witty

Link	Quote	Tags	Author
73b66f0	When will people learn that just because you can make something doesn't mean you should?	witty satire	Sara Gruen
31d1ea5	The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.	simile witty	George R.R. Martin
cf01b71	This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.	witty	Hunter S. Thompson
7656c14	Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.	politics witty	Robert A. Heinlein
54e5559	"-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." --	humorous funny humor comical comedy sharp witty satire ironic	Lloyd Alexander
8069bea	Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.	witty vanity pride	George Eliot
8dd0853	But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that's the bad kind. Tim Dorsey (Hurricane Punch)	humor serge serial-killer witty	Tim Dorsey
143d131	Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia.	funny living life-lessons life fleet onomatopoeia out-of-context gormenghast witty	Mervyn Peake
3c603f4	Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.	witty hilarious	Chuck Palahniuk
331c983	"I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief. "And you so intelligent!" "Excuse me?" said tom "Knowing those things are going to kill you" she said "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave" Tom said, "if immortality were an option"	witty smoking	Stephen Fry
472aaef	(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.	humorous humor retort witty satire funny-and-random wit	Terry Pratchett
829a23c	"Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles. He gave Sansa an angry look, as if it were her fault. He's been taken by the Starks and we've lost Riverrun and now her stupid brother is calling himself a king. The dwarf smiled crookedly. "All sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days."	lannister tyrion witty	George R.R. Martin
3121040	"Some day, Prince Kheldar, you will fall in love," the queen said with a little smirk, "and the twelve kingdoms will stand around and chortle over the fall of so notorious a bachelor."	love witty	David Eddings
67ee32d	"Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh?" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you?" "Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay," says O'Sullivan, polite as can be. "But what will you be wantin' of them?" says I. "'Twill be a great favour," says O'Sullivan. "But it's my only pair," says I; "and you have a pair of your own," says I. "Mr. Fay, I'll be needin' me own in bad weather," says O'Sullivan. "Besides," says I, "you have no money." "I'll pay for them when we pay off in Seattle," says O'Sullivan. "I'll not do it," says I; "besides, you're not tellin' me what you'll be doin' with them." "But I will tell yeh," says O'Sullivan; "I'm wantin' to throw 'em over the side." And with that I turns to walk away, but O'Sullivan says, very polite and seducin'-like, still a-stroppin' the razor, "Mr. Fay," says he, "will you kindly step this way an' have your throat cut?" And with that I knew my life was in danger, and I have come to make report to you, sir, that the man is a violent lunatic."	funny humor sailor ship witty sea	Jack London
bc9bff6	Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.	witty wit	Christopher Moore
608e859	"You get a promotion?" "I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]" "You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me." "We're a bit more subtle."	witty	Nelson DeMille
46e7ebf	I tried to picture a bunch of guys in blue suits running around a beachside neighborhood, knocking on doors and flashing Fed creds. That should cause a stampede of illegal aliens heading south.	witty	Nelson DeMille
d347ac1	"What am I going to do?" asked Ce'Nedra. "First you ought to go wash your face," Polgara told her. "Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don't have the right coloring for it. You're an absolute fright. I'd advise you never to cry in public if you can help it."	witty	David Eddings
8aa2f5a	Your--ah--intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months.	funny garion polgara the-belgariad witty	David Eddings
19bec41	Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard? Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out of town.	humour witty	Barbara Hambly
9fa6937	Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else - not as fragile as we think they are.	truthful witty	Julie Powell
584b0b4	Think of yourselves as pearls. We, sitting in our rows, eyes down, we make her salivate morally. We are hers to define, we must suffer her adjectives. I think about pearls. Pearls are congealed oyster spit.	rational witty	Margaret Atwood
b2a48d0	Have any sheep been seen walking out of the Library with seagoing adventurers clinging to their wool?	humor witty	Lindsey Davis
7b0f27d	What are you - Secret Service?' 'If I were, I wouldn't admit it.' 'And you're not admitting it, I notice.	witty-comebacks witty-comments witty	Robert Goddard
4c33efa	"Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue."	funny answer arm blank captain cliff query response title tongue witty word language point mother sarcastic question voice wit name sarcasm	Robin Hobb
0b92db6	I could see why she felt attracted to Sam K. Barrows. Birds of a feather, or rather lizards of a scale.	witty	Philip K. Dick
ca4023a	What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?	comebacks sam-spade noir-style witty noir noir-fiction	Dashiell Hammett
0707a23	And then the second thing you have to do is go and see your son. That is a duty of love, Andrew. It's as simple as that. A duty of love. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?	witty	Alexander McCall Smith
c1094a8	They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.	laughter humorous witty	Sophie Kinsella
df94972	"As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in."	clever humour funny humor make-me-laugh silly epic witty	Garth Nix
34ab943	There it was: a full confession. Sherlock Holmes had done it again, and as I marveled at my devastating powers of deduction, I wished there had been two of me so I could have patted myself on the back. I know it sounds arrogant, but how often does one achieve a mental triumph of that magnitude? After listening to her speak just two words, I had nailed the whole bloody thing. If Watson had been there, he would have been shaking his head and muttering under his breath.	witty sherlock-holmes	Paul Auster
9f9a3a5	Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.	witty	Philip José Farmer
0ff0417	"Pendergast," Ridder said. His voice was low and very, very cold. Despite herself, Corrie shivered when she saw the look on his face. Pendergast stopped. "Yes?"	still-life-with-crows pendergast witty	Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child Still Life With Crows
f3be024	Their business here was over then, and they all knew it; the magic moment had arrived when it was understood that nothing more would be established, discovered, or decided today. But the meeting, having once begun, must drag on for several long more hours before it could be ended. The engines of protocol had enormous inertial mass; once set in motion they took forever to grind to a stop.	witty	Michael Swanwick
fc6f639	"I said, "Your brother is in bed with my wife." I added, "I just took them up some wine in bed."	humor iris-murdoch dialogue witty	Iris Murdoch
47b80d0	To a life of quiet desperation... and not leading it.	wealth freedom life witty quiet desperation	Rebecca McNutt
0e47b43	Pelagia put her hands on her hips, taking advantage of the superiority implicit in the fact that she was standing and he lying down.	women witty	Louis de Bernières
b7062ab	"I have a package for somebody named Mrs. Jewls," he said. "I'll take it," said Louis. "Are you Mrs. Jewls?" asked the man. "No," said Louis. "I have to give it to Mrs. Jewls," said the man. Louis thought a moment. He didn't want the man disturbing the children. He knew how much they hated to be interrupted when they were working. "I'm Mrs. Jewls," he said. "But you just said you weren't Mrs. Jewls," said the man. "I changed my mind," said Louis. The man got the package out of the back of the truck and gave it to Louis. "Here you go, Mrs. Jewls," he said."	humor package ups witty school	Louis Sachar

When will people learn that just because you can make something doesn't mean you should?

Sara Gruen

31d1ea5

The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.

simile witty

George R.R. Martin

cf01b71

This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.

witty

Hunter S. Thompson

7656c14

Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.

politics witty

Robert A. Heinlein

54e5559

"-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." --

humorous funny humor comical comedy sharp witty satire ironic

Lloyd Alexander

8069bea

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

witty vanity pride

George Eliot

8dd0853

But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that's the bad kind. Tim Dorsey (Hurricane Punch)

humor serge serial-killer witty

Tim Dorsey

143d131

Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia.

funny living life-lessons life fleet onomatopoeia out-of-context gormenghast witty

Mervyn Peake

3c603f4

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.

witty hilarious

Chuck Palahniuk

331c983

"I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief. "And you so intelligent!" "Excuse me?" said tom "Knowing those things are going to kill you" she said "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave" Tom said, "if immortality were an option"

witty smoking

Stephen Fry

472aaef

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

humorous humor retort witty satire funny-and-random wit

Terry Pratchett

829a23c

"Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles. He gave Sansa an angry look, as if it were her fault. He's been taken by the Starks and we've lost Riverrun and now her stupid brother is calling himself a king. The dwarf smiled crookedly. "All sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days."

lannister tyrion witty

George R.R. Martin

3121040

"Some day, Prince Kheldar, you will fall in love," the queen said with a little smirk, "and the twelve kingdoms will stand around and chortle over the fall of so notorious a bachelor."

love witty

David Eddings

67ee32d

"Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh?" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you?" "Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay," says O'Sullivan, polite as can be. "But what will you be wantin' of them?" says I. "'Twill be a great favour," says O'Sullivan. "But it's my only pair," says I; "and you have a pair of your own," says I. "Mr. Fay, I'll be needin' me own in bad weather," says O'Sullivan. "Besides," says I, "you have no money." "I'll pay for them when we pay off in Seattle," says O'Sullivan. "I'll not do it," says I; "besides, you're not tellin' me what you'll be doin' with them." "But I will tell yeh," says O'Sullivan; "I'm wantin' to throw 'em over the side." And with that I turns to walk away, but O'Sullivan says, very polite and seducin'-like, still a-stroppin' the razor, "Mr. Fay," says he, "will you kindly step this way an' have your throat cut?" And with that I knew my life was in danger, and I have come to make report to you, sir, that the man is a violent lunatic."

funny humor sailor ship witty sea

Jack London

bc9bff6

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.

witty wit

Christopher Moore

608e859

"You get a promotion?" "I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]" "You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me." "We're a bit more subtle."

witty

Nelson DeMille

46e7ebf

I tried to picture a bunch of guys in blue suits running around a beachside neighborhood, knocking on doors and flashing Fed creds. That should cause a stampede of illegal aliens heading south.

witty

Nelson DeMille

d347ac1

"What am I going to do?" asked Ce'Nedra. "First you ought to go wash your face," Polgara told her. "Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don't have the right coloring for it. You're an absolute fright. I'd advise you never to cry in public if you can help it."

witty

David Eddings

8aa2f5a

Your--ah--intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months.

funny garion polgara the-belgariad witty

David Eddings

19bec41

Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard? Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out of town.

humour witty

Barbara Hambly

9fa6937

Which just goes to show, I guess, that dinner parties are like everything else - not as fragile as we think they are.

truthful witty

Julie Powell

584b0b4

Think of yourselves as pearls. We, sitting in our rows, eyes down, we make her salivate morally. We are hers to define, we must suffer her adjectives. I think about pearls. Pearls are congealed oyster spit.

rational witty

Margaret Atwood

b2a48d0

Have any sheep been seen walking out of the Library with seagoing adventurers clinging to their wool?

humor witty

Lindsey Davis

7b0f27d

What are you - Secret Service?' 'If I were, I wouldn't admit it.' 'And you're not admitting it, I notice.

witty-comebacks witty-comments witty

Robert Goddard

4c33efa

"Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue."

funny answer arm blank captain cliff query response title tongue witty word language point mother sarcastic question voice wit name sarcasm

Robin Hobb

0b92db6

I could see why she felt attracted to Sam K. Barrows. Birds of a feather, or rather lizards of a scale.

witty

Philip K. Dick

ca4023a

What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?

comebacks sam-spade noir-style witty noir noir-fiction

Dashiell Hammett

0707a23

And then the second thing you have to do is go and see your son. That is a duty of love, Andrew. It's as simple as that. A duty of love. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

witty

Alexander McCall Smith

c1094a8

They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I? That might have been quite a good idea.

laughter humorous witty

Sophie Kinsella

df94972

"As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in."

clever humour funny humor make-me-laugh silly epic witty

Garth Nix

34ab943

There it was: a full confession. Sherlock Holmes had done it again, and as I marveled at my devastating powers of deduction, I wished there had been two of me so I could have patted myself on the back. I know it sounds arrogant, but how often does one achieve a mental triumph of that magnitude? After listening to her speak just two words, I had nailed the whole bloody thing. If Watson had been there, he would have been shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

witty sherlock-holmes

Paul Auster

9f9a3a5

Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.

witty

Philip José Farmer

0ff0417

"Pendergast," Ridder said. His voice was low and very, very cold. Despite herself, Corrie shivered when she saw the look on his face. Pendergast stopped. "Yes?"

still-life-with-crows pendergast witty

Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child Still Life With Crows

f3be024

Their business here was over then, and they all knew it; the magic moment had arrived when it was understood that nothing more would be established, discovered, or decided today. But the meeting, having once begun, must drag on for several long more hours before it could be ended. The engines of protocol had enormous inertial mass; once set in motion they took forever to grind to a stop.

witty

Michael Swanwick

fc6f639

"I said, "Your brother is in bed with my wife." I added, "I just took them up some wine in bed."

humor iris-murdoch dialogue witty

Iris Murdoch

47b80d0

To a life of quiet desperation... and not leading it.

wealth freedom life witty quiet desperation

Rebecca McNutt

0e47b43

Pelagia put her hands on her hips, taking advantage of the superiority implicit in the fact that she was standing and he lying down.

women witty

Louis de Bernières

b7062ab

"I have a package for somebody named Mrs. Jewls," he said. "I'll take it," said Louis. "Are you Mrs. Jewls?" asked the man. "No," said Louis. "I have to give it to Mrs. Jewls," said the man. Louis thought a moment. He didn't want the man disturbing the children. He knew how much they hated to be interrupted when they were working. "I'm Mrs. Jewls," he said. "But you just said you weren't Mrs. Jewls," said the man. "I changed my mind," said Louis. The man got the package out of the back of the truck and gave it to Louis. "Here you go, Mrs. Jewls," he said."

humor package ups witty school

Louis Sachar