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49479bd
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Time heals all wounds. And if it doesn't, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay.
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Emma Forrest |
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08f4c1b
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When you live with voices in your head, you are drawn inextricably to voices outside your head. Very often the voices work to confirm your worst suspicions. Or think of things you could never have imagined! There are only so many hours of the day to hate yourself.
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self-loathing
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Emma Forrest |
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bc176f9
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I will be forever grateful for your presence in my life. I am a much better human being because of you. The experience of loving you, living with you, was the greatest journey of my life thus far. You showed me an alternative to the man I was becoming. I know I still have much to learn, much to accomplish, and I know my future is bright. I owe you the confidence I now have in myself. This is the confidence that could only come from the know..
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love-letters
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Emma Forrest |
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0793936
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I'm in love with someone good and kind and gentle, and he's seen the darkness too, but somehow we've become each other's light.
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love
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Emma Forrest |
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3716646
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If killing yourself is not an option anymore, you have to sink into the darkness instead, and make something out of it.
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suicide
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Emma Forrest |
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6d17acf
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Are you mine?" Yes. "Are you mine?" Yes. "Are you mine?" No. "No?" No. I loved being yours. But now I'm mine, which is all I ever was, in the end."
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Emma Forrest |
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db171e7
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But I saw the pain and sadness in everything, and swirled it round my mouth like a fine wine.
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pain
sorrow
life
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Emma Forrest |
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2b0e63d
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I never lie -- I am a blatantly truthful person about almost everything. My addiction (or disease as some call it) always lies. I have had very good relationships, but the addict in me always fucked them up. I fall in love quickly, it's a high that rivals drugs for a while. I am monogamous, but I always cheated with depression before the relationship fell apart. Addicts need best friends, healthy people need healthy relationships.
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relationships
depression
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Emma Forrest |
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0a449b5
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You're like Marilyn Monroe,' Ken tells me, which I take as a compliment and say a nervous "Thank You". Interrupting, he adds, 'You're all velvet and Velcro. Men want you because you're sexy and broken and when it gets too rough they can say "Hey! This toy is broken!" and toss you aside without feeling bad."
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Emma Forrest |
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727d25a
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There is a blessing in losing the one we love. It's the blessing of self-transformation. You don't have to who you were anymore. You've struggled. And now you can change. It doesn't mean that bits of that person won't cling to you, they will throughout your life, but they are now subsumed into something greater. That person has given you, in fact, the most important blessing, which is they gave you the blessing of transforming your soul int..
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love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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cec78c9
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It's as if he can no longer acknowledge the love he felt or the pain I am in. I have been dismissed. I don't think I was smarter or as beautiful as the other girls he did this to. It's just that I was me. It was all I had.
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pain
heartbreak
love
love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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6ab4a1b
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I envied women with signature hair-dos, signature perfumes, signature sign-offs. Novelists who tell Vogue Magazine: "I can't live without my Smythson notebook, Pomegranate Noir cologne by Jo Malone and Frette sheets". In the grip of madness, materialism begins to look like an admirable belief system."
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Emma Forrest |
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0b7fe6e
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Is it needy? It's not. We don't need each other. We just really, really enjoy each other. And we're good together. We're good people together. And I have the funniest feeling. I can really, truly touch this all, this happiness and the sadness too, I can trace all of it with my fingers. It isn't theoretical or distant. This feels like me. This is me. I love him, and, for the first time in a relationship, I also like me. Every time he says "I..
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relationships
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Emma Forrest |
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e5c43f1
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I'm not crazy or dangerous, just a bit eccentric and lonely.
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loneliness
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Emma Forrest |
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6c78822
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Of course he freaked me out. Of course it's nothing to do with me. But none of that matters. He loved me and now he doesn't. I was everything to him and now I am nothing.
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love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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61a78f0
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When he kisses me, I cry. I explain it's not because I wish he were someone else, it's because it's such a shock to the system to be desired after feeling so completely abandoned.
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love
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Emma Forrest |
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41dbdc1
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I say, "Well then I don't know if it was real, and that makes me feel like I'm going insane again." "Absolutely it was real. It was a real, partial picture. Because it ended preemptively, things you would have learned about him in the relationship, you are instead learning in the breakup. You have learned that he has a desperate desire for intimacy and then a desperate desire for the cave. He will get lonely there eventually and come bac..
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pain
heartbreakers
love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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3cd9fc1
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It is madness. And if you don't know who you are, or if your real self has drifted away from you with the undertow, madness at least gives you an identity. It's the same with self-loathing. You're probably just normal and normal-looking but that's not a real identity, not the way ugliness is. Normality, just accepting that you're probably normal-looking, lacks the force field of self-disgust. If you don't know who you are, madness gives you..
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life-and-living
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Emma Forrest |
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2e23fa1
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Yes, I have patterns of love addiction. But I'm a woman. Of course I do.
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women
love
love-addiction
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Emma Forrest |
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63c67e2
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In other words, it was a struggle with himself. And the product of that struggle: anger, bitterness, resentment, envy or transformation, aspiration, hope, decency..the product of that struggle is the quality of your life and the nature of your soul.
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life-lessons
the-bible
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Emma Forrest |
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51b386e
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He was addicted to me and now he has gone cold turkey. He used to send me fifty texts a day. And now he is ignoring me. It's like I was once his Barack Obama. And now I am John McCain, conceding defeat like a sad-face sock puppet, knowing I have sold the best of myself. He, my electorate, not only does not want me, he actively feels pity.
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Emma Forrest |
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8f95dbe
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Now that he's gone, I feel like I'm a senior citizen who gave away her life savings over the phone. And this is the crux: I never in my life believed in someone as much as I believed in him. The shame is overwhelming.
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pain
love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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94d67bd
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Well. There is a psychiatric occurrence we see in men-not often women-where they put all their hopes and dreams onto one person, so intensely that at some point it trips a wire in the brain circuitry, and that causes them to go, in a minute, 180 degrees the other way.
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Emma Forrest |
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4d9b379
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You can have this kind of love. You can have it. You just grab it. Of course the problem with having that love is that you can lose it, too.
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Emma Forrest |
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bca338e
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I think that's such a beautiful sentiment. Love should only last as long as a very expensive and impractical bikini that looks stunning, but dissolves in the sea within days. So many pop songs tell of this terrible, tiresome love that they want to last forever. But that just makes me think of long-life milk, acrid and fake. Love should be like a movie trailer. Even if the film's a stinker, you get the best laughs and the biggest explosions ..
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Emma Forrest |
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005b20e
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We intersect. He says he thanks every star that we existed on the same celestial plain. But here we are on earth, dirty, well used, a man-made throughway for intersecting dreams.
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Emma Forrest |
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537177f
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People don't know. We don't know ourselves so we tell ourselves what we really know is other people. We could say the depth of pain we feel for the lovers who've left us is because we knew them so well.
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pain
relationships
life
love
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Emma Forrest |
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417feb7
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I want you to stay. I never want there to be a time when we don't share space.
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romance
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Emma Forrest |
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56e04f2
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It's only a heartache. It isn't a tragedy. A tragedy would be losing the father of my children to cancer. This I wrestle with the hardest. There are thirty-one flavors of pain, like Baskin Robbins in hell. Am I allowed to feel pain at a breakup? When there is so much other shit going on in this world? Love is extremely serious. I don't think this is trivial.
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pain
love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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98b397a
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What people don't understand when you've already been a suicide and pulled through is that after the sadness comes fear: Where is my mind going with this? I don't want to die. I do not want to die. When you don't have so much control over your own thoughts, over the myriad voices in your head, you don't know where they could go.
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suicide
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Emma Forrest |
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c369dd5
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I still believe that you truly find yourself not in travel, but in other human souls.
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love
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Emma Forrest |
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628af7d
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No one ever loved you like him. And no one ever took it away so completely. But it's here. Look around.
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heartbreak
love
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Emma Forrest |
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57f364c
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I wanted to know how ugly I could get, how ruined and ugly and spoiled, before they stopped trying to fuck me. I didn't think they'd ever notice. Nobody had so far. Because I was still in the shape of a beautiful girl. Although I behaved like an ugly one.
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Emma Forrest |
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2e1ac69
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My radar, after all these years of sanity, is still off when it comes to what people do or don't mean.
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Emma Forrest |
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a7aca7f
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This boy has negative charisma. He walks into a room and the oxygen starts to evaporate. I guess that's why girls sleep with him. They find his awfulness transfixing. He's like a lousy 1970's disaster movie that they can't bring themselves to turn off, even though it is making their life worse every minute they leave it on.
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Emma Forrest |
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abd668a
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It's like he has emotional amnesia... I think you have to accept that the person you knew isn't there at the moment. I was witness to how much he loved you. I have the photos. This isn't the person we knew. I don't recognize this person. He's shed his skin." Her heart is broken too. She has to say the thing that will give me back my life. She draws on every reserve. I see how much it hurts her and it hurts me too. I came from her joy and he..
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pain
love-loss
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Emma Forrest |
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e64074a
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You want to know, but are afraid to ask, whether or not I found someone. If there could be anyone to fill that hole in my heart after I lost him. I did. "Life is futile," says my new therapist, Michaela, "and no one gets out of it alive. There is only love." --
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love
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Emma Forrest |
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b80f51d
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I finally accept that not only do I not understand the death of my relationship, but I do not need to. These men were good and kind to me, they loved me and I loved them back and the shock at the finish holds no wisdom. The revelation is not that I lost them, but that I had them.
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love
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Emma Forrest |
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172645c
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Men and the pursuit of them are strongly intertwined with my mental health. I would say, in my defensive defense, that the problem with being a serial monogamist is, there isn't anybody random or unimportant: everybody you sleep with really means something, which is to say each of them is on your public record. At some point I wake up thinking, Fuck this! I don't want another man in my bed ever again. What I really want is a cat.
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sex
men
humor
love
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Emma Forrest |
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026a5b2
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When I come to the end of my life -- when I come to the real end, at the right time, my mind may flash with random images... But I am not being hopeful about this when I say my last thoughts will be of love.
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life
love
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Emma Forrest |
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5e6fdf0
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The sadness -- the general sadness that squats and pees inside my brain -- isn't over. It never will be. I know how best to chase it away, though. It usually works. Sometimes it doesn't. But I pray and say, fuck it, then. I choose this. It chooses me. I choose it back.
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Emma Forrest |
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e52d26f
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He says he thanks every star the we existed on the same clestial plain. But here we are on earth, dirty, well used, a man made throughaway for intersecting dreams.
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Emma Forrest |
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7f89d46
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Bad people very often do one good thing.
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people
life
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Emma Forrest |
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1cd57a0
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And then, with the feather-green darkness pressed against the windows, he puts his filthy fingers on my scrubbed hope face and says, "If I kiss you, it's all over." And then he does. And then it is."
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sex
romance
love
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Emma Forrest |