comedy

Link	Quote	Tags	Author
c856ba5	You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.	dark label comedy manipulation euphemism	J.R. Ward
2de4968	"The place is also big enough. We could all live there without killing each other." -Rhage "That depends more on your mouth than any floorplan." -Phury"	dark view-point comedy	J.R. Ward
d9384e8	And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?	harry-potter comedy dumbledore secrets	J.K. Rowling
b30ffd4	Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.	individuality inspirational comedy	Lewis Black
45149bf	I'm standing in a slaughterhouse where the cattle are begging to become hamburgers. I have a right to be jumpy.	hamburgers shattered-mirror comedy	Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
a5ef752	A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present. But you... You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!	optimistic dr-seuss comedy optimist yourself	Dr. Seuss
1426b69	I have so much hate that it has turned into love.	hate humor love comedy margaret	Margaret Cho
54e5559	"-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." --	humorous funny humor comical comedy sharp witty satire ironic	Lloyd Alexander
48e39b0	Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you. Have you given much thought to our mortal condition? Probably not. Why would you? Well, listen. There's no one alive who can say if he will be tomorrow. Our fate moves invisibly! A mystery. No one can teach it, no one can grasp it. Accept this! Cheer up! Have a drink! But don't forget Aphrodite--that's You can let the rest go. Am I making sense? I think so. How about a drink. Put on a garland. I'm sure the happy splash of wine will cure your mood. We're all mortal you know. Think mortal. Because my theory is, there's no such thing as life,	mortality death sadness happiness life cheer comedy	Anne Carson
cd7da28	Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends.	humour friendship comedy sf	Spider Robinson
30c9aee	"He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who'd ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who'd ever belonged where she hadn't. My mama warned me about guys like you. He turned to her as if he'd heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. "Hi, I'm Sophie Dempsey," she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it. His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes. "Hello, Sophie Dempsey," her worst nightmare said. "Welcome to Temptation." --	crusie comedy romance-novels	Jennifer Crusie
bedb98b	Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love. Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. Let every eye negotiate for itself, And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.	love claudio friendship-and-love comedy play	William Shakespeare
44c93c3	My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.	romance life comedy romance-movie star film movie movies	John Green
21f92ee	No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.	fantasy comedy discworld	Terry Pratchett
3e19217	"Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled."	humor comedy	Julia Quinn
b3c572d	"Invalidating a woman's life choices by saying things like, "Oh, but you'll regret it if you don't have kids," or, "I didn't think I wanted kids either until I had one," is like me going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling the newly sober that eventually when they grow old, they'll want to take the edge off with a little gin and tonic and that if they could only just be mature enough to control themselves, they could go on a fun wine-tasting tour in the Napa Valley."	kids women funny comedy	Jen Kirkman
f94540c	Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.	humor comedy-humor comedy	Steve Martin
a2c2521	That bloody bastard! That thrice accursed son of a bitch!	curses comedy	Cornelia Funke
7f7fd19	...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.	comedy teachers teacher teaching	Steve Martin
608aee9	Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?' 'Oh, rather!' 'What do you do about it?' 'I generally take a couple of cocktails.	loneliness depression sorrow humor desolation comedy alcohol-addiction emptiness	P.G. Wodehouse
d020a48	"Driving is boring," Rabbit pontificates, "but it's what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went."	comedy driving	John Updike
3b7215c	Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, there'll be an explosion. Never mind, I'll be there to collect the bits--just like an antiquary.' 'Now, there's the language of true French gallantry,' murmured Madame Vauquer in an aside to Madame Couture.	humor good-natured obliviousness comedy wit mockery	Honoré de Balzac
7a344d6	Wrinkles was her big gray cat. Sierra named him Wrinkles because when he was a little baby he had a wrinkly face. He slept in Sierra's room, but not always on the bed. Mommy said that was 'cause Wrinkles had an attitude. Most cats had attitudes, actually.	friendship comedy	Karen Kingsbury
f3629a7	"Um, thanks," Jackson told her. "And your name is...?" "I'm Margaret, Margaret Van Der Graaf," she answered with another eerie smile. Her teeth were so white that they looked bleached. "Van Der Graaf?" Jackson repeated, trying to stifle his laughter. He didn't want to be rude to the only person in sight, to this kind-hearted stranger who was offering to help him, but... Van Der Graaf? "What are you laughing at?" Margaret asked with curiosity, flashing him a calculating gaze. "I like my name. If you're going to be a jerk, then I won't help you. You can stay out here on the street through the night for all I care." "...Harsh," said Jackson, giving her a quizzical glance back. There was something 'off' about her, something that Jackson couldn't quite place, something that bordered on horrible loneliness and longing. "Who else lives here, Margaret Van Der Graaf?" He couldn't resist saying her name aloud. Despite its hilarity, it had a nice ring to it. "Who else lives here?" he urged. "Me, myself and I," said Margaret simply, snickering when she saw his horrified and annoyed expression"	funny friendship humor comedy lonliness weird stranger smile ghost longing name	Rebecca McNutt
012dc40	But it is infamous that they have not told you!' declared Eustacie. 'Je n'en reviendrai jamais!' 'If it's all the same to you, miss, I'd just as soon you'd talk in a Christian language,' said Mr. Stubbs.	humour humor french-language idiots comedy humourous-quote idiotic idiocy humourous	Georgette Heyer
272ea98	Now that I had assigned myself an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing	steve-martin stand-up jokes comedy	Steve Martin
762587e	Excuse me, I must go and putt	english-society putt putting comedy british golf english	P.G. Wodehouse
93fbd3c	"Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth's awful behavior," Mandy suggested with optimism. "The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn't murdered us both yet," said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless. "Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?" Mandy questioned. "Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce," Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. "I don't know what else she likes. I've never asked her." "Well, she has to like something... doesn't everyone?" "Not her, Mandy Valems."	present miracle murder humor going-green hoiday lettuce mother-earth comedy cigarette christmas vegetables gift	Rebecca McNutt
32c062a	He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,' said the Runner. 'I am here in the execution of my dooty.	humor bungler bungling comedic comedy bumbling idiotic humorous-quotes idiot	Georgette Heyer
8c8b061	Them Frenchies!' 'Unchristian, that's what I call 'em,' responded Mr. Stubbs severely. 'I fair compassionate that wench.	humor moronic idiots comedy idiotic idiocy	Georgette Heyer

You are a manipulator. I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.

dark label comedy manipulation euphemism

J.R. Ward

2de4968

"The place is also big enough. We could all live there without killing each other." -Rhage "That depends more on your mouth than any floorplan." -Phury"

dark view-point comedy

J.R. Ward

d9384e8

And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?

harry-potter comedy dumbledore secrets

J.K. Rowling

b30ffd4

Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.

individuality inspirational comedy

Lewis Black

45149bf

I'm standing in a slaughterhouse where the cattle are begging to become hamburgers. I have a right to be jumpy.

hamburgers shattered-mirror comedy

Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

a5ef752

A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present. But you... You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

optimistic dr-seuss comedy optimist yourself

Dr. Seuss

1426b69

I have so much hate that it has turned into love.

hate humor love comedy margaret

Margaret Cho

54e5559

"-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful." -"It was stupid." --

humorous funny humor comical comedy sharp witty satire ironic

Lloyd Alexander

48e39b0

Come here, let me share a bit of wisdom with you. Have you given much thought to our mortal condition? Probably not. Why would you? Well, listen. There's no one alive who can say if he will be tomorrow. Our fate moves invisibly! A mystery. No one can teach it, no one can grasp it. Accept this! Cheer up! Have a drink! But don't forget Aphrodite--that's You can let the rest go. Am I making sense? I think so. How about a drink. Put on a garland. I'm sure the happy splash of wine will cure your mood. We're all mortal you know. Think mortal. Because my theory is, there's no such thing as life,

mortality death sadness happiness life cheer comedy

Anne Carson

cd7da28

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends.

humour friendship comedy sf

Spider Robinson

30c9aee

"He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who'd ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who'd ever belonged where she hadn't. My mama warned me about guys like you. He turned to her as if he'd heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. "Hi, I'm Sophie Dempsey," she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it. His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes. "Hello, Sophie Dempsey," her worst nightmare said. "Welcome to Temptation." --

crusie comedy romance-novels

Jennifer Crusie

bedb98b

Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love. Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. Let every eye negotiate for itself, And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.

love claudio friendship-and-love comedy play

William Shakespeare

44c93c3

My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.

romance life comedy romance-movie star film movie movies

John Green

21f92ee

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.

fantasy comedy discworld

Terry Pratchett

3e19217

"Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled."

humor comedy

Julia Quinn

b3c572d

"Invalidating a woman's life choices by saying things like, "Oh, but you'll regret it if you don't have kids," or, "I didn't think I wanted kids either until I had one," is like me going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling the newly sober that eventually when they grow old, they'll want to take the edge off with a little gin and tonic and that if they could only just be mature enough to control themselves, they could go on a fun wine-tasting tour in the Napa Valley."

kids women funny comedy

Jen Kirkman

f94540c

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

humor comedy-humor comedy

Steve Martin

a2c2521

That bloody bastard! That thrice accursed son of a bitch!

curses comedy

Cornelia Funke

7f7fd19

...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

comedy teachers teacher teaching

Steve Martin

608aee9

Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?' 'Oh, rather!' 'What do you do about it?' 'I generally take a couple of cocktails.

loneliness depression sorrow humor desolation comedy alcohol-addiction emptiness

P.G. Wodehouse

d020a48

"Driving is boring," Rabbit pontificates, "but it's what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went."

comedy driving

John Updike

3b7215c

Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, there'll be an explosion. Never mind, I'll be there to collect the bits--just like an antiquary.' 'Now, there's the language of true French gallantry,' murmured Madame Vauquer in an aside to Madame Couture.

humor good-natured obliviousness comedy wit mockery

Honoré de Balzac

7a344d6

Wrinkles was her big gray cat. Sierra named him Wrinkles because when he was a little baby he had a wrinkly face. He slept in Sierra's room, but not always on the bed. Mommy said that was 'cause Wrinkles had an attitude. Most cats had attitudes, actually.

friendship comedy

Karen Kingsbury

f3629a7

"Um, thanks," Jackson told her. "And your name is...?" "I'm Margaret, Margaret Van Der Graaf," she answered with another eerie smile. Her teeth were so white that they looked bleached. "Van Der Graaf?" Jackson repeated, trying to stifle his laughter. He didn't want to be rude to the only person in sight, to this kind-hearted stranger who was offering to help him, but... Van Der Graaf? "What are you laughing at?" Margaret asked with curiosity, flashing him a calculating gaze. "I like my name. If you're going to be a jerk, then I won't help you. You can stay out here on the street through the night for all I care." "...Harsh," said Jackson, giving her a quizzical glance back. There was something 'off' about her, something that Jackson couldn't quite place, something that bordered on horrible loneliness and longing. "Who else lives here, Margaret Van Der Graaf?" He couldn't resist saying her name aloud. Despite its hilarity, it had a nice ring to it. "Who else lives here?" he urged. "Me, myself and I," said Margaret simply, snickering when she saw his horrified and annoyed expression"

funny friendship humor comedy lonliness weird stranger smile ghost longing name

Rebecca McNutt

012dc40

But it is infamous that they have not told you!' declared Eustacie. 'Je n'en reviendrai jamais!' 'If it's all the same to you, miss, I'd just as soon you'd talk in a Christian language,' said Mr. Stubbs.

humour humor french-language idiots comedy humourous-quote idiotic idiocy humourous

Georgette Heyer

272ea98

Now that I had assigned myself an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing

steve-martin stand-up jokes comedy

Steve Martin

762587e

Excuse me, I must go and putt

english-society putt putting comedy british golf english

P.G. Wodehouse

93fbd3c

"Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth's awful behavior," Mandy suggested with optimism. "The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn't murdered us both yet," said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless. "Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?" Mandy questioned. "Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce," Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. "I don't know what else she likes. I've never asked her." "Well, she has to like something... doesn't everyone?" "Not her, Mandy Valems."

present miracle murder humor going-green hoiday lettuce mother-earth comedy cigarette christmas vegetables gift

Rebecca McNutt

32c062a

He was not at the moment in very good odour at Bow Street. Such epithets as Blockhead and Blunderer had been used in connection with his last case. 'Jeremiah Stubbs, miss,' said the Runner. 'I am here in the execution of my dooty.

humor bungler bungling comedic comedy bumbling idiotic humorous-quotes idiot

Georgette Heyer

8c8b061

Them Frenchies!' 'Unchristian, that's what I call 'em,' responded Mr. Stubbs severely. 'I fair compassionate that wench.

humor moronic idiots comedy idiotic idiocy

Georgette Heyer