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7d9be3a I just want to serve and help people and be good to everybody, only it always goes wrong somehow--I think about suicide all the time, every bloody day I want to die and stop this torture, but I go crawling on . . . I'm so Christ-awful bloody lonely I could scream with it for hours on end. loneliness desperate rejected unlucky the-black-prince iris-murdoch selfless suicidal Iris Murdoch