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There is something about uncleanness that asks for blood.
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Edward T. Welch |
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2676b18
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The first steps out of shame will be the hardest. These are the anti-denial steps in which we will put shame into words. You can't do battle with something nameless, and too often shame eludes accurate identification. So we will search for words that bring shame out into the open, where it can be seen and fought against.
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Edward T. Welch |
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d998f5b
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You would think that anyone would jump at the chance to escape shame. But that isn't the way it happens. Though shamed people are happy to guide others out of their dark prisons, they are always sure to get back to their own prisons by nightfall. That's home. That's what they are used to.
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Edward T. Welch |
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e15aefe
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Everything turns inward in depression. A beautiful flower momentarily catches your attention, but within seconds the focus bends back into your own misery. You see loved ones who are celebrating a recent blessing, but before you can synchronize your feelings with theirs, you have doubled back to your own personal emptiness. Like a boomerang that always returns, no matter how hard you try, you can't get away from yourself.
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Edward T. Welch |
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c12b8c8
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When we first listen to depression, we find that the misery is consuming. It doesn't point anywhere or say anything. It just is. But when we keep listening, it tells stories of loss, rejection, or other events that happened to the person. It speaks of identifiable physiological problems. It points to a culture of irony: the culture with the most peace, money, and leisure is also the one with the most malignant sadness.
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Edward T. Welch |
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8fe18fb
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Depressed people avoid people and church commitments, but they can also complain about abject isolation. The answer is to humbly accept your purpose. "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (Heb. 10:25). Churches are not perfect. How could they be when we are the church? But the Spirit is with the gathering of his people. Chur..
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Edward T. Welch |
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18500c6
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Think about the nature of depression. Life is turned inward. You already have a sense that, for all practical purposes, God is not present. Add to that your relentless condemnation and pervasive self-criticism, which have persuaded you that God doesn't love you. You couldn't be a more obvious spiritual target if you painted a bull's-eye on your chest.
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Edward T. Welch |
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c56ac40
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Shame lives in the community, though the community can feel like a courtroom. It says, "You don't belong--you are unacceptable, unclean, and disgraced" because "You are wrong, you have sinned" (guilt), or "Wrong has been done to you" or "You are associated with those who are disgraced or outcast." The shamed person feels worthless, expects rejection, and needs cleansing, fellowship, love, and acceptance."
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Edward T. Welch |
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53bb62d
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Knowing God without knowing our own wretchedness makes for pride. Knowing our own wretchedness without knowing God makes for despair.
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Edward T. Welch |
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52b61ec
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shamed people rarely take stands against injustice. Such a stand would mean they would have to go public, which would only double the shame. Instead, once we are shamed, most of us try to make sense of it by believing we are getting what we deserve. So why would we protest?
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Edward T. Welch |
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0a3ad5b
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Our fears have typically already decided that the worst is about to happen. Catastrophe is upon us and there is no hope. But "Don't be afraid," when spoken by the Lord, is a promise that the end will be different from what we predict."
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Edward T. Welch |
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d5fbb62
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Ironically, our desire to clean ourselves actually minimizes the problem of uncleanness. It assumes we can give ourselves a good enough scrubbing to get a little holy before we meet the Holy One.
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Edward T. Welch |
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e7a7d5e
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The cure for shame will always be found in how we become connected to God.
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Edward T. Welch |
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b79990d
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Try changing the subject so it is more about God than about your shame. The basic idea is to focus on the matchless worth of the Lord God and then get connected to him. For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love ..
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Edward T. Welch |
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77a84d5
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Here are some key words to go along with shame: Inferior Alienated Embarrassed Minority Ridiculed Weak Powerless Failure Different Insulted Rejected Inadequate Humiliated Ignored Loser
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Edward T. Welch |
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58ed850
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Once we get over the mild jolt to our pride--I would like my spouse to love me because she thinks I am the greatest male alive--we couldn't ask for anything better. The character of God is the basis for our connection to him, not our intrinsic worth. Self-worth, or anything we think would make us acceptable to God, would suit our pride but it has the disturbing side-effect of making the cross of Jesus Christ less valuable. If we have worth ..
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Edward T. Welch |
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c5dbd2a
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These days, shame is emerging from the shadows and beginning to have its own identity. For example, if you talk about guilt to people under thirty, you often get blank stares. But if you talk about "worthless," "failure," or "shame," they feel as if you have deciphered the core of their being. For them, shame is arguably the human problem. If the next generation is talking about it, that's a good sign, in the sense that shame may soon recei..
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Edward T. Welch |
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ceaff77
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With our touch, Jesus becomes our scapegoat. In his touch, Jesus takes our sin and absorbs our shame (Psalm 69:9; Romans 15:3), and we receive his righteousness. If you prefer symmetry in your relationships, in which you give a gift of similar value to the one you receive, you have not yet touched Jesus.
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Edward T. Welch |
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a108d66
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These words point in the right direction, but some of them, such as embarrassed, insulted, different, and ignored, can fade with time. Real shame requires more intensity. That's why the language of this next list may make you want to turn away, but it's much closer to shame. Unclean Dishonored Filthy Shunned Disgusting Defiled Outcast Unlovable Discarded Repulsive Disgraced Worthless Loathed Scorned Vile
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Edward T. Welch |
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5b57d0c
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The character of God is the basis for our connection to him, not our intrinsic worth. Self-worth, or anything we think would make us acceptable to God, would suit our pride but it has the disturbing side-effect of making the cross of Jesus Christ less valuable. If we have worth in ourselves, there is no reason to connect to the infinite worth of Jesus and receive what he has done for us.
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Edward T. Welch |
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05231ad
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What is most important is that you look away from yourself to the true God. No matter who you are or where you are from, you will be able to know him and worship him. And when you worship him, it means you are accepted into his presence.
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Edward T. Welch |
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758c190
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This is the last word. Jesus always has the last word, and it is always a good last word. It is always about him and it always takes you by surprise with his love and acceptance. What is your response? John's message is clear: worship him. What does worship him mean? It means everything. It means you turn away from the stagnant pools where you once drank. For the Samaritan woman, it meant she would align her lifestyle with his kingdom. In t..
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Edward T. Welch |
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47b8ea6
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People familiar with shame are willing to wash feet, but they are uncomfortable with other people washing their feet. They are better at serving than being served. Well, get used to being served.
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Edward T. Welch |
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The language of shame is extreme. Hear it enough and you believe it. You are told you are disgusting and unclean, and eventually you believe you are.
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Edward T. Welch |
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Though the cross and everything leading up to it violate our sensibilities and we are rightly aghast, the reality is that human beings have never liked God very much. At the cross, the nature of God was most fully revealed. As a result, human contempt was also most fully revealed and brought to a laser-like focus and intensity.
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Edward T. Welch |
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1436fc7
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We loathe worthlessness, and for good reason. We have a primal sense that we exist for something better and, indeed, we do. We are created in the King's image and created to be with him. But there is a reason we oppose worthlessness that is much darker: we want worth in ourselves, apart from our relationship with Jesus. When this other reason dominates, all the talk about the glory of the King and the reflected glory we experience as we are..
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Edward T. Welch |
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8c29f2e
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All it takes is a tradition of demeaning, critical words from the right person. All it takes is nothing from the right person. No interest in you, no words spoken to you, no love. If you are treated as if you do not exist, you will feel shame.
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Edward T. Welch |
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4bc1afa
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First we saw only our own shame. Now we see that Jesus' shame was deeper than our own, and we were among the scorners. First we saw only our own alienation and rejection. Now we see that Jesus' alienation and rejection was at the hands of the entire world, ourselves included. First we saw only contempt and self-contempt. Now we see that all human contempt was focused on Jesus--and we participated. No matter how stubbornly resistan..
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Edward T. Welch |
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c200858
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Here is what we know and where we are going. First, shame is blended into our present human condition. That doesn't mean that happiness and joy only come at the cost of massive denial. No, there can be real contentment and peace. We don't feel all of our emotions at once. But if you look deeply within yourself, you will find shame. It is part of being human. It is why hiding and covering are universal instincts. Second, we can be bold in th..
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Edward T. Welch |
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f14552c
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Shame is not a mirage. It is very real. A sexually violated woman feels contaminated by what has been done to her, and she really is contaminated. A person who has lived with rejection can't neutralize it with happy thoughts. Shame is like dirt. No matter how it happened, you are a mess and something has to be done about it. When you are dirty, there is no feel-as-if about it.
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Edward T. Welch |
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Modern spirituality has no hell, no doctrine, no substance. It is about feeling.
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Edward T. Welch |
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259663b
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For now, what things have you done that you prefer to keep private? What things in your life do you insist on keeping secret? That's where we will find the shame that is attached to what we do.
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Edward T. Welch |
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ed501a8
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Knowing Jesus Christ strikes the balance because he shows us both God and our own wretchedness.3 What do you see in your own heart?
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Edward T. Welch |
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d95e0b8
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When you have to manage the world, please everyone, earn more than you did last year, and work off five pounds, you will be driven. If not, you run the risk of being un-American or even un-Christian because our economy and churches rely on such people. Even when paralyzed by circumstances, a stressed person is a driven person.
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Edward T. Welch |
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d1a5538
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Fear" in the biblical sense is a much broader word. It includes being afraid of someone, but it extends to holding someone in awe, being controlled or mastered by people, worshipping other people, putting your trust in people, or needing people."
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Edward T. Welch |
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God's self-revelation is a higher authority than our feelings.
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fear
bible
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Edward T. Welch |
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4b90a74
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Aren't most diets, even when they are ostensibly under the heading of "health," dedicated to impressing others? The desire for the "praise of men" is one of the ways we exalt people above God."
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Edward T. Welch |
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3d7d721
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The love of God can be a profound answer to just about any human struggle, but sometimes we can use it in such a way that it becomes a watered down version of profoundly rich truth. For example, sometimes, because of shortcomings in us rather than Scripture, this answer misses the call to "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3), or it ignores personal repentance. Sometimes it still allows us and our needs to be at the center of..
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Edward T. Welch |
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40c4545
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What is shame? You are shunned. Faces are turned away from you. They ignore you, as if you didn't exist. You are naked. Faces are turned toward you.
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Edward T. Welch |
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Side by side is most suitable for helping. We
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Edward T. Welch |
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50ef200
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To look to Christ to meet our perceived psychological needs is to Christianize our lusts. We are asking God to give us what we want, so we can feel better about ourselves, or so we can have more happiness, not holiness, in our lives.
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Edward T. Welch |
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38325a0
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God, open my ears. I don't clearly hear your care and compassion when you tell me not to worry or be afraid, but I know they are there. Father, open my eyes. I act like I see all reality. I act like I can see even more than you do. But I am seeing now that there is an entire world that is blurry to me, and that world is you. It is you I don't see well. I want to trust in what you say and see the things you have revealed. That leaves me no c..
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Edward T. Welch |
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Need theories can thrive only in a context where the emphasis is on the individual rather than the community and where consumption is a way of life.
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Edward T. Welch |
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f9a3051
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Do you believe that it is impossible for the Holy God to love you and even delight in you? If so, you are believing Satan's lie that God loves you because of what you do. The truth is that he loves you because he is the God who loves, and the sacrifice of Jesus proves it. The cross of Christ expresses God's delight in all who believe, and if you believe that Jesus is the risen Lord, he delights in and loves you.
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truth
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Edward T. Welch |