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494eb34
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Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people.. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple." --
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men-and-women
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Tucker Max |
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372f853
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the devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for ...
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the-devil
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Tucker Max |
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500b1a4
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No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.
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living
judging
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Tucker Max |
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9665de3
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I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.
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Tucker Max |
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7303d93
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8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT!JUST ORDER!"
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insult
mcdonalds
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Tucker Max |
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7b2ef98
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Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.
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Tucker Max |
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002b4ac
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If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.
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judging
shame
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Tucker Max |
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a66432a
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You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
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Tucker Max |
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a063ea0
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I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist. (Quoting feedback from a reader)
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Tucker Max |
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5c2804a
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She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn't very good with my dick in her mouth.
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Tucker Max |
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720585b
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I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?
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Tucker Max |
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f7761d8
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WAKE UP! WE'RE LATE FOR DRINKING!!
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Tucker Max |
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3d892c9
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I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They're not. I'm going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.
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Tucker Max |
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06bef00
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Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question."
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Tucker Max |
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bbcd90a
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My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?"
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Tucker Max |
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4416fb0
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There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.
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Tucker Max |
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d50372e
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This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don't suffer fools well.
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Tucker Max |
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454455e
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Look, I know everything is shitty right now, but if you don't stop acting like such a bitch, someones gonna fuck that pussy on your face.
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Tucker Max |
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d6f92bc
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I've heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a "professor"
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Tucker Max |
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2fa89db
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Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.
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Tucker Max |
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dae0340
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The rules your parents teach you to live by are very different than the rules the world actually runs by. Most of the conventional wisdom is not only wrong, it's a lie told to us by people who want to control us. It doesn't help us, it helps them. Pretty much everything we're told as children (and adults, really) by the established power structures in our lives are made up fairytales us to reinforce that control: Santa Claus, the Easter Bun..
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Tucker Max |
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d7f4cf6
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I hadn't realized how supremely shit-housed I was until we stumbled into our room at the Embassy Suites. You ever been so drunk you forgot that you have to shit until the last minute? Well I was at that stage. I nearly had my pants completely off when SlingBlade snaked past me and got into the toilet first. Fine, I go get out of my bar clothes and change into a t-shirt and pink Gap boxers to sleep in. I wait patiently for about three minute..
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Tucker Max |
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d0f24dd
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I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.
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Tucker Max |
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38d418a
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Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want
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Tucker Max |
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2a996b6
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If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.
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god
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Tucker Max |
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8ca86a4
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FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.
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inspirational
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Tucker Max |
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3a68334
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One of us needs to get laid." "Just one of us?" "What are the odds of both of us getting laid?"
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Tucker Max |
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93ecbca
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Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk" SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it."
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Tucker Max |
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5ada1bf
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See, what you're talking about is why hanging out with ME would be fun for YOU. It doesn't explain anything about why it'd be fun for ME. You don't bring banter. You aren't witty. You aren't funny. There is nothing to pick from your brain. You're looking for me to entertain you. A relationship is an exchange, not a one-way street. Look beyond your own personal desires for a second and understand what you bring to the exchange- nothing.
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pa
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Tucker Max |
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4dfab52
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I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.
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Tucker Max |
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2d3f787
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Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
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Tucker Max |
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ef3a5b4
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5:16 I shotgun two beers, piss out the bedroom window, catcall passing girls, burp violently, put cage fighting on tv, play with myself. I feel manly again.
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Tucker Max |
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b55310e
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His first question shows how well he knows me: TheRoommate: "Did you take any money out of her purse?"
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Tucker Max |
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ba84b86
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You ever met one of those guys who, in a totally calm and composed way, can scare the shit out of you? Like an MMA fighter, or the fat Kardashian sister who married Lamar Odom?
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Tucker Max |
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6e9c052
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I wish I could bottle the seductive look she gave me so I could sniff it when I jack off.
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Tucker Max |
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11b1f0e
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You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.
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Tucker Max |
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67a0429
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Mexico is a lawless place. I don't care what the UN says, or what the State Department travel advisories tell you. The fact is that Mexico, as a whole, is a narco-state run by powerful regional cartels, with a hollow and largely irrelevant central government that is nothing more than window-dressing to appease the international community. Freedom is for those who can afford it, law is for sale, and what is fair is determined by who is most ..
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Tucker Max |
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9ce4faf
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FUCK. This is not good. I'm allergic to whiskey. I think maybe I should explain this to her, and request a different alcohol. Then I remember that I am awesome. Even fighting through anaphylactic shock, I can STILL bury this emotionally unstable, bulimic undergrad.
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Tucker Max |
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34ba9bf
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Here's to the women we've met, and to the women we've fucked, And to those amongst us who've had no such luck. Here's to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup, Here's to pokin' her in the ass, so she won't get knocked up. Here's to all of you, and here's to me, Together as friends we'll always be, But if we should ever disagree, Then FUCK ALL OF YOU, HERE'S TO ME!
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Tucker Max |
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01027be
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While at the University of Chicago a couple of friends and I went to dinner at some restaurant in China Town night. Oblivious to the fact that my idiocy can be heard outside of a five-foot radius, I started in with the "You been here four hour. You go now," routine. Ha ha, we all laugh because infantile racism is funny. A little while later I walked back to the bathroom, and as I went down the hall to the "Male Room," I passed this rickety ..
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Tucker Max |
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36fe779
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credit, youre jewish, your best friend is black, and your girlfriend is a cheating whore. Even if I wore gay, I'd still have it better than you.
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Tucker Max |
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fb4f889
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I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.
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Tucker Max |
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a12b4b9
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The first step off this downward spiral is to acknowledge these bad feelings as natural. When women feel this way, our society has sympathy, and Oprah gives them cars. But when men feel this way, our society demonizes these feelings as signs of weakness, amplifying the shame and self-judgment, repeating the macho advice to "suck it up" and "get over it." This bullshit makes the problem worse. It's impossible to pull yourself out of depressi..
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Tucker Max |
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80d826f
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The poet John Ciardi pointed out, "Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at women and persuade themselves they have a better idea."
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Tucker Max |