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Becoming more socially aware involves greater understanding of the dynamics of social interactions to assure you achieve harmonious outcomes.
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"As Americans, we typically move full steam ahead without much regard to mindfulness or thoughtful reflection, often to one's own detriment. Yet it is that same propensity for bold action which makes fulfilling the "American Dream" possible--where an immigrant can come to our country with nothing and achieve extraordinary things." --
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To cultivate bravery and courage, interview brave people and learn their secrets. Whom do you know that displays courage and confidence? Ask them for their best practices, mimic their actions, follow their steps, utilize their methods. Ask if they will mentor you.
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To cultivate bravery and courage, change your attitude toward failure. Many successful people will tell you that if you aren't failing, you aren't trying--that failure is an essential precursor to achieving worthwhile endeavors. Failing (no matter how hard) is one of life's best teachers for winning the next time.
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To cultivate bravery and courage, practice, practice, practice. Each time you test your bravery you grow your self-assurance and increase your comfort to a greater degree. Repetition helps build confidence and competence. You did it; now do it again!
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Polite people tend to be more respected, admired, and appreciated than their rude counterparts.
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Focus on the Positives: Focusing on the positives will get you further in business and further in life. Whatever you focus on will expand. If you focus on what you do not like about another person, they will become so intolerable to you that you cannot bear to be around them. However, if you focus on their positives and can find something redeeming, regardless of how small, the positivity needed to experience a more constructive interaction and relationship will manifest before your eyes.
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Listening is one thing; however, ACTIVE listening is quite another. The first is a passive act which does not require great involvement, whereas, the latter is a consciously aware and deliberately focused effort to actively participate in the conversation.
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"In the hit movie, "Pay It Forward," a middle school child dreams of how he can change the world by being the catalyst for kindness. He begins his "social experiment" by performing a selfless act of kindness, and so begins the domino effect. As each consecutive person receives an act of kindness they, in turn, do something nice for another. The kindness becomes contagious and changes hundreds of lives for the better. Think of the global impact we could make if more people would make it their mission to simply pay if forward by BEING NICE."
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"Have you ever had a legitimate complaint as a customer which made you angry, upset, or frustrated? How was it "handled?" If you were dealing with an inept, uncaring, or untrained employee, they may have made matters even worse by being rude, defensive, or apathetic. Simple acknowledgment and validation of your complaint is sometimes all that is needed. Without it, you're left frustrated or upset."
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ASK YOURSELF: Have you found that being nice to some people is simply not effective? When might it be wise to throw down the gauntlet and get tough or confrontational?
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"While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a "bitch" has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people."
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"Being Nice Has Its Limitations. While you will certainly attract more bees with honey, there are times when being nice can backfire. Take it from a naturally kind person, being a "bitch" has its time and place. There will be times when you must engage with mean, rude, and inconsiderate people."
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4 Times to Get Tough . . . 1. Self-Respect--You don't have to take everything on the chin and lose the respect of yourself and others in the process. Don't be a doormat or a pushover by allowing people to disrespect or run over you. Stand firm in your beliefs and values. 2. Self-Preservation--Understand and set boundaries. Decide what is and what is not acceptable in how people treat you. Claim your power to live life on your terms and not at the whims of others' unreasonable requests and demands. 3. Protecting others--If you are a parent of a child or a caretaker of the elderly or disabled, it is your moral duty to defend them to the end. 4. Self-Defense--Have you ever felt threatened, unsafe, or abused because of another's behavior? Assert yourself and do whatever is necessary to ensure your safety. Being kind DOES NOT mean you should excuse such behavior.
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"Whoever came up with the idea that "nice guys finish last" must have been either very jaded or downright malicious. Why would a caring, emotionally healthy human being ever think that being "un-nice" is a virtue? Anyone who wants to get ahead in life and have quality outcomes needs to understand that kindness is a strength. You will move forward faster by making friends rather than foes."
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"17 Ways to Just Be Nice "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." --Aesop 1. Be sincere. 2. Be altruistic. 3. Practice patience. 4. Inquire and engage. 5. Keep your promises. 6. Offer help to others. 7. Acknowledge others. 8. Control your behavior. 9. Be situationally aware. 10. Be polite and courteous. 11. Use considerate manners. 12. Greet people with a smile. 13. Practice random acts of kindness. 14. Show respect for yourself and others. 15. Be complimentary and look for positives. 16. Walk in another's shoes to understand their needs. 17. Share of yourself without expecting anything in return."
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It's not bravery unless you are doing something which causes you to feel afraid. Unless there is some degree of fear or apprehension involved, bravery is not even needed.
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"Google Proves Nice Counts. On a quest to discover what it takes to build the "perfect team," Google launched the Project Aristotle initiative to find the answers. Over a period of several years, they surveyed hundreds of teams, conducted interviews, analyzed studies, and observed how team members interacted with one another. Google's findings revealed that "psychological safety" is the key ingredient for creating a high-functioning team. It nurtures a healthy environment that encourages freedom of expression, engaging communication, empathy for one another, caring, support, respect and, drum roll please . . . BEING NICE!"
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If you have ever experienced this type of unprofessional treatment, I doubt you would even consider giving them business in the future. Interrupting, ignoring, patronizing, or antagonizing a customer is like pouring gas on a fire and creates a more explosive situation than the original complaint. Still, it continues to happen every day, costing companies millions in lost revenue.
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Kindness is a powerful bridge builder which unifies teams, bonds friends, supports loved ones, and spreads goodwill. Tending to your bridges will fortify your relationships in such way that you will keep your invitations coming and your options open for future opportunities.
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When it comes to meeting new people, playing well with others, and connecting on deeper levels, there are inherent gaps which can be closed only by being brave. When is bravery needed?
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Every time you speak, you are using your voice to connect with others, whether it is in-person, on the phone, or in a recorded message.
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Is your voice value delivering the image you wish to convey? Is your voice coming across as smart, friendly, and positive or ignorant, rude, and negative?
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"The way you deliver the words you say becomes your "vocal image. This "vocal image" can make or break your first impressions, impact your communication, and determine how people respond to you."
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What can you do to ensure that your voice value translates into impression value?
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Susan C. Young |
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Every professional voice coach worth their salt will bring you back to the importance of tone, pace, and pitch. While these concepts were introduced earlier in The Art of Body Language section, we can now elaborate and take a deeper dive into how you can use your voice to improve your communications.
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It is generally believed that nearly 40 percent of your first impression will be set from the tone of your voice. Your vocal thermometer can be more impactful than the actual words you use.
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Your tone of voice can be conveyed in both the words you speak and in the words you write.
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Your tone can represent the character of your business, the strength of your resolve, and express the depths of your convictions.
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Does your tone match your intention? Is your tone of voice confusing or clarifying? Are you coming across to others as you had hoped? Once you begin to notice your tone, you can adjust as needed to make it work in your favor.
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Heed Your Speed. Are you a fast or a slow talker? Be mindful towards the person with whom you are speaking to ensure that your message is being comprehended, understood, and absorbed. If they are listening at a slower rate than you are speaking, disconnect can occur.
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Align your voice value with the tone, pace, and pitch of your listeners will help you connect on all levels.
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Have you ever paid notice to the full sound range of your voice? If you have ever been in a chorus or a singing group, you already know that they will separate the group based on each singer's pitch and assign their roles accordingly. While my speaking voice has a soprano pitch, my singing voice is a lower alto.
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A high-pitched voice may sound less authoritative, more youthful, and less experienced, whereas, a lower pitched voice may be perceived as being more authoritative, confident, and credible. It is unfortunate that listeners will make assumptions based on these differences before even knowing the depth and value of your message. Play with your ranges and find a comfortably low pitch. Practice it to see if it makes a difference in conveying more authority and brilliance.
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When your speaking style is clear, confident, and concise, your listeners will perceive you as such.
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Developing your eloquence and enunciation will reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation and misunderstanding, making your delivery more powerful.
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By your practice of active listening, everyone involved benefits because you . . . * are more engaged and engaging; * demonstrate that you are interested in others and what they have to say; * make others feel important, respected, understood, and appreciated; * improve your memory and retention; * affirm to others that you are an authentic, caring, and compassionate person; make a great first and last impression
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If the skill of participatory listening came effortlessly and easy for everyone, there would not be so many misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, irritations, and frustrations.
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Active listening is key to all healthy and effective communication, however, it doesn't necessarily come easily.
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Through the years, I have heard that the average person speaks at about 150-160 words per minute, but can listen at a rate of about 1,000 words per minute. What is going on during all that extra mind time? * Our minds are racing ahead and preparing for the next thing we are going to say. * We are preoccupied with other thoughts, priorities, and distractions. * Our subconscious filters are thumbing through our database of memories, judgments, experiences, perspectives, and opinions to frame how we are going to interpret what we think someone is saying.
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While active listening is crucial for optimal communication, we are faced with a dilemma which can perplex even the sincerest and engaged of individuals.
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"You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening. These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . . 1. The Sensual Plane: You're aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it. 2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel. 3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form."
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When you become an actively engaged listener, you will develop the mindful awareness that active listening involves multiple layers and distinct levels.
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To make matters even more complicated, research has shown that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. This inclination not only compromises our connection with another person, but we can fail to retain vital information. All this evidence demonstrates that it is imperative that we intentionally pay closer attention and strive to become an in-depth listener.
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UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener * Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do. * Allowing your emotional reactions to take over. * Interrupting the person talking. * Replying before you hear all the facts. * Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. * Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next. * Getting defensive or being over-eager. * One-upmanship--feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share. * Imposing an unsolicited opinion. * Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.
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Being Present Years ago, I attended a conference where the keynote speaker encouraged everyone to BE HERE NOW! It grabbed people's attention and reminded us that living, loving, listening, and laughing all occur in the present moment.
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Become keenly aware of these three layers to discover whether you're listening with interest and intent for excellent communication and understanding--or are you unintentionally sabotaging potentially phenomenal conversations. Knowledge of the listening planes will raise your awareness. And as you apply these, enjoy the surprising difference.
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When my son Nick was five years old, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while I prepared dinner. In typical busy mother fashion, I was multitasking--cooking, cleaning, running the laundry, answering the phone, and attempting to listen to what he had to say.
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Listening is one of the finest ways to demonstrate our love for another human being. How many marriages could be saved, friendships healed, careers made, and opportunities enjoyed if people would simply stop what they are doing and listen deeply to what another person has to say. If practiced by everyone, this principle could be a world-changer!
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The process of attentive listening makes the other person feel important, valued, and heard. For Nick, listening was, and still is, love. I've never forgotten that precious moment--and the lesson!
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Think about the people in your life with whom you have the most engaging dialogue--the ones who will listen to you and consider your opinions regardless of the topic. They'll stop whatever they are doing to give you their full attention. They become completely present and hear you.
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The Physical Language of Listening Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . . * Make eye contact. * Nod your head; confirm. * Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention. * Lean forward. * Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity. * Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.
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Now let's look at the flip side. When a diligent and caring person receives your complaint, they have the power to turn a challenge into a triumph. Through active listening, they demonstrate that your satisfaction is their top priority. They not only seek to solve your problem, but they are dedicated to re-earning your trust, your respect, and keeping your business.
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Some people not only burn their bridges, but they also torch the town! With all their deeds of drama and destruction, they leave behind an aftermath of distrust, disrespect, and disappointment. And for what? This behavior creates immeasurable suffering in all directions. It ruins reputations and business deals, shatters lives--and closes doors which can never be re-opened. These repercussions can be prevented or avoided by simply BEING NICE.
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Active listening requires being fully present and engaged in the moment.
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When you are mindfully focused, the person with whom you are communicating feels that you are making them a priority--that you value their time and their perspective. It is in these moments that we can go to deeper levels of discovery, exploration, and connection. It is one of the most valuable gifts and finest compliments you can give to another.
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To Become an Attentive Listener . . . * Observe a person's physical presence to see how their body language aligns with their message. * Recognize what is being said on the surface. * Engage your intuition to hear the meaning, purpose, and motivation behind their message. * Be aware of your own internal responses and how you are feeling. * Put yourself in their shoes to better understand their perspective.
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Becoming an empathetic listener helps you to better understand how another person feels and why they communicate as they do.
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Your heightened awareness of their perceptions, experiences, emotions, and personality styles can reveal why they feel the way they do so that you can choose your responses wisely and compassionately.
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My success with customers on the telephone wasn't by using pushy sales methods, but by engaging people in meaningful conversations which could lead to friendships on the phone before I ever met them. I would ask questions, listen to their stories, respond to their needs, develop rapport, and earn their business. When we would finally meet in person, it felt less like an introduction and more like a reunion. It was not only good business, we had fun in the process!
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Your encounters will be more successful when you slow down, pay attention, and become more mindfully aware of the world around you. Heightening your awareness in your social, situational, contextual, orientational, and cultural scenarios will improve your agility as you adapt to new social settings.
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14 Ways to Become an Incredible Listener 1. Be present and provide your undivided attention. 2. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. 3. Listen attentively and respond appropriately. 4. Minimize or eliminate distractions. 5. Focus your attention and energy with singleness of purpose on what the other person is saying. 6. Quiet your mind and suspend your thoughts to make room in your head to hear what is said--in the moment! 7. Ask questions and demonstrate empathy. 8. Use your body language and nonverbal cues constructively and pay attention to theirs. 9. Follow the rhythm of their speech; hear their tone. 10. Repeat and summarize what you have heard them say to confirm understanding. 11. Be open-minded and non-defensive. 12. Respond rather than react. 13. Be respectful, calm, and positive. 14. Try to resolve conflicts, not win them.
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To cultivate bravery and courage, try something new for the first time. Take a chance. Stretch beyond your familiar limits by taking risks that move you out of your old mindset and into a new perspective. Once accomplished, trying something new bolsters your confidence and boosts your ability to be brave.
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And as is often the case, the people who would benefit the most from reading a book like this are the ones least likely to buy and read it. For you, however, this chapter will serve as a sterling reminder to make your manners shine.
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You already know the difference between being a gracious person versus a rude one.
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Your manners are critical for both making a positive first impression and creating success in life, love, and business.
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Since we are all unique and individual, being cognizant of different personality styles will help you better recognize where others are coming from to minimize barriers, build trust, and catapult your newfound communication skills into meaningful connections. The savvy socializer knows this all.
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The Art of Communication shares insights to help you communicate with a higher awareness and focused intention and meet people on their level to increase clarity and understanding.
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When you begin conversations with confidence and listen attentively, you will become more flexible and adaptable in most any situation.
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Sometimes you must earn the right to be included. Otherwise, you may appear awkward or pushy.
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When a person is focused completely on self it is nearly impossible to be mindful of others at the same time. That is a contradiction for healthy communication, networking, and relationship building.
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Being brave requires taking deliberate action and doing something new that stretches you beyond your comfort zone.
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Any time you put yourself on the line, you risk (and maybe fear) failing, falling, being embarrassed, or looking stupid--none of which are comfortable.
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If being brave were easy, more people would be.
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It is unimpressive to not return what's been borrowed. Whether you have borrowed money, folding chairs, yard tools, or a popular book, always make sure you return to another person what is rightfully theirs. Lending it to you in the first place was a gift of trust and assistance. Being slow to give back in return may be considered rude.
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communication skills, quotes by Susan C Young, relationship quotes, how to be complimentary, motivational speaker Susan Young, positivity quotes, positive first impression quotes, susanspeaks.com, find the best in others
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Make a list of positives: Whether you would like to nurture a healthy relationship or improve a toxic one, make a list of positives which you admire about the other person. Begin by identifying, acknowledging, and focusing on their good qualities. Your perspective and how you feel about the person will begin to shift. You will find it much easier to polish the gold from a perspective of gratitude and appreciation.
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Brag about their accomplishments in front of others: For years, I have shared that the definition of a good friend is someone who says nice things about you behind your back. And the definition of a GREAT friend is someone who says GREAT things to others in front of you. One of the kindest things a husband or wife can do for their relationships is to brag about their partner's qualities to other people.
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Be complimentary: Find something positive to say to compliment another person. Whether they are being a great parent, dressing nicely, maintaining a gorgeous yard, or winning a recent 5K run, pick something to acknowledge which is noteworthy.
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To cultivate bravery and courage, take a deep breath & relax: When you feel fear, your body tenses up and your thoughts lead you down an anxiety-ridden path. Stop, breathe, relax.
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To cultivate bravery and courage, borrow courage. There is inspiration all around you in the form of people who are living your dreams, achieving similar goals, and already succeeding. Knowing that something can be done is often half the battle. Most successful people find great reward in helping others reach for goals.
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With your mind alert and your eyes wide open, you will be better able to assess your space and your place for optimizing exchanges and your communication impressions.
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When you are socially aware, you will realize whether you are forcing yourself into a conversation or have actually been invited to participate.
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"It is unimpressive to interrupt another person while they are talking. Interrupting someone in mid-sentence demonstrates that your focus is on yourself, not the person talking. I had a friend who used a humorous retort whenever someone would interrupt him. He would graciously, albeit sarcastically, say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak while you were interrupting." It always got a laugh, yet he was cleverly letting the intruder know of his infraction without being too confrontational."
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Polishing the gold in others is easy to do and a valuable habit to develop to transform your relationship results. People will usually rise to the occasion and live up to your positive expectations.
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To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Say something nice! My wise mother raised us with the philosophy that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. That is a Southern custom if there ever was one! It is easy to find fault, criticize, condemn, and complain--but none of these behaviors will help you enjoy positive relationship results.
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"To Polish the Gold & Help Others Shine . . . Catch people doing things right: Outstanding leaders know that people will be more engaged, perform at higher levels, and be more loyal when they are appreciated and celebrated. Jeff West, international speaker and author of The Unexpected Tour Guide, shares that "People will jump over high hurdles, fight fires and break through walls for leaders who find them doing things right. Building that kind of chemistry is essential if a team is going to jell." Capitalize on the opportunity to notice what people are doing right at work and at home and they will deliver their best. As the old saying goes, "A person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected."
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What are the key elements for a fabulous, well-delivered compliment? You . . . * are sincere and genuine. * give it freely without expecting anything in return. Your compliment is a selfless gift, not a boomerang. * are specific and detailed. * elaborate on why you like something. * describe how their positive virtue has positively impacted you. * can use adjectives for more colorful descriptions. * keep it positive. * say it like you mean it with intentional impact. * use discretion and good judgment. * leave no room for misinterpretation or misunderstanding. * say the right thing at the right moment and let it flow organically. Finding sincere ways to compliment others is a powerful way to make a great first and last impression.
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For sixteen years, I had a spectacular real estate career in Tallahassee, Florida. I loved receiving telephone inquiries and making cold calls. I knew that if I could meet people on the phone, I could usually turn them into buyers.
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"I was once hired by an organization to deliver a workshop on networking. The goal was to provide their engineers with tools and strategies for expanding their circles of influence--to foster innovation, collaboration, and teambuilding. One of the engineers raised her hand in the middle of the program and bluntly said, "I'm happy with the people in my life and don't care to add any more." I respect and appreciate her position and have sometimes felt the same way. But, as long as we are alive, we will meet, greet, and interact with new people. Even if we are not inviting them into our personal lives, being socially brave will open new doors which may have remained closed otherwise."
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