
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Its hard to stay up. Its been a long long day And you've got the sandman at your door. But hang on, leave the TV on and lets do it anyway. Its ok. You can always sleep through work tomorrow. Ok? Hey, Hey, Tomorrow's just your future yesterday. Tell the clock on the wall, "Forget the wake up call." Cause the night's not nearly through. Wipe the sleep from your eyes. Give yourself a surprise. Let your worries wait another day. And if you st..
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sleep
work
tv
theme
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Craig Ferguson |
126904f
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
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poem
poetry
thanksgiving
masturbation
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Craig Ferguson |
d13e1a2
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I'm always a bit shy around evil people...
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Craig Ferguson |
13fb2cc
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Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
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writing
control
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Craig Ferguson |
fdd4111
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I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. "Listen," she said, not unkindly, "up until now I would say that ninety-nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?" I nodded. "Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money...
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rehab
drugs
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Craig Ferguson |
a1d02a0
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Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled.
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life-lessons
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Craig Ferguson |
96fcc6e
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Gillette--The best a man can get." I stared at the screen. What happened to me? I was meant to be one of those guys, vigorous and athletic and successful and, most of all, American. I was going to walk on the moon, be a movie star or a rock got or a comedian. I was going to have an amazing life and kids with Helen and die like Chaplin a thousand years from now in my Beverly Hills mansion surrounded by my adoring family, with the grieving wo..
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love
contemplation
rehab
realization
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Craig Ferguson |
14b5648
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On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn't keep in touch. They're probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.
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music
humor
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Craig Ferguson |
0908b4e
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Ros was dead. He had loved heroin more than it loved him. I was shocked beyond imagining; he was the first of my friends to fall.
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friendship
drugs
heroin
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Craig Ferguson |
fc0c248
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From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
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humor
rock-and-roll
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Craig Ferguson |
d3aceb6
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Fraser's mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place. She like to talk about Sartre sometimes, just as insurance.
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Craig Ferguson |
c691ea6
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It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?
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sober
alcohol
drunk
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Craig Ferguson |
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I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.
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comfort
rehab
recovery
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Craig Ferguson |
fa228bc
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School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic--I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through..
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reading
books
read
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Craig Ferguson |
1179fa7
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For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you the world. Have fun blowing it up.
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Craig Ferguson |
a90a083
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That's why I believe in a Constitution which separates church from state. I've seen what happens when they get in cahoots.
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Craig Ferguson |
5d132e4
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WHITE AMERICANS HAVE A VERY UNUSUAL SENSE OF HISTORY. They make it up as they go along, constantly revising to suit their tastes in a manner that would make Stalin blush. Very few of them saw any irony in the fact that during a recent nasty Balkans conflict, when Uncle Sam intervened to stop the Serbs from ethnically cleansing the Bosnians, the military action was performed using Apache helicopter gunships. Helicopters named after a people ..
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Craig Ferguson |
f9c0e6e
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This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.
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Craig Ferguson |
dc452a1
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Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often.
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man
laws
right-and-wrong
rules
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Craig Ferguson |
85b5ed8
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The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.
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man
god
infection
word-of-god
translation
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Craig Ferguson |
2de1ec2
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He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.
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humanity
religion
sheep
gullibility
power
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Craig Ferguson |
87957f7
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I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.
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work
love
effort
pride
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Craig Ferguson |
7c33081
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If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy.
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Craig Ferguson |
019617a
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Those unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at recovery. Although perhaps I was just running away again. I returned to Glasgow, planning to say a final goodbye to Anne and get out of her life, but ended up drinking with buddies in the Chip Bar and never seeing her. I called her instead to say..
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divorce
goodbye
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Craig Ferguson |
4719736
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America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has ever come up with so far. Not only because we value democracy and the rights of the individual, but because we are always our own most effective voice of descent....We must never mistake disagreement between Americans on political or moral issues to be an indication of their level of patriotism. If you don't like what I say or don't agree with where I stand on certain issues, then..
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inspirational
patriotism
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Craig Ferguson |
eb28b10
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It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.
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illness
pain
god
medical-establishment
doctors
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Craig Ferguson |
fd3c002
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I took the sleeper out of Glasgow, and as the smelly old train bumped out of Central Station and across the Jamaica Street Bridge, I stared out at the orange halogen streetlamps reflected in the black water of the river Clyde. I gazed at the crumbling Victorian buildings that would soon be sandblasted and renovated into yuppie hutches. I watched the revelers and rascals traverse the shiny wet streets. I thought of the thrill and danger of m..
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divorce
reflection
danger
failure
journey
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Craig Ferguson |
2a61a99
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I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.
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feat
visions-hallucinations
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Craig Ferguson |
99e328f
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Time is only linear for engineers and referees.
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time
relativity
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Craig Ferguson |
1084ebc
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For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say "Good morning, sir" or "madam," depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require."
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manners
paris
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Craig Ferguson |
f77840a
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Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.
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money
tv
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Craig Ferguson |
ba210ad
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After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock.
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writing
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Craig Ferguson |
e4b4a34
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I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.
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citizenship
thought
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Craig Ferguson |
1878e66
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Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla-you ain't done till the gorilla's done.
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Craig Ferguson |
607f389
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Craig: 'When I used to drink, I binge drank...and I'm kind of like that with Doctor Who. I save up a lot of it on the DVR and then like I get my big scarf on and my hat and I stay at home and just watch them.'
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humor
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Craig Ferguson |
37b6670
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The truth is that Leon, like a lot of those-maybe everyone-who trips on acid, never really came back. he recovered but he was never the same guy again. He had lost something-innocence of hell. Acid presses a little button in your mind that should never be pressed
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acid-trips
drugs
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Craig Ferguson |
dffd8ba
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The clocks understood, they kept moving, motion, following the truth that change is the nature of God's mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain.
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god
clocks
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Craig Ferguson |