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I write all this with respect for the possibility that rather than some kind of contact with the consciousness of my donor's heart, these are merely hallucinations from the medications or my own projections. I know this is a very slippery slope.... What came to me in the first contact....was the horror of dying. The utter suddenness, shock, and surprise of it all....The feeling of being ripped off and the dread of dying before your time....This and two other incidents are by far the most terrifying experiences I have ever had.... What came to me on the second occasion was my donor's experience of having his heart being cut out of his chest and transplanted. There was a profound sense of violation by a mysterious, omnipotent outside force.... ...The third episode was quite different than the previous two. This time the consciousness of my donor's heart was in the present tense....He was struggling to figure out where he was, even what he was....It was as if none of your senses worked....An extremely frightening awareness of total dislocation....As if you are reaching with your hands to grasp something...but every time you reach forward your fingers end up only clutching thin air.
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life
organ-transplants
soul
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Mary Roach |