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fab54e9
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Try to avoid getting involved with somebody who's gonna need killing before it's over. It may seem to you that that narrows the field somewhat, but be diligent.
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murder
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Jill Conner Browne |
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59b5837
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If there exists in this universe anything more infuriating and crazy-making than a man, I don't know what it is, thank you, and I don't want to know.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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244adad
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Cheap jewelry, however, is worse than no jewelry at all, and there are very few things in life than are worse than no jewelry at all.
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women
jewelry
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Jill Conner Browne |
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f244143
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Always wear pretty underwear, on account of you just never know.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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4a44478
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If some area of your life sucks - do something else. Life is too short - and too long - to spend it being miserable. Life may indeed be short but it is for a fact wide. It is high time we started settling for more.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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165a181
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But, if you've decided to go out on a limb and kill one, for goodness' sake, be prepared. We all read, with dismay, the sad story of a good woman wronged in south Mississippi who took that option and made a complete mess of the entire thing. See, first she shot him. Well, she saw right off the bat that that was a mistake because then she had this enormous dead body to deal with. He was every bit as much trouble to her dead as he ever had be..
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murder
preparation
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Jill Conner Browne |
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1487a7d
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Stay fit and live long and prosper, but write your own obituary now, while you can, just in case.
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mississippi
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Jill Conner Browne |
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203201b
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If you are stuck sweating on a sandbar in the river of your life you've got to find a way back into those swift effervescent currents of joy that are your birthright.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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5aad550
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My sister, Judy, has always said that she would like to lie in state, propped up in her coffin with her eyes blared wide open, face fixed in a big grin, and have a taped greeting for all her mourners. Something real upbeat and, well, live-sounding, like: 'He-e-e-ey!Cuteshoestellyomamahi!
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humor
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Jill Conner Browne |
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5891b51
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I believe that the ability to laugh at oneself is fundamental to the resiliency of the human spirit.
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laughter
laugh-at-yourself
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Jill Conner Browne |
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2335e28
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It's vitally important that you buy your own crown and declare yourself Queen, and then spend the rest of your life living into that.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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21081ea
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The lesson of the Funk Dog: "You can forget what it used to feel like to feel good about life; feeling rotten--or just a low-grad funk--seems normal and therefore acceptable. I just don't believe that God intended for any of his creatures to be petted with sticks."
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life
funk
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Jill Conner Browne |
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d9e64c8
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Be particular. That is, without a doubt, the Best Advice Ever Given in the History of the Entire World. Consider, if you will, the profound effect that following that advice would have on, say, your diet, your love life, your financial situation, your decision on whether to have that next drink. I mean, what do those two words not cover?
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Jill Conner Browne |
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3b51923
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Rich old people are more attractive than poor old people, so by all means, try to get rich before age sets in. Otherwise, you'll just be playing catch-up for the rest of your life and that will just wear you out, let me tell you.
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financial-planning
senior-citizen
humerous-quotes
sweet-potato-queens
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Jill Conner Browne |
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d8d6887
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Suzanne Sugarbaker of Designing Women was so right when she said, "There's just nothing better in life than to ride around on the back of a convertible with a crown on your head." Words to live by."
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Jill Conner Browne |
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86d64cc
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Pre-forty, you can wash your face with Tide and use Vaseline for moisturizer, toss on a little mascara and lip gloss, and you're a friggin' cover girl. Those of us on the slippery slope that is the Other Side of Forty can testify-- those days are so over. You pore over labels promising everything short of actual rebirth-- you will buy most of them for an average of $450 per quarter once-- and none of them will work. You will still be gettin..
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cost-of-aging
women-over-40
sweet-potato-queens
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Jill Conner Browne |
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c20fcf2
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there is a difference between "denial" and "delusion." The difference is that denial is a fun game and delusion is pitiable and requires meds that you will be too delusional to enjoy." --
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Jill Conner Browne |
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ce3110e
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They know they're supposed to do something, but they're not sure what. And you know what they do when they're not sure-- of course you do: They either do the wrong thing or they do nothing, and it's a toss up as to which is worse.
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men-being-unromantic
sweet-potato-queens
valentines-day
men-and-women
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Jill Conner Browne |
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1d96c94
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Queen of the Night Salsa 2.0 This is a jazzed-up version of an earlier recipe from our Precious Darlin' George. He is ever seeking new and more delicious ways to please us and we adore him for this and other reasons. MIX ALL THIS stuff together--1 15-ounce can drained and rinsed black beans, 1 11-ounce can Niblets corn, 1 small can chopped green chilis, 1 small can chopped black olives, 2 to 3 chopped fresh tomatoes, at least 8 ounces shr..
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Jill Conner Browne |
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79f399d
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Michael's Magical Sweet Potato Muffins WHISK TOGETHER 1 cup dark brown sugar, 1/2 cup oil, 1 running-over teaspoon vanilla, and 2 eggs. Then, in another bowl, mix together 2 cups all-purpose flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 teaspoon nutmeg, 1/2 teaspoon allspice, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. To that, add 2 big giant sweet potatoes--either baked or boiled--and mashed. I suppose you COULD use canned ones, but it kinda makes ..
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Jill Conner Browne |
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0c5e5db
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Life. It's your birthday present. Open it up and play with it. Act like you like it. (The One who gave it to you is watching, after all. Don't wanna hurt His feelings.) And if you don't like your life, CHANGE IT. It is all yours.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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88ebe76
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Daddy always pointed out, it should come as no surprises to anyone that merchants want to move their wares-it's sorta what they do, after all. But that's just BUSINESS and that has nothing to do with CHRISTMAS.
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commercialism
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Jill Conner Browne |
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639a650
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FINANCIAL TIP For guys-- buying the stupid flowers when you're supposed to will be way cheaper than what you'll have to buy and do to make up for it if you forget.
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buying-flowers
financial-tips
sweet-potato-queens
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Jill Conner Browne |
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81a640f
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So, whoever you are out there who's convinced all these guys to commit this hair-trocity--why not push it a little further and get 'em to go all-out-Ed-Grimley and start wearing their pants up under their armpits and all? Come to think of it--that WOULD eliminate the proliferation of butt cracks we've been forced to view the last few years, revealed by the enduring but baffling "fad" of wearing your pants in such a way as to offer ease to a..
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Jill Conner Browne |
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bb8983c
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sure, I've heard the weight-loss gurus spouting their "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" mantra, and as I've said before--BULLSHIT. The times in my life when I have been thin, I enjoyed it well enough, but trust me, PLENTY of stuff tastes WAY better than being thin feels. For that matter, come to think of it, FEELING FULL FEELS better than being thin does."
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Jill Conner Browne |
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12d4a0c
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in certain regions of Italy, women of ill-repute or evil looks are forbidden to enter cheese factories.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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e643901
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Familiarity, not survival, is the strongest drive in human beings.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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eaeaf7c
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I am surprised that Chicago--the Big-Shouldered City--is so trifling that they won't let you eat in a restaurant if it's on fire. Even if you already paid.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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d494963
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In trying times, such as the ones we currently find ourselves mired in the middle of, one wants a distraction from one's troubles, and I find it most helpful to plan and engage in a pleasant outing or two with close and like-minded friends. Or you could go gator huntin'.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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d5952ee
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Likewise, she will know that if I start watching reality TV, quoting Dr. Phil, riding roller coasters, and seem to have forsaken bacon in favor of anything soy--it's time to Get the Pillow. That's what--well, I can't tell you who but she's a nurse--says they all say when they've got a particularly cantankerous patient on their wing.
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Jill Conner Browne |
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08c3726
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We read in the paper about a fifty-five-year-old woman-you read right, that's fifty five- who had quadruplets! Since the pregnancy was in vitro, it was clearly on purpose. I've got to tell you, we were all pretty happy that we hadn't done this and also none of us had ever considered it. Nor had we considered pulling out all our teeth with pliers or slamming our fingers in the car door repeatedly just to see what it feels like.
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humerous-quotes
in-vitro
sweet-potato-queens
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Jill Conner Browne |