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96f3a55 I've felt as if I didn't exist, as if I were invisible, miles away from the world, miles away. You can't imagine how much alone I've been all my life. apart dissociated invisible iris-murdoch lonely outcast the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
fed0579 Si se entiende por eternidad, no la duracion temporal sin fin, sino la ausencia de tiempo, vive eternamente el que vive en el presente. español eternidad iris-murdoch vida-y-muerte Iris Murdoch
20d5532 As I lay there, listening to the soft slap of the sea, and thinking these sad and strange thoughts, more and more and more stars had gathered, obliterating the separateness of the Milky Way and filling up the whole sky. And far far away in that ocean of gold, stars were silently shooting and falling and finding their fates, among these billions and billions of merging golden lights. And curtain after curtain of gauze was quietly removed, and I saw stars behind stars behind stars, as in the magical Odeons of my youth. And I saw into the vast soft interior of the universe which was slowly and gently turning itself inside out. I went to sleep, and in my sleep I seemed to hear a sound of singing. description descriptive galaxy iris-murdoch magical milky-way stars the-sea-the-sea universe Iris Murdoch
28af5f2 I was now, all the time, unutterably tired as if simply keeping alive was a terrible effort. depressed iris-murdoch suicidal tired world-weary Iris Murdoch
07cfcf4 It was her birthday. She thought, I am always unhappy on this day. birthday iris-murdoch the-green-knight unhappy Iris Murdoch
324b71e "I feel I'm at the end of something -- everything is going to be different -- and terrible." "That doesn't sound like you, you ride every wave." "There is one that will drown me." dialogue giving-up iris-murdoch metaphor resilience the-end the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
b9a97cb "Sometimes I felt I would die by wishing it when I went to sleep but I always woke up again and found I was still there. Every morning finding I'm still me, that's hell." "Well, get out of hell then! The gate's open and I'm holding it!" "I can't. I'm hell, myself." depressed dialogue hell iris-murdoch release suffering suicidal the-sea-the-sea trapped Iris Murdoch
b50c6ba Her eyes, which refused to meet mine, had the defensive coldness of those who are determined to lose hope. determined eyes giving-up hopeless iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea iris murdoch
221abea I crave for love, everybody does . . . and I've never had a bloody crumb of it--and I've given so much love to people--I can really love people, I can, I let them walk over me--but nobody's ever loved me. iris-murdoch love sad the-black-prince unloved unreciprocated-love unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
ab55de7 I have nobody in the world. I'll kill myself. That's best. Everyone will say, It's for the best that she killed herself, she's better off dead . . . I hate myself so much I could spend hours and hours just screaming with hatred and with the pain of it, oh the pain of it . . . depression iris-murdoch self-hatred self-loathing suicidal the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
62bb2e1 I don't think I can marry, I'm not fit for it, I'm not real enough. That's the trouble. I'm a puppet that's realised what's wrong with itself and it's . I'm propped up somewhere all alone, watching the real people go past. I'm propped up crying in a corner. iris-murdoch left-out metaphor misery outsider sad single the-message-to-the-planet unloved Iris Murdoch
8639c6b One might have all sorts of reasons for avoiding people. It's none of our business. avoidance iris-murdoch misanthropic reclusive the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
b8cabb6 Your infatuation will end in tears. heartbreak infatuation iris-murdoch tears the-message-to-the-planet warning Iris Murdoch
87809f9 There is a time limit to how long a spirited young person can be kept in cold storage. iris-murdoch limbo on-the-shelf spirited youth Iris Murdoch
db5ae62 Your coldness has ruined my life. All right, you didn't mean it, all right I was a schoolgirl, but you could have been kinder to someone who said they loved you, you could have been gentle and grateful. declaration-of-love harsh iris-murdoch rejection ruined-lives the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
3e32f51 And she did seem then to go to sleep instantly: the quick flight into oblivion of the chronically unhappy person. depression iris-murdoch oblivion sleep the-sea-the-sea unhappy Iris Murdoch
3c78923 "You've obviously never been in love." "I have actually. And . And--always--without hope--I've never had my love reciprocated ever." in-love iris-murdoch love painful sad the-black-prince unreciprocated-love unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
ed6f34a They really wanted to remain always in their own house and their own garden. There are such people. iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
aff24b1 Only take someone's hand in a certain way, even look into their eyes in a certain way, and the world is changed forever. gazing holding-hands iris-murdoch irrevocable love romance romantic the-black-prince touch Iris Murdoch
062fa4e You can't magic yourself out of the situation, you've got to live it as decently and as grimly as you can. grim iris-murdoch magic the-message-to-the-planet trapped Iris Murdoch
98756c2 I know girls aren't supposed to tell, but I've got to tell--just in case you should fail to love me because you never knew how much I loved you. I want not to have to say later--I wish I'd told him. declaration-of-love gender-roles henry-and-cato if-only iris-murdoch love romance romantic-love unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
995b2e2 I've been so unhappy for years, so unhappy . . . I don't understand how a human being can be so unhappy all the time and still be alive. iris-murdoch miserable suffering suicidal the-black-prince unending unendurable unhappy Iris Murdoch
374a2b7 Let me sleep at last. I've had misery enough in my life. You said there was nowhere to go to. There is death to go to. I've had misery enough in my life. desperate escape iris-murdoch misery sleep suicidal the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
b05d5c1 I know people can be awful dooms for each other. doom iris-murdoch the-black-prince toxic-people toxic-relationships unhealthy Iris Murdoch
0882153 "In a century or two this planet will have been destroyed by external cosmic forces or by the senseless activity of the human race. Human life is a freak phenomenon, soon to be blotted out. That is a consoling thought. Meanwhile we are surrounded by strange invisible entities, possibly your angels." "I hope so." "Ah, you think they are good, they be good, there is no good, the tendency to evil is overwhelming. One has only to think of the horrors of sex, its violence, its cruelty, its filthy vulgarity, its descent into bestial degradation. You had better go and dream in your monastery." "Would you come and visit me there?" "Of course not. I do not visit. Only, unfortunately, am sometimes visited." "You don't want to discuss -- you know -- what happened? My priest said -- " "No." "I care about how you are, I love you." "You still fail to realise how this sort of talk sickens me. Now please go. This will do for a welcome home scene. Tell them not to come. I desire to be left alone." end-of-the-world humor iris-murdoch misanthrope pessimistic recluse relationship the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
2e6cc27 Eccentrics with unseeing eyes glided through, savouring amid so much society their own particular loneliness and private sins and sorrows. eccentrics iris-murdoch loneliness sins society sorrows the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
7851f1c I had deluded myself throughout by the idea of reviving a secret love which did not exist at all. iris-murdoch love secret-love the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
d71b68e "It might be most dramatically effective to begin the tale at the moment when Arnold Baffin rang me up and said, "Bradley, could you come round here please, I think I have just killed my wife." dramatic iris-murdoch meta narrative narrator opening storytelling the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
6388a0b We shall meet, but as strangers. It is the end of an era. A whole part of my life is torn away. iris-murdoch parting sad separation strangers the-end-of-an-era the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
39eda6c And I thought, rolling my head to and fro between my hands in anguish, oh if only it could have worked somehow for us two. if-only in-another-life iris-murdoch star-crossed-lovers the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
d7a8c6f I could not see other human beings at present. alone antisocial iris-murdoch misanthropic recluse seclusion Iris Murdoch
375eb56 Your love for me does not exist in the real world. Yes, it is love, I do not deny it. But not every love has a course to run, smooth or otherwise, and this love has no course at all . . . But that is remote from love and remote from ordinary life. As real people we do not exist for each other. figurative-language impossible-love iris-murdoch love unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
f2e104d Don't tease me. Everything wounds me now except perfect kindness. iris-murdoch kindness sensitive teasing the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
3f8737c I am, I must confess, an obsessive and superstitious letter-writer. When I am troubled I will write any long letter rather than make a telephone call. This is perhaps because I invest letters with magical power. To desiderate something in a letter is, I often irrationally feel, tantamount to bringing it about. A letter is a barrier, a reprieve, a charm against the world, an almost infallible method of acting at a distance. (And, it must be admitted, of passing the buck.) It is a way of bidding time to stop. iris-murdoch letters magical obsessive superstitious the-black-prince writing Iris Murdoch
58df7d4 A few people paused to look at him, but Londoners were by now so accustomed to 'weirdies' of all kinds that his ritual aroused little interest. iris-murdoch london londoners onlookers passerby the-black-prince weirdies Iris Murdoch
23b5103 And I was upset to find how really reluctant I was to leave my little flat. It was as if I was almost frightened. Spasms of prophetic homesickness pierced me as I rearranged the china and dusted it with my handkerchief, obsessive visions of burglaries and desecrations. anxiety fear hermetic homebody homesickness iris-murdoch recluse the-black-prince worry Iris Murdoch
6211c2c The room had the rather sinister tedium which some bedrooms have, a sort of weary banality which is a reminder of death. A dressing table can be a terrible thing. description humor iris-murdoch morbid the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
4753e09 I struggled with a nebulous work which seemed now a , now a vast novel, wherein a hero not unlike myself pursued, amid ghostly incidents, a series of reflections about life and art. iris-murdoch meta plot struggling the-black-prince writer writing Iris Murdoch
d1cf6e8 Give yourself to these great works of art. They suffice for a lifetime. art enduring great-works-of-art iris-murdoch lifetime the-black-prince works-of-art Iris Murdoch
2eb33b1 I want to be cut off from people like Marloe. Being a real person oneself is a matter of setting up limits and drawing lines and saying no. I don't want to be a nebulous bit of ectoplasm straying around in other people's lives. That sort of vague sympathy with everybody precludes any real understanding of anybody . . . And it precludes any real loyalty to anybody. discerning iris-murdoch loner loyalty relationships setting-limits the-black-prince understanding Iris Murdoch
587585c The world is perhaps ultimately to be defined as a place of suffering. Man is a suffering animal, subject to ceaseless anxiety and pain and fear. iris-murdoch nihilism pessimism suffering the-black-prince the-human-condition the-world worldview Iris Murdoch
7d9be3a I just want to serve and help people and be good to everybody, only it always goes wrong somehow--I think about suicide all the time, every bloody day I want to die and stop this torture, but I go crawling on . . . I'm so Christ-awful bloody lonely I could scream with it for hours on end. desperate iris-murdoch loneliness rejected selfless suicidal the-black-prince unlucky Iris Murdoch
f79e3d0 Most friendships are a sort of frozen and undeveloping semi-hostility. friendship hostility iris-murdoch relationships resentment stagnant the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
a8d219c He was glad that he had expressed to her, however blunderingly, what he felt. He was glad that he had held her hand. holding-hands iris-murdoch no-regrets the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
9f3a0e8 The agony was of suddenly feeling herself so separate and so secret. iris-murdoch isolated secret secretive separate the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
d22274c He felt himself falling into a state, very common when he was younger, of being totally cut off from the society he was in. dissociation iris-murdoch outsider social-anxiety the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
bb2fd38 How sad for those who cannot enjoy what are after all prime pleasures of daily life, and perhaps for some the only ones, eating and drinking. drinking eating food iris-murdoch pleasures the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
ce22cd8 What the cold light showed me was that my situation was simply unlivable. I wanted, with a desire greater than any desire which I had ever conceived could exist without instantly killing its owner by spontaneous combustion, something which I simply could not have. hopeless iris-murdoch suicidal the-black-prince unlivable unrequited-love wanting Iris Murdoch
089664c But the spark vanished, there was no longed-for recognition, no dawning sign of recovery. The love she had learnt in tending him was an enclosed love, muted and maimed, already mourning. They would never communicate now. iris-murdoch missed-opportunity sad star-crossed-lovers the-message-to-the-planet unrequited-love unspoken Iris Murdoch
fb14f8a She could not bear the tenderness which a dog would evoke, she did not want the pain of another love. She knew how very much, how desperately, she would love her dog; and dogs are vulnerable and short-lived and die. iris-murdoch love painful pets tenderness the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
8a2c8de And she wondered now how she could go on existing through the successive moments of her life. iris-murdoch life unbearable Iris Murdoch
7a4b017 I tried deep breathing, but seemed to lose contact with myself between each breath, so that the next one was always an emergency. I began to feel faint. deep-breathing dissociation humor iris-murdoch panic-attack the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
2f07ad3 But I can't do anything for him and he can't do anything for me. We must wail in our own corners. comfortless grief iris-murdoch isolated the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
620cba0 To say we were 'in love', that vague weakened phrase, cannot express it. We loved each other, we lived in each other, through each other, by each other. We were each other. Why was it such pure unadulterated pain? iris-murdoch love the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
db16a6c I'm not like other people, my life just doesn't work, it never has. difference iris-murdoch lament life outsider the-black-prince unlucky Iris Murdoch
ace7549 But I live, I , with an absolutely continuous sense of failure. I am always defeated, always. dejected despairing failure iris-murdoch low-self-esteem the-black-prince unrelenting Iris Murdoch
5a2b9d2 Those who occasion loss of dignity are hard to forgive. grudge iris-murdoch loss-of-dignity the-black-prince unforgivable Iris Murdoch
5a2b875 She was not just a wild creature, she was a wounded creature. iris-murdoch the-message-to-the-planet wild wounded Iris Murdoch
073aec2 How fearful that dark shadow is when we catch sight of it in the life of another. No wonder those at whom that black arrow is aimed so often turn and flee. How unendurable it can be, the love another bears us. I would never persecute my darling with that dread knowledge. From now onward until the world ended everything must remain, although utterly changed, exactly as it was before. iris-murdoch love selfless the-black-prince unrequited-love unspoken Iris Murdoch
b5e3676 Sometimes I feel I am crammed with demons. demons internal-struggle iris-murdoch possessed the-message-to-the-planet tormented Iris Murdoch
2ff31c8 How could it be that I had actually kissed her cheek without enveloping her, without becoming her? How could I at that moment have refrained from kneeling at her feet and howling? desire dramatic howling iris-murdoch kiss love passionate-love soul-mates the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
d2a31ee You see, I'm not mad, I suffer from depression. It's not like ordinary misery. It's like dying of boredom. It's . depression iris-murdoch madness misery the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
c1d47c0 There were good times or goodish times, only the bad times were so--crucial. abusive-household bad-times crucial formative-years good-times iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
2061f9a He said, 'Forgive me for being a liar and a fool and an utterly worthless man.' Louise replied, 'I love you.' He took her in his arms for a moment and they held each other with closed eyes. confession declaration-of-love dialogue embrace iris-murdoch tender the-green-knight unconditional-love Iris Murdoch
31f0f02 He did not touch her but enjoyed the particular intimate pain of the tension between them. intimate iris-murdoch pain tension the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
74035e9 Sometimes one feels suddenly doomed by fate. doomed fate foreboding iris-murdoch premonition the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
99bb922 It was for me a moment of great peace. I did not know then that it was the last, the very last moment of peace, the end of the old innocent world, the final moment before I was plunged into the nightmare of which these ensuing pages tell the story. foreshadowing iris-murdoch narrator nightmare peace Iris Murdoch
1e592e9 One can be too ingenious in trying to search out the truth. Sometimes one must simply respect its veiled face. Of course this is a love story. ambiguity iris-murdoch love-story mysterious the-sea-the-sea truth unknowable Iris Murdoch
5d08208 Oh what an ill fate it was that has made me love that man. iris-murdoch love misfortune the-message-to-the-planet toxic-relationships Iris Murdoch
e74d8b4 Tell her I was young once and star-bright Who am now invisible . . . henry-and-cato invisible iris-murdoch poetry young Iris Murdoch
4f4ad79 Oh my life is so awful, it's just so awful to be me, you don't know what it's like waking every morning and finding the whole horror of being yourself still there. depression horror identity iris-murdoch life self-loathing the-black-prince trapped unhappy Iris Murdoch
9707da8 I adore your jealousy, especially when it's so misplaced. I expect Shakespeare wrote a sonnet about that. humor iris-murdoch jealousy misplaced the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
3d65918 I just hope -- if he does come -- it won't be some sort of horror show. arrival foreshadowing horrifying horror horror-show iris-murdoch Iris Murdoch
59fe39b Those who cry out the truth to an indifferent world too often weary, fall silent or come to doubt their own wit. in-vain iris-murdoch the-black-prince unheeded Iris Murdoch
38b41d8 He suffers terribly all the time. He lives in fire. endless-suffering iris-murdoch metaphor relentless suffering the-green-knight torture Iris Murdoch
e82208d I felt so ashamed with them because everything in their life was going so well and they were so sort of successful. I couldn't talk about what I wanted with them and they were always in a hurry. inferiority iris-murdoch jealous not-wanted out-of-place outsider shame the-black-prince unspoken Iris Murdoch
cf79420 "Is your father writing a book?" said Alison. "No. He's existing. Some people live, like the rest of us, like the people in your plays. He just exists." iris-murdoch living the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
0a69862 She was a spoiler, a needler, an underminer, a diminisher, simply by instinct. destructive harmful iris-murdoch the-black-prince toxic toxic-people undermining Iris Murdoch
507f705 I can't tell you--oh I can't tell you--how awful--how sort of unlivable--everything is now--like a great black wall in front of me--Something's got to smash. change depression henry-and-cato iris-murdoch simile unbearable unlivable Iris Murdoch
1453138 If there is any fruitless mental torment which is greater than that of jealousy it is perhaps remorse. Even the pains of loss may be less searching; and often of course these agonies combine, as now they did for me. I say remorse not repentance. I doubt if I have ever experienced repentance in a pure form; perhaps it does not exist in a pure form. Remorse contains guilt, but helpless hopeless guilt which knows of no cure for the painful bite. guilt iris-murdoch jealousy remorse repentance the-sea-the-sea torment Iris Murdoch
e7c0f3e You talk of freedom -- I've never had it! I've been lonely and miserable and in despair, and you want me to consent to all that all over again! freedom iris-murdoch lonely misery the-message-to-the-planet Iris Murdoch
5d70777 Of course we live in dreams and by dreams, and even in a disciplined spiritual life, in some ways especially there, it is hard to distinguish dream from reality. In ordinary human affairs humble common sense comes to one's aid. For most people common sense moral sense. But you seem to have deliberately excluded this modest source of light. Ask yourself, what really happened between whom all those years ago? You've made it into a story, and stories are false. iris-murdoch memory meta reality story the-past the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
ab189fa But whatever she was I loved her and was committed to her and had always been, here and out beyond the stars, those stars behind stars behind stars which I had seen that night when I lay on the rocks and the golden sky slowly turned the universe inside out. commitment description iris-murdoch love stars the-sea-the-sea unconditional-love Iris Murdoch
7356b05 "It's not so easy." "What isn't?" "To establish relationships, you can't just elect people, it can't be done by thinking and willing." dialogue iris-murdoch relationships the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
0886c53 I have no close friends, that is, no friends. friendless friends iris-murdoch isolated lonely the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
c7b6c0c As it is I crawl on everyday towards the tomb. When I wake in the morning I think first of death, do you? iris-murdoch morbid mortality the-sea-the-sea Iris Murdoch
267eb88 So was she on the side of dragons and indifferent to the fate of princesses? fairy-tales iris-murdoch princesses the-green-knight tropes Iris Murdoch
6f2422b Our planet is a freak which we shall destroy by our own wicked senseless activities in the next century. Our history will very soon come to an end. Now that God is dead, we are at last presented with the truth, yes, the truth remains, but it is on a short lead. Anyway, we are nothing and it matters not what we do. doomsday end-of-the-world iris-murdoch meaningless nihilism pessimistic the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
fc6f639 "I said, "Your brother is in bed with my wife." I added, "I just took them up some wine in bed." dialogue humor iris-murdoch witty Iris Murdoch
0e5eab1 Bellamy found simply a task of amazing difficulty. It was as if ordinary human life were a mobile machine full of holes, crannies, spaces, apertures, fissures, cavities, lairs, into one of which Bellamy was required to (and indeed desired to) fit himself. The machine moved slowly, resembling a train, or sometimes a merry-go-round. But as soon as Bellamy got on (or got in), the machine would soon eject him, sending him spinning back to a where he was once more forced to be a . Perhaps, that was in some mysterious sense his place, his . But Bellamy did not want to be a spectator, nor could he (having no money of his own) afford to be one. Moreover he had never really mastered the art, apparently so simple for others, of . His failure to find a metier, to find a task which was task, caused him continuous anxiety, nor did it occur to him to emulate the majority of mankind who positively resigned themselves, seeing no alternative, to alien and unsatisfying work. At one time he had suffered from depression, and was nearer to despair than his friends realised. depression despair iris-murdoch left-out place-in-the-world spectator the-green-knight work Iris Murdoch
6c00b72 And suffering we know breeds images, it breeds the most beautiful images of all. contradictory contrasting henry-and-cato images inspiration iris-murdoch juxtaposition suffering Iris Murdoch
36261b7 I took him for a kind of buffoon. Now I see he is a devil. devil enemy first-impression iris-murdoch the-green-knight underestimated Iris Murdoch
f0bf99e She felt intense disappointment, even a kind of guilt, as if she had missed something, perhaps forever. He had been there, she could have spoken to him. Could she call out now, cry his name? It was impossible. finality guilt iris-murdoch missed-chances missed-opportunity sad the-green-knight Iris Murdoch
6ed5b79 You're doing your thing, why can't I do my thing? I must be me even if I suffer for it. henry-and-cato identity iris-murdoch self self-expression suffer Iris Murdoch
8fac1f1 I did not like the look of him at all. Something significantly ill-omened which I could not yet define emanated from him. bad-omens foreboding iris-murdoch the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
2447f1e We are all potentially demons to each other, but some close relationships are saved from this fate. demons iris-murdoch metaphor relationships the-sea-the-sea toxic-relationships Iris Murdoch
2a6306c Then the front doorbell (already too long delayed by my rambling narrative) rang. iris-murdoch meta narrative narrator self-deprecating the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
d510c11 I shall not attempt here to describe my marriage. Some impression of it will doubtless emerge. For the present story, its general nature rather than its detail is important. It was not a success. At first I saw her as a life-bringer. Then I saw her as a death-bringer. Some women are like that. There is a sort of energy which seems to reveal the world: then one day you find you are being devoured. Fellow victims will know what I mean. Possibly I am a natural bachelor. humor iris-murdoch marriage omission relationships the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
69f934e You get so worked up and flowery! You sound as if you were quoting something all the time! flowery humor iris-murdoch quoting the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
c4f14e4 You see, nobody cares about me except you. You don't know what that's like. You've always had people who cared. You've always had . I've never had anybody. No wonder I feel frustrated. frustrated henry-and-cato iris-murdoch lonely unloved Iris Murdoch
08af27f I want you to be able to me, and as my love for you is so much of me (all of me, making me more than myself) then you must see that too. henry-and-cato identity iris-murdoch love seen self the-beloved Iris Murdoch
4d38cb7 I'm not interested. I never liked him. He's some sort scoundrel. dialogue dislike humor iris-murdoch scoundrel the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
a68af5b Anywhere is dangerous if you carry danger with you. dangerous inner-turmoil iris-murdoch the-message-to-the-planet troubled Iris Murdoch
711df23 The trouble with people nowadays is they don't know how to do nothing. idle inactivity iris-murdoch Iris Murdoch
7e2ecc0 Only stories and magic really endure. iris-murdoch lasting magic stories the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
25e3de8 How easily one is hurt. Or is it only I who am so stupidly vulnerable. iris-murdoch sensitive the-green-knight vulnerable Iris Murdoch
d7adc61 Now, when she felt so deeply connected to him, they were finally estranged. connection estranged iris-murdoch star-crossed-lovers the-message-to-the-planet unrequited-love Iris Murdoch
33c175b I'm not young. I've never had any youth. burdens iris-murdoch old-soul sad the-message-to-the-planet youth Iris Murdoch
8d0063a There is a kind of despair involved in creation which I am sure any artist knows all about. In art, as in morality, great things go by the board because at the crucial moment we blink our eyes. When is the crucial moment? Greatness is to recognize it and be able to hold it and to extend it. But for most of us the space between 'dreaming on things to come' and 'it is too late, it is all over' is too tiny to enter. And so we let each thing go, thinking vaguely that it will always be given to us to try again. Thus works of art, and thus whole lives of men, are spoilt by blinking and moving quickly on. I often found that I had ideas for stories, but by the time I had thought them out in detail they seemed to me hardly worth writing, as if I had already 'done' them: not because they were bad, but because they already belonged to the past and I had lost interest. My thoughts were soon stale to me. Some things I ruined by starting them too soon. Others by thinking them so intensely in my head that they were over before they began. Projects would change in a second from hazy uncommitted dreams into unsalvageable ancient history. Whole novels existed only in their titles. creative-process crucial-moment elusive inspiration iris-murdoch the-black-prince writer writing Iris Murdoch
1d7c738 Only sometimes at night when I think that you live now and are somewhere, I shed tears. crying iris-murdoch parted sad separated separation tears the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
66bc4be Beyond her declaration of love she could not see. But as she rehearsed the intensity of her passion she thought that he , when the time came, . The desire to, at the right time, him became, as the years moved forward toward that time, increasingly painful, like a poisoned wound that must heal itself by breaking open. She thought in anguish of the times, the recent times, when she could have told him, and had been afraid to, and had clumsily withdrawn, when she could have attracted him and drawn his attention to her. When she had watched over him when he was sleeping in the sedan-chair and could have wakened him with a kiss. If only she had , then she could more easily have borne his not preferring her. He was ready to fall in love -- and if he had -- he must have loved her -- if he had known how much she loved him. The pain of this loss burnt her in every waking moment, that awful 'if only'. She had lost him, and lost him through her own fault. There were no more pleasures now in life. if-only iris-murdoch loss missed-chance missed-opportunity suffering the-green-knight unrequited-love unspoken Iris Murdoch
c593622 There was a shadowy light, not exactly twilight, but an uncertain vivid yet hazy illumination, wherein people walked like spirits, bathed in light and not revealed. description iris-murdoch light the-black-prince Iris Murdoch
bb69c4f I am looking out of my window in an anxious and resentful state of mind, oblivious to my surroundings, brooding perhaps on some damage done to my prestige. Then suddenly I observe a hovering kestrel. In a moment everything is altered. The brooding self with its hurt vanity has disappeared. There is nothing now but kestrel. And when I return to thinking of the other matter it seems less important iris-murdoch philosophy Iris Murdoch
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