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0efd909
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"[...]I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm all "Oh, please excuse me, kind sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way." -The Chronicles of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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3ca178a
|
Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive tongue kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon toast of his soul, but then I slapped him, so he didn't think I was a slut. (Shut up, he had wood.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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0b1fd15
|
"Pervy redundant, don't you think?" I asked the big gay cop, who wouldn't know a va-jay-jay if it bounced up to him and sang the "Star-Spangled Banner." (You ever notice that hardly anything besides the "Star-Spangled Banner" is spangled? There's no, like, the Raisin-Spangled Scone, or the Flea-Spangled Beagle. I'm just saying.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
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Christopher Moore |
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b15ea8f
|
"She had a lot of nerve signing her note "Love." [...] But she sign it that way: "Love." What did that mean? Did she mean it, or was it habit? She probably signed all of her letters with "Love." Maybe not."
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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d5e3d9f
|
"Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff. --Being the Journal of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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4db4dc1
|
Hope is bulletproof, truth just hard to hit
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christopher-moore
hope
truth
|
Christopher Moore |
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c535cea
|
"Tommy moved on. "Lash, your people have been oppressed for hundreds of years. It's time to strike back. Look, you don't have your MBA yet - they haven't completely juiced you of your usefulness yet. Would Martin Luther King back down from this challenge? Malcolm X? James Brown? Don't you have a dream? Don't you feel good, like you knew that you would, now?"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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e33fd98
|
"So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, "Oh chill, it's a stress thing, everyone does it. I'm flicking the bean under the table right now just to dial the tension back a little. Yes. Yes. Yes! Oh-zombie-jeebus-fuck-me-Simba-lion-king-hakuna-matata! Yes!" --The Chronicles of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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ee4420d
|
[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers.
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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9ad15b6
|
"Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene. Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. "Do you think they mind?" The officer shook his head. "No, sir." Cavuto blew a stream of smoke at Gilbert [a dead guy]. "And him, do you think he minds?" No, sir." And you, Patrolman Jeeter, you don't mind, do you?" Jeeter cleared his throat. "Uh...no, sir." Well, good," Cavuto said. "Look, on the side of the car, Jeeter. It says 'Protect and Serve' not 'Piss and Moan.'" Yes, sir."
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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0b2f305
|
"She have to go pick up prescription, so I watch Sophie for short time. And tiny bears are happy when I go in bathroom." "Hamsters, Mrs. Korjev, not bears." .... "I've got her now," Charlie said. "One of you stay with her while I get rid of the H-A-M-S-T-E-R-S." "He mean the tiny bears."
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christopher-moore
hamsters
tiny-bears
|
Christopher Moore |
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a84334d
|
My children are monsters, Kiro thought. And I am responsible. Perhaps if I had read them the haikus of Basho when they were little instead of that American manifesto of high-pressure sales, Green Eggs and Ham...
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basho
capitalism
christopher-moore
green-eggs-and-ham
haiku
|
Christopher Moore |
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abe1dfc
|
"[Abby to Tommy and Jody who are hugging] So I'm like, "Cold-faced killers on the clock, bitches, we don't have time for your bonery right now." --The Chronicles of Abby Normal"
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
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f2fb309
|
"My name," said Mr. Fresh. "Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up. "I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's Minty."
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christopher-moore
humor
minty-fresh
|
Christopher Moore |
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32a85b8
|
Si crees que todo el mundo esta bien de la azotea es que no conoces a la gente que te rodea. La clave, y esto es muy relevante en nuestro caso, es encontrar a alguien cuya locura encaje con la tuya.
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christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |