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d08e8c3
|
Classically, the patient went into psychotherapy because she was neurotic from the suppression of her perverse desires, now she goes into psychotherapy because she is guilty about not enjoying her perverse desires.
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psychotherapy
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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41d8571
|
If anything should take place behind closed doors, it was cruelty and betrayal.
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closed-doors
cruelty
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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6416f97
|
He had only just made the Elysian deadline; hanging onto the typescript until the last moment in case there was something still to be done; two sentences turned into one, one sentence broken into two, the substitution of a slightly resistant adjective to engender a moment's reflection, in short, the joys of editing, all carried out without forgetting the art that disguises art.
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joys-of-editing
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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de1754a
|
But then neither revenge nor forgiveness change what happened. They're sideshows, of which forgiveness is the less attractive because it represents a collaboration with one's persecutors. I don't suppose that forgiveness was uppermost in the minds of people who were being nailed to a cross until Jesus, if not the first man with a Christ complex still the most successful, wafted onto the scene. Presumably those who enjoyed inflicting cruelty..
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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9928576
|
No, no, I just meant...' Patrick felt he was coming from too many directions at once.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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e82c8a3
|
At the same time, his past lay before him like a corpse waiting to be embalmed.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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fe7b3d8
|
She tried to walk more slowly up the hill. God, her mind was racing, racing in neutral,
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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0c9e100
|
She had brushed her teeth before vomiting as well, never able to utterly crush the optimistic streak in her nature.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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6fc92a0
|
I find everything boring, therefore I'm fascinating.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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8d0f0db
|
This was it, the big moment: the corpse of his chief enemy, the ruins of his creator, the body of his dead father; the great weight of all that was unsaid and would never have been said; the pressure to say it now, when there was nobody to hear, and to speak also on his father's behalf, in an act of self-division that might fissure the world and turn his body into a jigsaw puzzle. This was it.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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f496eb9
|
All she remembered was that Caligula had planned to torture his wife to find out why he was so devoted to her. What was David's excuse, she wondered.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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feba441
|
Ninety per cent of the drugs were for him and ten per cent for Natasha, a woman who remained an impenetrable mystery to him during the six months they lived together. The only thing he felt certain about was that she irritated him; but then, who didn't?
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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c0c309a
|
Thank goodness there were people who were happy with nothing, thought Julia, so that people like her (and everyone else she had ever met) could have
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humor
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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5abf4c5
|
Anne came downstairs wearing a white cotton dress almost indistinguishable from the white cotton nightgown she had taken off.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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e242dee
|
There's a blast of palpable stupidity that comes from our host, like opening the door of a sauna. The best way to contradict him is to let him speak.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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edf7ad2
|
An image flashed across her mind of two rams flinging their heads against each other on a rocky mountainside. What did the girl rams do? Faint with pleasure? Clap their cloven hooves? Lean against some nearby boulders, with little tubs of mountain grass, discussing the battle?
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discussing
girl-rams
rams
pleasure
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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76a5921
|
I'll let you in on a little secret, Garry: everything is history. By the time you notice it, it's already happened. That famous imposter, "the present," disappears in the cognitive gap. Mind the gap!"
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present
history
past
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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89d83cd
|
In the Dodge City of romantic love, crowded with betrayal, abandonment and rejection, it was better to fire first than to take the risk of being gunned down.
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fire-first
gunned-down
romantic-love
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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2442ccb
|
In England, art was much less likely to be mentioned in polite society than sexual perversions or methods of torture.
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|
methods-of-torture
polite-society
sexual-perversions
england
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
673e576
|
The Park's nice,' his father conceded, 'but the rest of the country is just people in huge cars wondering what to eat next.
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|
humor
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
826f4d0
|
How could he relax his guard when beams of neurotic energy, like searchlights weaving about a prison compound, allowed no thought to escape, no remark to go unchecked.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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f0cad87
|
It's the hardest addiction of all,' said Patrick. 'Forget heroin. Just try giving up irony, that deep-down need to mean two things at once, to be in two places at once, not to be there for the catastrophe of a fixed meaning.
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|
irony
patrick-melrose
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
6430cc7
|
Balance was so elusive: either it was like this, too fast, or there was the heavy thing like wading through a swamp to get to the end of a sentence.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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58a225d
|
Just before the top of the hill she stopped, breathed deeply, and tried to muster her scattered sense of calm, like a bride checking her veil in the last mirror before the aisle.
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Edward St. Aubyn |
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7bdb0fb
|
made him more conscious of how little experience he had of saying what he meant.
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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cffbfd2
|
They had never met, but she had come to understand what had driven Victor's wife to seek refuge in a full set of Snoopy mugs.
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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78cbab9
|
the real failure: that he couldn't be the sort of father he wanted to be, a man who had transcended his ancestral muddle and offered his children unhaunted love. He had made it out of what he thought of as Zone One, where a parent was doomed to make his child experience what he had hated most about his life, but he was still stuck in Zone Two, where the painstaking avoidance of Zone One blinded him to fresh mistakes. In Zone Two giving was ..
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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a740b79
|
If we can't control our conscious responses, what chance do we have against the influences we haven't recognized?
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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63bfbbf
|
Patrick's own nanny was dead. A friend of his mother's said she had gone to heaven, but Patrick had been there and knew perfectly well that they had put her in a wooden box and dropped her in a hole. Heaven was the other direction and so the woman was lying, unless it was like sending a parcel.
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
20e39a3
|
Unlike the riotous appetites of adolescence, his present cravings had a tragic tinge, they were cravings for the appetites, metacravings, wanting to want.
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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d7eca5c
|
I just have to get rid of this piece of glass,' said Anne. 'I guess something broke here earlier?' 'It was me,' said Patrick.
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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265154c
|
And my heart is a handful of dust, / And the wheels go over my head, / And my bones are shaken with pain, / For into a shallow grave they are thrust, / Only a yard beneath the street,' something, something, 'enough to drive one mad.
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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45fbf8e
|
Observe Everything. Always think for yourself. Never let other people make important decisions for you.
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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a04d0fe
|
A little Indian guy being sneered at by monsters of English privilege would normally have unleashed the full weight of Anne's loyalty to underdogs, but this time it was wiped out by Vijay's enormous desire to be a monster of English privilege himself.
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|
Edward St. Aubyn |
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6fa815b
|
Talking of 'letting go of a lot of stuff,'" his father handed the phrase back to Seamus, held by the corner like someone else's used handkerchief...."
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
0cb4769
|
She liked the feeling that Maine was basically inhospitable, that it would soon shake out its summer visitors, like a dog on a beach.
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
300e349
|
No pain is too small if it hurts, but any pain is too small if it's cherished
|
|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
a9a0006
|
Other people knew what they were meant to say, knew what they were meant to mean, and other people still - otherer people - knew what the other people meant when they said it.
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
b12c430
|
Most people either felt regret at staying with someone for too long, or regret at losing them too easily. I manage to feel both ways at the same time about the same object.
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
8c2692a
|
The mess that's emerging...at least reflects the truth of my experience, the fact that every contemplation is interrupted, and that every interruption becomes further object of contemplation, and that this rhythm of delusion and revelation feels as if it's essential to the nature of consciousness considering itself.
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
ed6b4c6
|
What if memories were just memories, without any consolatory or persecutory power? Would they exist at all, or was it always emotional pressure that summoned images from what was potentially all of experience so far?
|
|
memories
past
patrick-melrose
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
ac26a46
|
a face like a creme brulee after the first blow of the spoon,
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|
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
13ae1d4
|
That was the wonderful thing about historical novels, one met so many famous people. It was like reading a very old copy of magazine.
|
|
humor
|
Edward St. Aubyn |
|
21d00d9
|
There seemed to be no one in a position of power, from the Vatican to Wall Street, from Parliament to Scotland Yard to Fleet Street, who could think of anything better to do than abuse it....
|
|
power
|
Edward St. Aubyn |