comedy

Link	Quote	Tags	Author
c856ba5	You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.	comedy dark euphemism label manipulation	J.R. Ward
2de4968	"The place is also big enough. We could all live there without killing each other." -Rhage "That depends more on your mouth than any floorplan." -Phury"	comedy dark view-point	J.R. Ward
d9384e8	And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?	comedy dumbledore harry-potter secrets	J.K. Rowling
b30ffd4	Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.	comedy individuality inspirational	Lewis Black
45149bf	I'm standing in a slaughterhouse where the cattle are begging to become hamburgers. I have a right to be jumpy.	comedy hamburgers shattered-mirror	Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
a5ef752	A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present. But you... You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!	comedy dr-seuss optimist optimistic yourself	Dr. Seuss
1426b69	I have so much hate that it has turned into love.	comedy hate humor love margaret	Margaret Cho
54e5559	"-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." --	comedy comical funny humor humorous ironic satire sharp witty	Lloyd Alexander
48e39b0	Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you. Have you given much thought to our mortal condition? Probably not. Why would you? Well, listen. There's no one alive who can say if he will be tomorrow. Our fate moves invisibly! A mystery. No one can teach it, no one can grasp it. Accept this! Cheer up! Have a drink! But don't forget Aphrodite--that's You can let the rest go. Am I making sense? I think so. How about a drink. Put on a garland. I'm sure the happy splash of wine will cure your mood. We're all mortal you know. Think mortal. Because my theory is, there's no such thing as life,	cheer comedy death happiness life mortality sadness	Anne Carson
cd7da28	Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends.	comedy friendship humour sf	Spider Robinson
30c9aee	"He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who'd ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who'd ever belonged where she hadn't. My mama warned me about guys like you. He turned to her as if he'd heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. "Hi, I'm Sophie Dempsey," she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it. His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes. "Hello, Sophie Dempsey," her worst nightmare said. "Welcome to Temptation." --	comedy crusie romance-novels	Jennifer Crusie
bedb98b	Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love. Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. Let every eye negotiate for itself, And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.	claudio comedy friendship-and-love love play	William Shakespeare
44c93c3	My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.	comedy film life movie movies romance romance-movie star	John Green
21f92ee	No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.	comedy discworld fantasy	Terry Pratchett
3e19217	"Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled."	comedy humor	Julia Quinn
b3c572d	"Invalidating a woman's life choices by saying things like, "Oh, but you'll regret it if you don't have kids," or, "I didn't think I wanted kids either until I had one," is like me going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling the newly sober that eventually when they grow old, they'll want to take the edge off with a little gin and tonic and that if they could only just be mature enough to control themselves, they could go on a fun wine-tasting tour in the Napa Valley."	comedy funny kids women	Jen Kirkman
f94540c	Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.	comedy comedy-humor humor	Steve Martin
a2c2521	That bloody bastard! That thrice accursed son of a bitch!	comedy curses	Cornelia Funke
7f7fd19	...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.	comedy teacher teachers teaching	Steve Martin
608aee9	Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?' 'Oh, rather!' 'What do you do about it?' 'I generally take a couple of cocktails.	alcohol-addiction comedy depression desolation emptiness humor loneliness sorrow	P.G. Wodehouse
d020a48	"Driving is boring," Rabbit pontificates, "but it's what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went."	comedy driving	John Updike
3b7215c	Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, there'll be an explosion. Never mind, I'll be there to collect the bits--just like an antiquary.' 'Now, there's the language of true French gallantry,' murmured Madame Vauquer in an aside to Madame Couture.	comedy good-natured humor mockery obliviousness wit	Honoré de Balzac
7a344d6	Wrinkles was her big gray cat. Sierra named him Wrinkles because when he was a little baby he had a wrinkly face. He slept in Sierra's room, but not always on the bed. Mommy said that was 'cause Wrinkles had an attitude. Most cats had attitudes, actually.	comedy friendship	Karen Kingsbury
f3629a7	"Um, thanks," Jackson told her. "And your name is...?" "I'm Margaret, Margaret Van Der Graaf," she answered with another eerie smile. Her teeth were so white that they looked bleached. "Van Der Graaf?" Jackson repeated, trying to stifle his laughter. He didn't want to be rude to the only person in sight, to this kind-hearted stranger who was offering to help him, but... Van Der Graaf? "What are you laughing at?" Margaret asked with curiosity, flashing him a calculating gaze. "I like my name. If you're going to be a jerk, then I won't help you. You can stay out here on the street through the night for all I care." "...Harsh," said Jackson, giving her a quizzical glance back. There was something 'off' about her, something that Jackson couldn't quite place, something that bordered on horrible loneliness and longing. "Who else lives here, Margaret Van Der Graaf?" He couldn't resist saying her name aloud. Despite its hilarity, it had a nice ring to it. "Who else lives here?" he urged. "Me, myself and I," said Margaret simply, snickering when she saw his horrified and annoyed expression"	comedy friendship funny ghost humor longing lonliness name smile stranger weird	Rebecca McNutt
012dc40	But it is infamous that they have not told you!' declared Eustacie. 'Je n'en reviendrai jamais!' 'If it's all the same to you, miss, I'd just as soon you'd talk in a Christian language,' said Mr. Stubbs.	comedy french-language humor humour humourous humourous-quote idiocy idiotic idiots	Georgette Heyer
272ea98	Now that I had assigned myself an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing	comedy jokes stand-up steve-martin	Steve Martin
762587e	Excuse me, I must go and putt	british comedy english english-society golf putt putting	P.G. Wodehouse
93fbd3c	"Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth's awful behavior," Mandy suggested with optimism. "The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn't murdered us both yet," said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless. "Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?" Mandy questioned. "Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce," Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. "I don't know what else she likes. I've never asked her." "Well, she has to like something... doesn't everyone?" "Not her, Mandy Valems."	christmas cigarette comedy gift going-green hoiday humor lettuce miracle mother-earth murder present vegetables	Rebecca McNutt
32c062a	He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,' said the Runner. 'I am here in the execution of my dooty.	bumbling bungler bungling comedic comedy humor humorous-quotes idiot idiotic	Georgette Heyer
8c8b061	Them Frenchies!' 'Unchristian, that's what I call 'em,' responded Mr. Stubbs severely. 'I fair compassionate that wench.	comedy humor idiocy idiotic idiots moronic	Georgette Heyer

You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.

comedy dark euphemism label manipulation

J.R. Ward

2de4968

"The place is also big enough. We could all live there without killing each other." -Rhage "That depends more on your mouth than any floorplan." -Phury"

comedy dark view-point

J.R. Ward

d9384e8

And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?

comedy dumbledore harry-potter secrets

J.K. Rowling

b30ffd4

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.

comedy individuality inspirational

Lewis Black

45149bf

I'm standing in a slaughterhouse where the cattle are begging to become hamburgers. I have a right to be jumpy.

comedy hamburgers shattered-mirror

Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

a5ef752

A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present. But you... You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

comedy dr-seuss optimist optimistic yourself

Dr. Seuss

1426b69

I have so much hate that it has turned into love.

comedy hate humor love margaret

Margaret Cho

54e5559

"-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." --

comedy comical funny humor humorous ironic satire sharp witty

Lloyd Alexander

48e39b0

Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you. Have you given much thought to our mortal condition? Probably not. Why would you? Well, listen. There's no one alive who can say if he will be tomorrow. Our fate moves invisibly! A mystery. No one can teach it, no one can grasp it. Accept this! Cheer up! Have a drink! But don't forget Aphrodite--that's You can let the rest go. Am I making sense? I think so. How about a drink. Put on a garland. I'm sure the happy splash of wine will cure your mood. We're all mortal you know. Think mortal. Because my theory is, there's no such thing as life,

cheer comedy death happiness life mortality sadness

Anne Carson

cd7da28

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends.

comedy friendship humour sf

Spider Robinson

30c9aee

"He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who'd ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who'd ever belonged where she hadn't. My mama warned me about guys like you. He turned to her as if he'd heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. "Hi, I'm Sophie Dempsey," she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it. His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes. "Hello, Sophie Dempsey," her worst nightmare said. "Welcome to Temptation." --

comedy crusie romance-novels

Jennifer Crusie

bedb98b

Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love. Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. Let every eye negotiate for itself, And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.

claudio comedy friendship-and-love love play

William Shakespeare

44c93c3

My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.

comedy film life movie movies romance romance-movie star

John Green

21f92ee

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.

comedy discworld fantasy

Terry Pratchett

3e19217

"Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled."

comedy humor

Julia Quinn

b3c572d

"Invalidating a woman's life choices by saying things like, "Oh, but you'll regret it if you don't have kids," or, "I didn't think I wanted kids either until I had one," is like me going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling the newly sober that eventually when they grow old, they'll want to take the edge off with a little gin and tonic and that if they could only just be mature enough to control themselves, they could go on a fun wine-tasting tour in the Napa Valley."

comedy funny kids women

Jen Kirkman

f94540c

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

comedy comedy-humor humor

Steve Martin

a2c2521

That bloody bastard! That thrice accursed son of a bitch!

comedy curses

Cornelia Funke

7f7fd19

...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

comedy teacher teachers teaching

Steve Martin

608aee9

Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?' 'Oh, rather!' 'What do you do about it?' 'I generally take a couple of cocktails.

alcohol-addiction comedy depression desolation emptiness humor loneliness sorrow

P.G. Wodehouse

d020a48

"Driving is boring," Rabbit pontificates, "but it's what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went."

comedy driving

John Updike

3b7215c

Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, there'll be an explosion. Never mind, I'll be there to collect the bits--just like an antiquary.' 'Now, there's the language of true French gallantry,' murmured Madame Vauquer in an aside to Madame Couture.

comedy good-natured humor mockery obliviousness wit

Honoré de Balzac

7a344d6

Wrinkles was her big gray cat. Sierra named him Wrinkles because when he was a little baby he had a wrinkly face. He slept in Sierra's room, but not always on the bed. Mommy said that was 'cause Wrinkles had an attitude. Most cats had attitudes, actually.

comedy friendship

Karen Kingsbury

f3629a7

"Um, thanks," Jackson told her. "And your name is...?" "I'm Margaret, Margaret Van Der Graaf," she answered with another eerie smile. Her teeth were so white that they looked bleached. "Van Der Graaf?" Jackson repeated, trying to stifle his laughter. He didn't want to be rude to the only person in sight, to this kind-hearted stranger who was offering to help him, but... Van Der Graaf? "What are you laughing at?" Margaret asked with curiosity, flashing him a calculating gaze. "I like my name. If you're going to be a jerk, then I won't help you. You can stay out here on the street through the night for all I care." "...Harsh," said Jackson, giving her a quizzical glance back. There was something 'off' about her, something that Jackson couldn't quite place, something that bordered on horrible loneliness and longing. "Who else lives here, Margaret Van Der Graaf?" He couldn't resist saying her name aloud. Despite its hilarity, it had a nice ring to it. "Who else lives here?" he urged. "Me, myself and I," said Margaret simply, snickering when she saw his horrified and annoyed expression"

comedy friendship funny ghost humor longing lonliness name smile stranger weird

Rebecca McNutt

012dc40

But it is infamous that they have not told you!' declared Eustacie. 'Je n'en reviendrai jamais!' 'If it's all the same to you, miss, I'd just as soon you'd talk in a Christian language,' said Mr. Stubbs.

comedy french-language humor humour humourous humourous-quote idiocy idiotic idiots

Georgette Heyer

272ea98

Now that I had assigned myself an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing

comedy jokes stand-up steve-martin

Steve Martin

762587e

Excuse me, I must go and putt

british comedy english english-society golf putt putting

P.G. Wodehouse

93fbd3c

"Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth's awful behavior," Mandy suggested with optimism. "The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn't murdered us both yet," said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless. "Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?" Mandy questioned. "Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce," Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. "I don't know what else she likes. I've never asked her." "Well, she has to like something... doesn't everyone?" "Not her, Mandy Valems."

christmas cigarette comedy gift going-green hoiday humor lettuce miracle mother-earth murder present vegetables

Rebecca McNutt

32c062a

He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,' said the Runner. 'I am here in the execution of my dooty.

bumbling bungler bungling comedic comedy humor humorous-quotes idiot idiotic

Georgette Heyer

8c8b061

Them Frenchies!' 'Unchristian, that's what I call 'em,' responded Mr. Stubbs severely. 'I fair compassionate that wench.

comedy humor idiocy idiotic idiots moronic

Georgette Heyer