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Do you ever sit back and wonder how and why other people are so successful, productive, or accomplished? What is the driver that inspires them to go for the gold, seize opportunities, and make things happen?
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"Be the "Liker" "If you want to be liked, BE THE LIKER!" This was some of the best advice my enlightened mother ever gave me. Throughout my childhood, teen years, and adulthood, this golden nugget of simple wisdom empowered me to take personal responsibility for developing friendships. When you want to reach out, make new friends, and increase your likeability factor, step up and "like" others first. They will usually mirror your initiative and like you back."
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Your tone of voice can be conveyed in both the words you speak and in the words you write.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Being "appropriate" means being suitable, fitting, relevant, or proper in a situation. What may be appropriate in one circumstance can be terribly inappropriate in another. How does one discern? Sometimes it is simply a matter of maturity and experience."
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"Being Nice Has Its Limitations. While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a "bitch" has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people."
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"As Americans, we typically move full steam ahead without much regard to mindfulness or thoughtful reflection, often to one's own detriment. Yet it is that same propensity for bold action which makes fulfilling the "American Dream" possible--where an immigrant can come to our country with nothing and achieve extraordinary things." --
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UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener * Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do. * Allowing your emotional reactions to take over. * Interrupting the person talking. * Replying before you hear all the facts. * Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. * Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next. * Getting defensive or being over-eager. * One-upmanship--feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share. * Imposing an unsolicited opinion. * Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.
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Susan C. Young |
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Active listening is key to all healthy and effective communication, however, it doesn't necessarily come easily.
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Susan C. Young |
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If you like the relationship results you have been getting and don't see any need for improvement, your status quo may actually be your sweet spot for comfort and contentment. That is a wonderful place to be. However, if you are like most of us, staying stuck in your status quo may prevent you from striving, thriving, and growing in your relationship possibilities.
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"Take the initiative with deliberate steps to be a polite person: 1. Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze. 2. Reciprocate a thoughtful word or a good deed in kind. 3. Say "excuse me" when you bump into someone, unintentionally violate someone's space, or need to get someone's attention. 4. Apologize when you've made a mistake or are in the wrong. 5. Live by the "Golden Rule" and treat others the way you would like to be treated. 6. When dining at home or in a restaurant, wait until everyone is served before eating your meal. 7. Acknowledge notable events like birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries. 8. Reply to invitations, regardless of whether you will be able to attend. 9. Acknowledge and show gratitude for gifts and gestures of hospitality. 10. Put things back where they belong. Leave the world a better place than how you found it."
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Susan C. Young |
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Your first words will outlive your conversations and impact how you are remembered, liked, or regarded. Wouldn't you enjoy opening conversations with ease and mutual recognition? The challenging part is that it can be . . . awkward!
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Susan C. Young |
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"You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening. These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . . 1. The Sensual Plane: You're aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it. 2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel. 3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form."
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Susan C. Young |
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Polish the Gold. Be an optimist; look for the best in others, the best in situations, and focus on what is working rather than what is not. It's golden!
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Susan C. Young |
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Think about the people in your life with whom you have the most engaging dialogue--the ones who will listen to you and consider your opinions regardless of the topic. They'll stop whatever they are doing to give you their full attention. They become completely present and hear you.
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Heed Your Speed. Are you a fast or a slow talker? Be mindful towards the person with whom you are speaking to ensure that your message is being comprehended, understood, and absorbed. If they are listening at a slower rate than you are speaking, disconnect can occur.
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Susan C. Young |
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What is the motive behind your services? If it is self-centered, self-serving, and lacking consideration for others, then earning people's trust, rapport, and business will inevitably be more of a struggle. A self-serving agenda throws up red flags which stop relationships dead in their tracks. It can destroy trust, make people wary of your intentions, and push customers to your competition.
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susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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To cultivate bravery and courage, borrow courage. There is inspiration all around you in the form of people who are living your dreams, achieving similar goals, and already succeeding. Knowing that something can be done is often half the battle. Most successful people find great reward in helping others reach for goals.
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Your first words will not only shape your first impression, they can create amazing connections, lead you to your dream job, or help you discover a new best friend--or accomplish exactly the opposite.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Ignoring his advice, I got up, walked over, gently rested my hands on two of their shoulders and said, "Ladies, I have to tell you how much you have impressed me. I just moved to Madison from Florida and left behind all my girlfriends. I have been sitting over there admiring your friendships. You remind me so much of my girlfriends back home and I had to come over and speak with you." And without missing a beat, I next asked, "Can I be your friend?" They were so impressed by my sincere request, they kindly opened their circle and invited me in."
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Susan C. Young |
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If you have ever experienced this type of unprofessional treatment, I doubt you would even consider giving them business in the future. Interrupting, ignoring, patronizing, or antagonizing a customer is like pouring gas on a fire and creates a more explosive situation than the original complaint. Still, it continues to happen every day, costing companies millions in lost revenue.
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"Rather than being green with envy, realize that a dramatic difference between the "haves" and "have-nots" is the "do" and "do-nots." If you are seeking positive change and transformation, what can you begin to do?" --
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Susan C. Young |
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Take the initiative to introduce yourself. One morning I was sitting on a bike in a spinning class at my gym. There was a lady whom I did not know sitting on the bike next to me. As we waited for the instructor, I decided to break the silence and start a conversation. I took the initiative to introduce myself and within a few short minutes, I knew her children's names, how long she had lived in Madison, which exercise classes she preferred, and where they went for Christmas. When the class was over, I confirmed that I remembered her name correctly, reminded her of mine and shared that it was a true pleasure meeting her. A simple introduction turned a stranger into a fresh and delightful new acquaintance.
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initiative
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service-beyond-self
susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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b6b0985
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It is generally believed that nearly 40 percent of your first impression will be set from the tone of your voice. Your vocal thermometer can be more impactful than the actual words you use.
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Susan C. Young |
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ASK YOURSELF: Are you presenting yourself in the best of all lights, online and off, and demonstrating the dignity of good manners? Make sure of it! If not, it may come back to haunt you.
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Susan C. Young |
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And as is often the case, the people who would benefit the most from reading a book like this are the ones least likely to buy and read it. For you, however, this chapter will serve as a sterling reminder to make your manners shine.
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Susan C. Young |
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In his book, Networking is a Contact Sport, Joe Sweeney advises that when you attend networking events, act as if it is your party and you are the host or hostess. By doing this, you will help others be at ease and demonstrate a heart of service and generosity.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Hostess with the Mostest "Think of a time when you have had a party in your home or had friends over for dinner. Didn't you want to make sure they were nurtured, cared for, and well-taken care of? Didn't you want your guests to interact with each other and enjoy the experience so they would remember it fondly?"
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Susan C. Young |
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"Mingle * Be the connector--introduce people to each other who may not otherwise connect. * Be a conversation fire starter; point out what people have in common as you are introducing them. * Seek out the folks who may appear to be shy, or awkward, or wallflowers. Find ways to build trust and comfort. Engage them with a kind word to pull them out of their shell. * Arrive early and stay late; connect with people before and after your event. * Stretch beyond your comfort zone to speak with, sit with, and start conversations with people whom you do not know. * Offer to refill someone's drink or clear their plate. * Encourage introductions: "There is someone whom I would love for you to meet . . ."
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Susan C. Young |
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By your practice of active listening, everyone involved benefits because you . . . * are more engaged and engaging; * demonstrate that you are interested in others and what they have to say; * make others feel important, respected, understood, and appreciated; * improve your memory and retention; * affirm to others that you are an authentic, caring, and compassionate person; make a great first and last impression
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Susan C. Young |
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Becoming an empathetic listener helps you to better understand how another person feels and why they communicate as they do.
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Susan C. Young |
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When your speaking style is clear, confident, and concise, your listeners will perceive you as such.
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Susan C. Young |
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How do you know when to advance the conversation or when there's something still unresolved? When you are situationally aware, you watch the body language and notice the cues that are given to you. Listening and observing are being mindful in the best sense of the word.
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Susan C. Young |
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It is unimpressive to speaking rudely to others. Often, all we need to do to ensure that we do not launch into a rude remark is to pause . . . breathe . . . and smile to ourselves before speaking. And when people are rude to you, just remember that they are revealing who they are, not who you are. Don't take it personally. Sometimes being silent is your best response.
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Susan C. Young |
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Since we are all unique and individual, being cognizant of different personality styles will help you better recognize where others are coming from to minimize barriers, build trust, and catapult your newfound communication skills into meaningful connections. The savvy socializer knows this all.
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Susan C. Young |
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Mindfulness is a quiet strength and deeply rooted value which many other cultures understand and often practice better than we do. It can be puzzling to people from other countries as to why Americans are so task-driven and action-oriented.
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Susan C. Young |
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Every professional voice coach worth their salt will bring you back to the importance of tone, pace, and pitch. While these concepts were introduced earlier in The Art of Body Language section, we can now elaborate and take a deeper dive into how you can use your voice to improve your communications.
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Active listening requires being fully present and engaged in the moment.
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Align your voice value with the tone, pace, and pitch of your listeners will help you connect on all levels.
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Susan C. Young |
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11 Ways to Be More Engaged 1. Care about others. 2. Be 100 percent in the moment. 3. Keep focus on the person you are serving. 4. Try to get involved, engaged, and interactive. 5. Show interest in what matters to other people by listening, acknowledging, and responding. 6. Arrive in the moment anticipating creating a valuable interaction for yourself and others. 7. Move towards the things that inspire you and provide a sense of joy and connection. 8. Reconnect with the essence of yourself and be grounded in that essential relationship. 9. Maintain eye contact and deliver the non-verbal cues that you are fully with the other person. 10. Limit distractions-- close the door, silence your phone, hold calls, put tasks aside, etc. 11. Show up to the moment being your best and giving your best.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Have you ever had a legitimate complaint as a customer which made you angry, upset, or frustrated? How was it "handled?" If you were dealing with an inept, uncaring, or untrained employee, they may have made matters even worse by being rude, defensive, or apathetic. Simple acknowledgment and validation of your complaint is sometimes all that is needed. Without it, you're left frustrated or upset."
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Susan C. Young |
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Fear is the number one reason why people do not take action. The divine irony is that most of the fears we experience are self-generated and born out of our own imaginings, hence the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real.
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conquer-fear
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Susan C. Young |
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Now let's look at the flip side. When a diligent and caring person receives your complaint, they have the power to turn a challenge into a triumph. Through active listening, they demonstrate that your satisfaction is their top priority. They not only seek to solve your problem, but they are dedicated to re-earning your trust, your respect, and keeping your business.
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When a person is focused completely on self it is nearly impossible to be mindful of others at the same time. That is a contradiction for healthy communication, networking, and relationship building.
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Susan C. Young |
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Is your voice value delivering the image you wish to convey? Is your voice coming across as smart, friendly, and positive or ignorant, rude, and negative?
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Susan C. Young |
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To cultivate bravery and courage, build upon your strengths and talents. What are you good at? What makes you feel confident and personally powerful? Your competencies will ground you and build your strength.
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Susan C. Young |
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On a recent business trip, I reunited with a friend I had not seen in twenty years. After having a lovely lunch meeting, we came out of the restaurant to walk towards the parking lot. He automatically moved me to the inside of the sidewalk as he walked along the curbside. His orientational awareness illustrated a chivalrous gesture of protection and respect which impressed me greatly.
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Susan C. Young |
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . take the time to mine the gold. Actively seek the goodness in others then express your gratitude for it. Excavate the dirt, seek the treasure, and polish their gold to shine boldly and brightly. People will rise to your positive expectations and belief in them.
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Flip your positivity switch: What is your first instinct? If you are quick to find fault, look for the negative, or complain about another person, knock it off! It makes you less fun to be around. When you feel those negative thoughts and judgments coming in, catch yourself and STOP!
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Susan C. Young |
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Decide today to take a stand, make a plan, and get. No one ever said it was going to be easy and wouldn't require effort. It will sometimes require that you go against the grain, face great challenge, conquer fear, overcome obstacles, and bounce back when knocked down. Choose to keep moving and don't give up. And if your ship still doesn't come in--swim out to it!
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Susan C. Young |
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To cultivate bravery and courage, ground yourself in your character values: Building a solid foundation of integrity and character will fortify your confidence to face down fears and take bold action.
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It is unimpressive to not hold a door open for the next person coming through. After a satisfying workout at my gym, I was walking behind a man who was exiting at the same time. He was only about two feet in front of me. As he walked through the door, he let it close behind him, almost hitting me in the face. Was he being intentionally rude? Was he preoccupied and focused on other things? No matter whether an offender is being a jerk intentionally, or is simply oblivious to how his behavior is affecting others, rude behavior instantly makes a negative impression. Be aware!
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Susan C. Young |
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"Stepping out and stepping up can be an intimidating experience, especially in social situations where the outcomes are unpredictable and uncertain. Have you ever been reluctant to . . . * Say "no?" * Request help? * Ask for a raise? * Stand up to a bully? * Talk about tough topics? * Confront a friend or spouse? * Speak up and share your opinion? * Begin a conversation with a stranger? * Deliver a presentation or speak in public? * Talk about the "white elephant" in the room? * Befriend people who are much different than you? * Make sales calls because you don't want to be rejected? * Approach a new group of people at a networking event? * Go to an event by yourself where you did not know anyone? Each of these scenarios can strike fear in the hearts of many because each involves risk and potential discomfort. Life holds endless circumstances with a broad and diverse range of challenge or conflict that require you to be brave." --
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As a lifetime optimist, my first tendency has always been to look for the best in others, the best in situations, and focus on what is working rather than what is not. Noticing the good has helped me immensely in life and business and it can do the same for you.
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susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Focus on the Positives: Focusing on the positives will get you further in business and further in life. Whatever you focus on will expand. If you focus on what you do not like about another person, they will become so intolerable to you that you cannot bear to be around them. However, if you focus on their positives and can find something redeeming, regardless of how small, the positivity needed to experience a more constructive interaction and relationship will manifest before your eyes.
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Susan C. Young |
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Have you ever had a friend in need whose only request was the gift of your presence? When major life changes happen or tragedies hit, you can find out very quickly who your real friends are because they are the ones who SHOW UP.
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Susan C. Young |
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Brag about their accomplishments in front of others: For years, I have shared that the definition of a good friend is someone who says nice things about you behind your back. And the definition of a GREAT friend is someone who says GREAT things to others in front of you. One of the kindest things a husband or wife can do for their relationships is to brag about their partner's qualities to other people.
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Susan C. Young |
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Sometimes you must earn the right to be included. Otherwise, you may appear awkward or pushy.
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Susan C. Young |
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10 Conversation Bridge Builders 1. Simply say hello with a smile. 2. Ask them what they love about their work. 3. Ask natural questions out of genuine curiosity. 4. Get a person talking about what's important to them. 5. Compliment something positive which you've noticed. 6. Engage them with questions which are easy to answer. 7. Introduce them to someone whom you think they'll enjoy meeting. 8. Ask them if they have any trips or vacations planned. 9. Look for something you may have in common so that the conversation begins with shared interests. 10. Think of questions that begin with how, what, when, why and where.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Whoever came up with the idea that "nice guys finish last" must have been either very jaded or downright malicious. Why would a caring, emotionally healthy human being ever think that being "un-nice" is a virtue? Anyone who wants to get ahead in life and have quality outcomes needs to understand that kindness is a strength. You will move forward faster by making friends rather than foes."
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susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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To cultivate bravery and courage, interview brave people and learn their secrets. Whom do you know that displays courage and confidence? Ask them for their best practices, mimic their actions, follow their steps, utilize their methods. Ask if they will mentor you.
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Susan C. Young |
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Glow What can you do and how can you be in order to bring out the best in others and truly help them shine? * Be complimentary; say something nice. * Be a great listener and make them feel like you are hanging on every word. * Create enthusiasm and anticipation for the person they are getting ready to meet. * Act as you have personally invited them to the party and help ensure they have a wonderful time. * Give people an experience, not just a conversation
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Susan C. Young |
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"While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a "bitch" has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people."
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Susan C. Young |
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Polite people tend to be more respected, admired, and appreciated than their rude counterparts.
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Susan C. Young |
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Conversation starters. Icebreakers. Openers. However you choose to label them, that moment when the first words come out of your mouth can make or break the outcome of your entire conversation. Been there, done that, right?
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susanspeaks-com
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Susan C. Young |
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"Employee Engagement "Employee Engagement" has become a very hot topic in recent years. The escalating statistics for disengagement are alarming. In 2015, the Gallup Polls' "The State of the American Workforce" survey found that only 32.5 percent of the U.S. Workforce is engaged and committed where they work, and 54 percent say they would consider leaving their companies if they could receive a 20 percent raise elsewhere. Disengagement not only lowers performance, morale, and productivity, but it's costing employers billions of dollars a year. It's a growing problem, which has many companies baffled."
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Susan C. Young |
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Active listening is one of the best services a company can provide.
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Susan C. Young |
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"Mix * Be situationally aware and pay attention to the people in the room. * Introduce guests or help strike up a conversation. * Be the one who takes the initiative and makes and effort to "work the room." * Make eye contact and acknowledge others with a smile and friendly gestures. * Greet people as they arrive, even if it is not your expected role. * Spot the people who may be first timers or guests and help them feel more welcomed and embraced."
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Susan C. Young |
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I am a very lucky lady that my life partner, Daniel, is a true-blue Southern gentleman. Watching him in action not only earns my love and respect, but it also strengthens his countenance and bolsters his reputation as a man. As a health care provider, he treats numerous patients who are elderly or in pain. Daniel has made it a customary ritual while people are in his care to help them with their coats, provide a stabilizing arm, carry the ladies' purses, and even walk patients out to their cars. While this kindness provides extraordinary customer service, it also demonstrates that small acts of chivalry can make a significant impact on one's reputation, first impression, and overall human-beingness.
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Susan C. Young |
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All manners are not created equal and can conjure different interpretations based on the environment in which they are being displayed.
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Susan C. Young |
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"The way you deliver the words you say becomes your "vocal image. This "vocal image" can make or break your first impressions, impact your communication, and determine how people respond to you."
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Susan C. Young |
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"Years ago, I read Andrew Carnegie's metaphor "developing people is like mining gold." He shared that sometimes you must move tons of dirt to find an ounce of gold. Every one of us has dirt because we are all imperfect and fallible. However, within each of us lies a vein of gold. When you find this treasure, regardless of how small, and begin to polish it, a person will shine so brightly the dirt falls away."
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Susan C. Young |
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It's not bravery unless you are doing something which causes you to feel afraid. Unless there is some degree of fear or apprehension involved, bravery is not even needed.
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Susan C. Young |
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Polishing the gold in others is easy to do and a valuable habit to develop to transform your relationship results. People will usually rise to the occasion and live up to your positive expectations.
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Susan C. Young |
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Situational awareness enables you to observe your periphery with a clear vision and emotional foresight, which may inevitably keep you socially, physically, or professionally out of harm's way. Connect the dots.
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Susan C. Young |
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If the skill of participatory listening came effortlessly and easy for everyone, there would not be so many misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, irritations, and frustrations.
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Susan C. Young |
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My success with customers on the telephone wasn't by using pushy sales methods, but by engaging people in meaningful conversations which could lead to friendships on the phone before I ever met them. I would ask questions, listen to their stories, respond to their needs, develop rapport, and earn their business. When we would finally meet in person, it felt less like an introduction and more like a reunion. It was not only good business, we had fun in the process!
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Susan C. Young |
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The first step in getting unstuck and moving forward is to examine what is holding you back from taking action. The power is yours to set your intention and take the action needed to create the life you desire. You are in control of your initiative--be proactive.
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Susan C. Young |
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When you are mindfully focused, the person with whom you are communicating feels that you are making them a priority--that you value their time and their perspective. It is in these moments that we can go to deeper levels of discovery, exploration, and connection. It is one of the most valuable gifts and finest compliments you can give to another.
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Susan C. Young |
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Service Beyond Self is Essential for Success Because It . . . * Builds credibility, trust, and customer satisfaction. * Strengthens your personal reputation and public image. * Fosters goodwill and makes people feel appreciated. * Helps you build healthy relationships with others. * Nurtures collaboration, participation, and cooperation. * Reaffirms a continuity of service for quality assurance, integrity, and reliability. * Saves money--it costs less to keep existing customers than it does to create new ones. When you do it right the first time, you don't have to fix it the next time. * Improves communication and builds rapport. * Fosters mutual respect and understanding * By providing other people with what they want, you will get more of what you want!
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Susan C. Young |
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To cultivate bravery and courage, practice, practice, practice. Each time you test your bravery you grow your self-assurance and increase your comfort to a greater degree. Repetition helps build confidence and competence. You did it; now do it again!
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Susan C. Young |
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It is crucial to understand that there are myriad interpretations of behavior. When you subscribe only to yours, you may begin to think that everyone else is wrong and thus limit your flexibility and possibility. Developing cultural awareness will make your diverse relationships easier and more productive.
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Susan C. Young |
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Take the Initiative. Be proactive. If you want to rock your relationship results, it is going to take action, effort, initiative, and choosing to get in the game--so, step up, step out, and show up!
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Susan C. Young |
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Developing your eloquence and enunciation will reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation and misunderstanding, making your delivery more powerful.
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Susan C. Young |
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Listening is one thing; however, ACTIVE listening is quite another. The first is a passive act which does not require great involvement, whereas, the latter is a consciously aware and deliberately focused effort to actively participate in the conversation.
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Susan C. Young |
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Inversely, when you are in a small group of people or friends and you don't make the effort to speak to everyone, it may be considered as rude. Rather than run the risk of people feeling neglected or dismissed, make the effort to Mix, Mingle, and Glow . . .
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Susan C. Young |
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To cultivate bravery and courage, try something new for the first time. Take a chance. Stretch beyond your familiar limits by taking risks that move you out of your old mindset and into a new perspective. Once accomplished, trying something new bolsters your confidence and boosts your ability to be brave.
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Susan C. Young |
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Imagine how many new friends you would make, how much new business you could create, and how much fun you could have by simply taking the initiative to be the inviter. Try it today. Welcome new relationships into your life that would never have occurred otherwise.
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Susan C. Young |
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When people can't give anything and are only there for themselves, why should others use their time and energy to get involved? There's no benefit.
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Susan C. Young |
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Listening is one of the finest ways to demonstrate our love for another human being. How many marriages could be saved, friendships healed, careers made, and opportunities enjoyed if people would simply stop what they are doing and listen deeply to what another person has to say. If practiced by everyone, this principle could be a world-changer!
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Susan C. Young |
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The Physical Language of Listening Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . . * Make eye contact. * Nod your head; confirm. * Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention. * Lean forward. * Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity. * Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.
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Susan C. Young |