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Link Quote Stars Tags Author
73b66f0 When will people learn that just because you can make something doesn't mean you should? satire witty Sara Gruen
31d1ea5 The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate. simile witty George R.R. Martin
cf01b71 This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here. witty Hunter S. Thompson
7656c14 Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument. politics witty Robert A. Heinlein
54e5559 "-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." -- comedy comical funny humor humorous ironic satire sharp witty Lloyd Alexander
8069bea Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty. pride vanity witty George Eliot
8dd0853 But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that's the bad kind. Tim Dorsey (Hurricane Punch) humor serge serial-killer witty Tim Dorsey
143d131 Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia. fleet funny gormenghast life life-lessons living onomatopoeia out-of-context witty Mervyn Peake
3c603f4 Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby. hilarious witty Chuck Palahniuk
331c983 "I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief. "And you so intelligent!" "Excuse me?" said tom "Knowing those things are going to kill you" she said "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave" Tom said, "if immortality were an option" smoking witty Stephen Fry
472aaef (About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. funny-and-random humor humorous retort satire wit witty Terry Pratchett
829a23c "Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles. He gave Sansa an angry look, as if it were her fault. He's been taken by the Starks and we've lost Riverrun and now her stupid brother is calling himself a king. The dwarf smiled crookedly. "All sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days." lannister tyrion witty George R.R. Martin
67ee32d "Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh?" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you?" "Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay," says O'Sullivan, polite as can be. "But what will you be wantin' of them?" says I. "'Twill be a great favour," says O'Sullivan. "But it's my only pair," says I; "and you have a pair of your own," says I. "Mr. Fay, I'll be needin' me own in bad weather," says O'Sullivan. "Besides," says I, "you have no money." "I'll pay for them when we pay off in Seattle," says O'Sullivan. "I'll not do it," says I; "besides, you're not tellin' me what you'll be doin' with them." "But I will tell yeh," says O'Sullivan; "I'm wantin' to throw 'em over the side." And with that I turns to walk away, but O'Sullivan says, very polite and seducin'-like, still a-stroppin' the razor, "Mr. Fay," says he, "will you kindly step this way an' have your throat cut?" And with that I knew my life was in danger, and I have come to make report to you, sir, that the man is a violent lunatic." funny humor sailor sea ship witty Jack London
3121040 "Some day, Prince Kheldar, you will fall in love," the queen said with a little smirk, "and the twelve kingdoms will stand around and chortle over the fall of so notorious a bachelor." love witty David Eddings
bc9bff6 Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism. wit witty Christopher Moore
d347ac1 "What am I going to do?" asked Ce'Nedra. "First you ought to go wash your face," Polgara told her. "Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don't have the right coloring for it. You're an absolute fright. I'd advise you never to cry in public if you can help it." witty David Eddings
8aa2f5a Your--ah--intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months. funny garion polgara the-belgariad witty David Eddings
608e859 "You get a promotion?" "I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]" "You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me." "We're a bit more subtle." witty Nelson DeMille
46e7ebf I tried to picture a bunch of guys in blue suits running around a beachside neighborhood, knocking on doors and flashing Fed creds. That should cause a stampede of illegal aliens heading south. witty Nelson DeMille
9fa6937 Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else - not as fragile as we think they are. truthful witty Julie Powell
19bec41 Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard? Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out of town. humour witty Barbara Hambly
b2a48d0 Have any sheep been seen walking out of the Library with seagoing adventurers clinging to their wool? humor witty Lindsey Davis
584b0b4 Think of yourselves as pearls. We, sitting in our rows, eyes down, we make her salivate morally. We are hers to define, we must suffer her adjectives. I think about pearls. Pearls are congealed oyster spit. rational witty Margaret Atwood
7b0f27d What are you - Secret Service?' 'If I were, I wouldn't admit it.' 'And you're not admitting it, I notice. witty witty-comebacks witty-comments Robert Goddard
4c33efa "Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue." answer arm blank captain cliff funny language mother name point query question response sarcasm sarcastic title tongue voice wit witty word Robin Hobb
0b92db6 I could see why she felt attracted to Sam K. Barrows. Birds of a feather, or rather lizards of a scale. witty Philip K. Dick
ca4023a What do you want me to do, learn to stutter? comebacks noir noir-fiction noir-style sam-spade witty Dashiell Hammett
0707a23 And then the second thing you have to do is go and see your son. That is a duty of love, Andrew. It's as simple as that. A duty of love. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? witty Alexander McCall Smith
0ff0417 "Pendergast," Ridder said. His voice was low and very, very cold. Despite herself, Corrie shivered when she saw the look on his face. Pendergast stopped. "Yes?" pendergast still-life-with-crows witty Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child Still Life With Crows
c1094a8 They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea. humorous laughter witty Sophie Kinsella
fc6f639 "I said, "Your brother is in bed with my wife." I added, "I just took them up some wine in bed." dialogue humor iris-murdoch witty Iris Murdoch
df94972 "As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in." clever epic funny humor humour make-me-laugh silly witty Garth Nix
f3be024 Their business here was over then, and they all knew it; the magic moment had arrived when it was understood that nothing more would be established, discovered, or decided today. But the meeting, having once begun, must drag on for several long more hours before it could be ended. The engines of protocol had enormous inertial mass; once set in motion they took forever to grind to a stop. witty Michael Swanwick
9f9a3a5 Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum. witty Philip José Farmer
34ab943 There it was: a full confession. Sherlock Holmes had done it again, and as I marveled at my devastating powers of deduction, I wished there had been two of me so I could have patted myself on the back. I know it sounds arrogant, but how often does one achieve a mental triumph of that magnitude? After listening to her speak just two words, I had nailed the whole bloody thing. If Watson had been there, he would have been shaking his head and muttering under his breath. sherlock-holmes witty Paul Auster
b7062ab "I have a package for somebody named Mrs. Jewls," he said. "I'll take it," said Louis. "Are you Mrs. Jewls?" asked the man. "No," said Louis. "I have to give it to Mrs. Jewls," said the man. Louis thought a moment. He didn't want the man disturbing the children. He knew how much they hated to be interrupted when they were working. "I'm Mrs. Jewls," he said. "But you just said you weren't Mrs. Jewls," said the man. "I changed my mind," said Louis. The man got the package out of the back of the truck and gave it to Louis. "Here you go, Mrs. Jewls," he said." humor package school ups witty Louis Sachar
47b80d0 To a life of quiet desperation... and not leading it. desperation freedom life quiet wealth witty Rebecca McNutt
0e47b43 Pelagia put her hands on her hips, taking advantage of the superiority implicit in the fact that she was standing and he lying down. witty women Louis de Bernières
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