the-sea-the-sea

Link	Quote	Tags	Author
96f3a55	I've felt as if I didn't exist, as if I were invisible, miles away from the world, miles away. You can't imagine how much alone I've been all my life.	apart dissociated invisible iris-murdoch lonely outcast the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
20d5532	As I lay there, listening to the soft slap of the sea, and thinking these sad and strange thoughts, more and more and more stars had gathered, obliterating the separateness of the Milky Way and filling up the whole sky. And far far away in that ocean of gold, stars were silently shooting and falling and finding their fates, among these billions and billions of merging golden lights. And curtain after curtain of gauze was quietly removed, and I saw stars behind stars behind stars, as in the magical Odeons of my youth. And I saw into the vast soft interior of the universe which was slowly and gently turning itself inside out. I went to sleep, and in my sleep I seemed to hear a sound of singing.	description descriptive galaxy iris-murdoch magical milky-way stars the-sea-the-sea universe	Iris Murdoch
b50c6ba	Her eyes, which refused to meet mine, had the defensive coldness of those who are determined to lose hope.	determined eyes giving-up hopeless iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea	iris murdoch
b9a97cb	"Sometimes I felt I would die by wishing it when I went to sleep but I always woke up again and found I was still there. Every morning finding I'm still me, that's hell." "Well, get out of hell then! The gate's open and I'm holding it!" "I can't. I'm hell, myself."	depressed dialogue hell iris-murdoch release suffering suicidal the-sea-the-sea trapped	Iris Murdoch
ed6f34a	They really wanted to remain always in their own house and their own garden. There are such people.	iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
7851f1c	I had deluded myself throughout by the idea of reviving a secret love which did not exist at all.	iris-murdoch love secret-love the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love	Iris Murdoch
39eda6c	And I thought, rolling my head to and fro between my hands in anguish, oh if only it could have worked somehow for us two.	if-only in-another-life iris-murdoch star-crossed-lovers the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love	Iris Murdoch
3e32f51	And she did seem then to go to sleep instantly: the quick flight into oblivion of the chronically unhappy person.	depression iris-murdoch oblivion sleep the-sea-the-sea unhappy	Iris Murdoch
bb2fd38	How sad for those who cannot enjoy what are after all prime pleasures of daily life, and perhaps for some the only ones, eating and drinking.	drinking eating food iris-murdoch pleasures the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
e3e2821	I contemplated her, seeing her young bland face looking at me, now removed as if behind a gauze curtain. She quietly invited me to suffer. There was a great space now, a great silent hall in which this suffering could take place. There was no urgency now, nothing to plan, nothing to achieve. What shall I do with it, I asked her, what shall I do now with my love for you which you so terribly revived by reappearing in my life? Why did you come back, if you could not content me? What can I do now with the great useless machine of my love which has no wholesome work to do? I can do nothing for you any more, my darling. I wondered if I would be fated to live with this love, making of it a shrine which could not now be desecrated. Perhaps when I was living alone and being everyone's uncle like a celibate priest I would keep this fruitless love as my secret chapel. Could I then learn to love uselessly and unpossessively and would this prove to be the monastic mysticism which I had hoped to attain when I came away to the sea?	love the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love	Iris Murdoch
620cba0	To say we were 'in love', that vague weakened phrase, cannot express it. We loved each other, we lived in each other, through each other, by each other. We were each other. Why was it such pure unadulterated pain?	iris-murdoch love the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
c1d47c0	There were good times or goodish times, only the bad times were so--crucial.	abusive-household bad-times crucial formative-years good-times iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
364cdb3	Of course one never knows about other people's loves, and I would certainly never know about James's.	love loves other-people private the-sea-the-sea unknowable	Iris Murdoch
1e592e9	One can be too ingenious in trying to search out the truth. Sometimes one must simply respect its veiled face. Of course this is a love story.	ambiguity iris-murdoch love-story mysterious the-sea-the-sea truth unknowable	Iris Murdoch
1453138	If there is any fruitless mental torment which is greater than that of jealousy it is perhaps remorse. Even the pains of loss may be less searching; and often of course these agonies combine, as now they did for me. I say remorse not repentance. I doubt if I have ever experienced repentance in a pure form; perhaps it does not exist in a pure form. Remorse contains guilt, but helpless hopeless guilt which knows of no cure for the painful bite.	guilt iris-murdoch jealousy remorse repentance the-sea-the-sea torment	Iris Murdoch
5d70777	Of course we live in dreams and by dreams, and even in a disciplined spiritual life, in some ways especially there, it is hard to distinguish dream from reality. In ordinary human affairs humble common sense comes to one's aid. For most people common sense moral sense. But you seem to have deliberately excluded this modest source of light. Ask yourself, what really happened between whom all those years ago? You've made it into a story, and stories are false.	iris-murdoch memory meta reality story the-past the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
ab189fa	But whatever she was I loved her and was committed to her and had always been, here and out beyond the stars, those stars behind stars behind stars which I had seen that night when I lay on the rocks and the golden sky slowly turned the universe inside out.	commitment description iris-murdoch love stars the-sea-the-sea unconditional-love	Iris Murdoch
1386310	You seem to think the past is unreal, a pit full of ghosts. But to me the past is in some ways the most real thing of all, and loyalty to it the most important thing of all.	the-sea-the-sea unreal	Iris Murdoch
7356b05	"It's not so easy." "What isn't?" "To establish relationships, you can't just elect people, it can't be done by thinking and willing."	dialogue iris-murdoch relationships the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
c7b6c0c	As it is I crawl on everyday towards the tomb. When I wake in the morning I think first of death, do you?	iris-murdoch morbid mortality the-sea-the-sea	Iris Murdoch
2447f1e	We are all potentially demons to each other, but some close relationships are saved from this fate.	demons iris-murdoch metaphor relationships the-sea-the-sea toxic-relationships	Iris Murdoch

96f3a55

I've felt as if I didn't exist, as if I were invisible, miles away from the world, miles away. You can't imagine how much alone I've been all my life.

apart dissociated invisible iris-murdoch lonely outcast the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

20d5532

As I lay there, listening to the soft slap of the sea, and thinking these sad and strange thoughts, more and more and more stars had gathered, obliterating the separateness of the Milky Way and filling up the whole sky. And far far away in that ocean of gold, stars were silently shooting and falling and finding their fates, among these billions and billions of merging golden lights. And curtain after curtain of gauze was quietly removed, and I saw stars behind stars behind stars, as in the magical Odeons of my youth. And I saw into the vast soft interior of the universe which was slowly and gently turning itself inside out. I went to sleep, and in my sleep I seemed to hear a sound of singing.

description descriptive galaxy iris-murdoch magical milky-way stars the-sea-the-sea universe

Iris Murdoch

b50c6ba

Her eyes, which refused to meet mine, had the defensive coldness of those who are determined to lose hope.

determined eyes giving-up hopeless iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea

iris murdoch

b9a97cb

"Sometimes I felt I would die by wishing it when I went to sleep but I always woke up again and found I was still there. Every morning finding I'm still me, that's hell." "Well, get out of hell then! The gate's open and I'm holding it!" "I can't. I'm hell, myself."

depressed dialogue hell iris-murdoch release suffering suicidal the-sea-the-sea trapped

Iris Murdoch

ed6f34a

They really wanted to remain always in their own house and their own garden. There are such people.

iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

7851f1c

I had deluded myself throughout by the idea of reviving a secret love which did not exist at all.

iris-murdoch love secret-love the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love

Iris Murdoch

39eda6c

And I thought, rolling my head to and fro between my hands in anguish, oh if only it could have worked somehow for us two.

if-only in-another-life iris-murdoch star-crossed-lovers the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love

Iris Murdoch

3e32f51

And she did seem then to go to sleep instantly: the quick flight into oblivion of the chronically unhappy person.

depression iris-murdoch oblivion sleep the-sea-the-sea unhappy

Iris Murdoch

bb2fd38

How sad for those who cannot enjoy what are after all prime pleasures of daily life, and perhaps for some the only ones, eating and drinking.

drinking eating food iris-murdoch pleasures the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

e3e2821

I contemplated her, seeing her young bland face looking at me, now removed as if behind a gauze curtain. She quietly invited me to suffer. There was a great space now, a great silent hall in which this suffering could take place. There was no urgency now, nothing to plan, nothing to achieve. What shall I do with it, I asked her, what shall I do now with my love for you which you so terribly revived by reappearing in my life? Why did you come back, if you could not content me? What can I do now with the great useless machine of my love which has no wholesome work to do? I can do nothing for you any more, my darling. I wondered if I would be fated to live with this love, making of it a shrine which could not now be desecrated. Perhaps when I was living alone and being everyone's uncle like a celibate priest I would keep this fruitless love as my secret chapel. Could I then learn to love uselessly and unpossessively and would this prove to be the monastic mysticism which I had hoped to attain when I came away to the sea?

love the-sea-the-sea unrequited-love

Iris Murdoch

620cba0

To say we were 'in love', that vague weakened phrase, cannot express it. We loved each other, we lived in each other, through each other, by each other. We were each other. Why was it such pure unadulterated pain?

iris-murdoch love the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

c1d47c0

There were good times or goodish times, only the bad times were so--crucial.

abusive-household bad-times crucial formative-years good-times iris-murdoch the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

364cdb3

Of course one never knows about other people's loves, and I would certainly never know about James's.

love loves other-people private the-sea-the-sea unknowable

Iris Murdoch

1e592e9

One can be too ingenious in trying to search out the truth. Sometimes one must simply respect its veiled face. Of course this is a love story.

ambiguity iris-murdoch love-story mysterious the-sea-the-sea truth unknowable

Iris Murdoch

1453138

If there is any fruitless mental torment which is greater than that of jealousy it is perhaps remorse. Even the pains of loss may be less searching; and often of course these agonies combine, as now they did for me. I say remorse not repentance. I doubt if I have ever experienced repentance in a pure form; perhaps it does not exist in a pure form. Remorse contains guilt, but helpless hopeless guilt which knows of no cure for the painful bite.

guilt iris-murdoch jealousy remorse repentance the-sea-the-sea torment

Iris Murdoch

5d70777

Of course we live in dreams and by dreams, and even in a disciplined spiritual life, in some ways especially there, it is hard to distinguish dream from reality. In ordinary human affairs humble common sense comes to one's aid. For most people common sense moral sense. But you seem to have deliberately excluded this modest source of light. Ask yourself, what really happened between whom all those years ago? You've made it into a story, and stories are false.

iris-murdoch memory meta reality story the-past the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

ab189fa

But whatever she was I loved her and was committed to her and had always been, here and out beyond the stars, those stars behind stars behind stars which I had seen that night when I lay on the rocks and the golden sky slowly turned the universe inside out.

commitment description iris-murdoch love stars the-sea-the-sea unconditional-love

Iris Murdoch

1386310

You seem to think the past is unreal, a pit full of ghosts. But to me the past is in some ways the most real thing of all, and loyalty to it the most important thing of all.

the-sea-the-sea unreal

Iris Murdoch

7356b05

"It's not so easy." "What isn't?" "To establish relationships, you can't just elect people, it can't be done by thinking and willing."

dialogue iris-murdoch relationships the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

c7b6c0c

As it is I crawl on everyday towards the tomb. When I wake in the morning I think first of death, do you?

iris-murdoch morbid mortality the-sea-the-sea

Iris Murdoch

2447f1e

We are all potentially demons to each other, but some close relationships are saved from this fate.

demons iris-murdoch metaphor relationships the-sea-the-sea toxic-relationships

Iris Murdoch