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9ed91e7
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Ruby: ...What's so good about being 20? I call them the materialist years. The years we get distracted by all the bullshit. Then we cop on when we hit our 30s and spend those years trying to make up for the 20s. But your 40s? Those years are for enjoying it. Rosie: Hmmm good point. What are the 50s for? Ruby: Fixing what you fucked up in your 40s. Rosie: Great. Looking forward to it.
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rosie
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Cecelia Ahern |
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42fd697
|
"FatherMichael has entered the room Wildflower: Ah don't tell me you're through a divorce yourself Father? SureOne: Don't be silly Wildflower, have a bit of respect! He's here for the ceremony. Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere. FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet? SureOne: No but it's customary for the bride to be late. FatherMichael: Well is the groom here? SingleSam has entered the room Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever that both the bride and groom will have to change their names. SingleSam: Hello all. Buttercup: Where's the bride? LonelyLady: Probably fixing her makeup. Wildflower: Oh don't be silly. No one can even see her. LonelyLady: SingleSam can see her. SureOne: She's not doing her makeup; she's supposed to keep the groom waiting. SingleSam: No she's right here on the laptop beside me. She's just having problems with her password logging in. SureOne: Doomed from the start. Divorced_1 has entered the room Wildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in . . . SingleSam: Black. Wildflower: How charming. Buttercup: She's right to wear black. Divorced_1: What's wrong with misery guts today? LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written 12 years ago proclaiming his love for her and she doesn't know what to do. Divorced_1: Here's a word of advice. Get over it, he's married. Now let's focus the attention on me for a change. SoOverHim has entered the room FatherMichael: OK let's begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be "Sam") and Divorced_1 (soon to be "Married_1"). SoOverHim: WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS A MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN A DIVORCED PEOPLE CHAT ROOM?? Wildflower: Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a gate crasher here. Excuse me can we see your wedding invite please? Divorced_1: Ha ha. SoOverHim: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, COMING IN HERE AND TRYING TO UPSET OTHERS WHO ARE GENUINELY TROUBLED. Buttercup: Oh we are genuinely troubled alright. And could you please STOP SHOUTING. LonelyLady: You see SoOverHim, this is where SingleSam and Divorced_1 met for the first time. SoOverHim: OH I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW! Buttercup: Sshh! SoOverHim: Sorry. Mind if I stick around? Divorced_1: Sure grab a pew; just don't trip over my train. Wildflower: Ha ha. FatherMichael: OK we should get on with this; I don't want to be late for my 2 o'clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married? LonelyLady: Yes. SureOne: I could give more than one reason. Buttercup: Hell yes. SoOverHim: DON'T DO IT! FatherMichael: Well I'm afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament. Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they all object to marriage. Can we get on with it? FatherMichael: Certainly. Do you Sam take Penelope to be your lawful wedded wife? SingleSam: I do. FatherMichael: Do you Penelope take Sam to be your lawful wedded husband? Divorced_1: I do (yeah, yeah my name is Penelope). FatherMichael: You have already e-mailed your vows to me so by the online power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Now if the witnesses could click on the icon to the right of the screen they will find a form to type their names, addresses, and phone numbers. Once that's filled in just e-mail it off to me. I'll be off now. Congratulations again. FatherMichael has left the room Wildflower: Congrats Sam and Penelope! Divorced_1: Thanks girls for being here. SoOverHim: Freaks. SoOverHim has left the room"
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love
rosie
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Cecelia Ahern |
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dc27cda
|
"Up the narrow stairs and into the kitchen. Rosie's mother looked around and made a face as if to indicate that it did not meet her standards of hygiene, containing as it did, edible foodstuffs. "Coffee? Water?" Don't say wax fruit. "Wax fruit?" Damn."
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wax-fruit
rosie
gaiman
kitchen
mother
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Neil Gaiman |
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a30e0ae
|
"You're saying your mother engaged in unprotected sex outside her primary relationship?' 'With some other student,' replied Rosie. 'While she was dating my' - at this point Rosie raised her hands and made a downwards movement, twice, with the index and middle fingers of both hands - 'father. My real dad's a doctor. I just don't know which one. Really, really pisses me off.' I was fascinated by the hand movements and silent for a while as I tried to work them out. Were they a sign of distress at not knowing who her father was? If so, it was not one I was familiar with. And why had she chosen to punctuate her speech at that point ... of course! Punctuation! 'Quotation marks,' I said aloud as the idea hit me. 'What?' 'You made quotation marks around "father" to draw attention to the fact that the word should not be interpreted in the usual way. Very clever.' 'Well, there you go,' she said. 'And there I was thinking you were reflecting on my minor problem with my whole fucking life. And might have something intelligent to say.' I corrected her. 'It's not a minor problem at all!' I pointed my finger in the air to indicate an exclamation mark. 'You should insist on being informed.' I stabbed the same finger to indicate a full stop. This was quite fun."
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social-ineptitude
rosie
|
Graeme Simsion |
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cd35d5b
|
Rosies mother was a highly strung bundle of barely thought-through prejudices, worries and feuds.
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bundle
feuds
rosie
gaiman
prejudices
worries
mother
|
Neil Gaiman |
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8d17d0b
|
Life is hard, so what? It's hard for everyone, isn't it? Anyone who says it's easy is a liar.
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love
rosie
|
Cecelia Ahern |