|
bbb46ec
|
You see," I explained to Joshua, "what Joy is doing is ironic, yet that's not her intent. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm." "No kidding?" said Josh. "Why do I waste my time with you?"
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
69aa146
|
It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. . .a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.
|
|
humor
|
Christopher Moore |
|
d168685
|
He shuffled along with the hang-dog look of the cosmically fucked.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
1f232ae
|
Mr. Fresh looked up. "The book says if we don't do our jobs everything could go dark, become like the Underworld. I don't know what the Underworld is like, Mr. Asher, but I've caught some of the road show from there a couple of times, and I'm not interested in finding out. How 'bout you?" "Maybe it's Oakland," Charlie said. "What's Oakland?" "The Underworld." "Oakland is not the Underworld!" "The Tenderloin?" Charlie suggested."
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
2c4fa6e
|
The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.
|
|
humor
netherworld
|
Christopher Moore |
|
7a25a98
|
You must find a place on a woman's body and live there. In the dark, the noise far away, Sam ran his hands over Calliope's body and the world of work and worry seemed to move away. He found two depressions at the bottom of her back where sunlight collected, and he lived there, out of the wind and noise. He grew old there, died and ascended to the Great Spirit, found heaven in her cheek on his chest, the warm wind of her breath across his s..
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
66859ee
|
He has the attention span of a hummingbird.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
4167881
|
Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
8a89caf
|
but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?
|
|
funny
martial-arts
|
Christopher Moore |
|
db7ff89
|
Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
2f6a285
|
Do we still have to floss?" Tommy asked. "I mean, what's the point of being immortal if we have to floss?"
|
|
you-suck
|
Christopher Moore |
|
12bdaee
|
I think I'm what they call a never-was.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
e58a453
|
Words, words, words, a million million words circle in my head like hawks, waiting to dive onto the page to rend and tear the only two words I want to write. Why me?
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
ca900e4
|
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. The key -- and this is very relevant in our case -- is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
394c055
|
You want me and I want you. right?" Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right." --
|
|
coyote-blue
|
Christopher Moore |
|
6a37a75
|
All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?
|
|
science
|
Christopher Moore |
|
cc85027
|
Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess
|
|
humor
chrisptopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
|
41a2bac
|
Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
0227522
|
That's a horrible plan." "Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that."
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
2d76b8a
|
It was watching Madeline Alby eat cheese with every ounce of her being, like it was the first and best time, that made him realize that he had never really tasted cheese, or crackers, or life. And he didn't want his daughter to live that way. He'd moved her into her own room the night before...He hadn't slept well, and had gotten up five times during the night to check on her, only to find her sleeping peacefully, but he could lose a little..
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
8a13e33
|
Adeline had come to Christianity the same way she had come to sex and smoking:through peer pressure.Thinking about her six kids and her smoker's hack, she wondered if perhaps peer pressure didn't always lead to the best habits.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
270c7f3
|
I was all, "Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now, wigga!" (I am not incline to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.) -Abby"
|
|
you-suck
|
Christopher Moore |
|
6c1a1cf
|
And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
671cca1
|
All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
ca3f106
|
I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
a756ae9
|
Will there be heinous fuckery, Pocket?
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
ce48d68
|
The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.
|
|
humor
miles-davis
jazz
|
Christopher Moore |
|
6e96820
|
Praying is talking to God. Meditating is listening.
|
|
spirituality
religion
|
Christopher Moore |
|
99a3117
|
Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security. You're always supposed to have a towel. I read about it in a guide for hitchhiking through the galaxy.
|
|
humor
|
Christopher Moore |
|
3f464fd
|
Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!"
|
|
you-suck
|
Christopher Moore |
|
3b917f7
|
It's about average for us. Behavior always draws more than survey. We're the sexy ones,' Nate said with a grin. Amy snorted. 'Oh, yeah, you guys are the Mae Wests of the nerd world.' We're action nerds,' Nate said. 'Adventure nerds. Nerds of romance.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
9508dfa
|
The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.
|
|
humor
|
Christopher Moore |
|
8323ec4
|
Cofishes-other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
f93ae39
|
We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
3ca178a
|
Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive tongue kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon toast of his soul, but then I slapped him, so he didn't think I was a slut. (Shut up, he had wood.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal
|
|
christopher-moore
|
Christopher Moore |
|
aab2eaa
|
Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
a87e58d
|
Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
811c66a
|
If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.
|
|
jonh-the-baptist
improvement
mistakes
|
Christopher Moore |
|
06d97d4
|
Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude--the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of California. The country said: "Look at them, with their fitness and their tans, their beaches and their movie stars, their Silicon Valley and silicone breasts, their orange bridge and their palm trees. God, I hate those smug, sunshiny bastards!" Because if you're up to your navel in a snowdrift in Ohio, noth..
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
bf4746d
|
I think there was always some scrawny dreamer sitting at the edge of the firelight, who had the ability to imagine dangers, to look into the future in his imagination and see possibilities, and therefore survived to pass his genes on to the next generation.
|
|
survive
|
Christopher Moore |
|
d9ce120
|
Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome"
|
|
you-suck
|
Christopher Moore |
|
a3b0b5a
|
You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
83370c9
|
Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk
|
|
|
Christopher Moore |
|
6441c4a
|
Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.
|
|
fluke
moore
thinking
|
Christopher Moore |