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ec3052b
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Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.
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love
fromm
feeling
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Erich Fromm |
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9bd0bc0
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A person who has not been completely alienated, who has remained sensitive and able to feel, who has not lost the sense of dignity, who is not yet "for sale", who can still suffer over the suffering of others, who has not acquired fully the having mode of existence - briefly, a person who has remained a person and not become a thing - cannot help feeling lonely, powerless, isolated in present-day society. He cannot help doubting himself and..
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philosophy
psychoanalysis
psychology
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Erich fromm |
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62aaf56
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If other people do not understand our behavior--so what? Their request that we must only do what they understand is an attempt to dictate to us. If this is being "asocial" or "irrational" in their eyes, so be it. Mostly they resent our freedom and our courage to be ourselves. We owe nobody an explanation or an accounting, as long as our acts do not hurt or infringe on them. How many lives have been ruined by this need to "explain," which us..
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understanding
freedom
life
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Erich Fromm |
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4b5b400
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Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.
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Erich Fromm |
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170458e
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That millions of people share the same forms of mental pathology does not make these people sane.
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sanity
society
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Erich Fromm |
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1cd195a
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The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and t..
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understanding
love
subjective
objective
objectivity
narcissism
understanding-oneself-and-others
humility
narcissistic
selfishness
psychology
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Erich Fromm |
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78d38ff
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There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as 'moral indignation,' which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.
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virtue
hate
morality
indignation
envy
double-standards
vice
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Erich Fromm |
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adf2ae1
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Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love." Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
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love
immaturity
maturity
need
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Erich Fromm |
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1e9f771
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Modern man has transformed himself into a commodity; he experiences his life energy as an investment with which he should make the highest profit, considering his position and the situation on the personality market. He is alienated from himself, from his fellow men and from nature. His main aim is profitable exchange of his skills, knowledge, and of himself, his "personality package" with others who are equally intent on a fair and profita..
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Erich Fromm |
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224670f
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The faculty to think objectively is ; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of . To be objective, to use one's reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. Love, being dependent on the relative absence of narcissism, requires the developement of humility, objectivity and reason. I must try to see the difference betw..
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understanding
empathy
reason
love
subjective
the-art-of-loving
erich-fromm
objective
objectivity
narcissism
reasoning
conflict
humility
selfishness
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Erich Fromm |
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7f56cbf
|
The fact that millions of people share the same vices does not make these vices virtues, the fact that they share so many errors does not make the errors to be truths, and the fact that millions of people share the same form of mental pathology does not make these people sane.
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sanity
majority-view
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Erich Fromm |
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aed2af4
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Giving is the highest expression of potency. In the very act of giving, I experience my strength, my wealth, my power. This experience of heightened vitality and potency fills me with joy. I experience myself as overflowing, spending, alive, hence as joyous. Giving is more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness.
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Erich Fromm |
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f850fdf
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Modern man thinks he loses something - time - when he does not do things quickly. Yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains, except kill it.
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time
love
modern-man
quickly
waste-time
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Erich Fromm |
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39188f9
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The mature response to the problem of existence is love.
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Erich Fromm |
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9262972
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To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. Whoever insists on safety and security as primary conditions of life cannot have faith; whoever shuts himself off in a system of defense, where distance and possession are his means of security, makes himself a prisoner. To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern - and to t..
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love
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Erich Fromm |
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776bf1f
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The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
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Erich Fromm |
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0308c8c
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The more the drive toward life is thwarted, the stronger is the drive toward destruction; the more life is realized, the less is the strength of destructiveness. Destructiveness is the outcome of unlived life.
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Erich Fromm |
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9d198be
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Freedom is not a constant attribute which we either "have" or "have not." In fact, there is no such thing as "freedom" except as a word and an abstract concept. There is only one reality: the of freeing ourselves in the process of making choices. In this process the degree of our capacity to make choices varies with each act, with our practice of life."
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Erich Fromm |
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fffea83
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Our conscious motivations, ideas, and beliefs are a blend of false information, biases, irrational passions, rationalizations, prejudices, in which morsels of truth swim around and give the reassurance albeit false, that the whole mixture is real and true. The thinking processes attempt to organize this whole cesspool of illusions according to the laws of plausibility. This level of consciousness is supposed to reflect reality; it is the ma..
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Erich Fromm |
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88c0fe3
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Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one "object" of love. If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism. Yet, most people believe that love is constituted by the object, not by ..
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Erich Fromm |
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357e505
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There is nothing inhuman, evil, or irrational which does not give some comfort, provided it is shared by a group.
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religion
psychoanalysis
evil
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Erich Fromm |
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8edf6be
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The whole life of the individual is nothing but the process of giving birth to himself; indeed, we should be fully born when we die - although it is the tragic fate of most individuals to die before they are born.
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death
self-development
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Erich Fromm |
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a2f2af8
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Most people are not even aware of their need to conform. They live under the illusion that they follow their own ideas and inclinations, that they are individualists, that they have arrived at their opinion as the result of their own thinking - and that it just happens that their ideas are the same as this of the majority. (p.11)
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Erich Fromm |
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8155511
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We are a society of notoriously unhappy people: lonely, anxious, depressed, destructive, dependent -- people who are glad when we have killed the time we are trying so hard to save.
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philosophy
economics-philosophy
modern-society
consumerism
psychology
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Erich Fromm |
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2fbcc3d
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Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love say: 'i need you because I love you.
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Erich Fromm |
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0dc1ee6
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We forget that, although freedom of speech constitutes an important victory in the battle against old restraints, modern man is in a position where much of what "he" thinks and says are the things that everybody else thinks and says; that he has not acquired the ability to think originally - that is, for himself - which alone gives meaning to his claim that nobody can interfere with the expression of his thoughts."
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Erich Fromm |
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7b64ac8
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People do not see that the main question is not : "Am I loved?" which is to a large extent the question : "Am I approved of? Am I protected? Am I admired?" The main question is: "Can I love?"
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society
psychology
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Erich Fromm |
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0aa3774
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Modern capitalism needs men who cooperate smoothly and in large numbers; who want to consume more and more; and whose tastes are standardized and can be easily influenced and anticipated. It needs men who feel free and independent, not subject to any authority or principle or conscience-- yet willing to be commanded, to do what is expected of them, to fit into the social machine without friction; who can be guided without force, led without..
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Erich Fromm |
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cfd5a5d
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Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of , rather than that of , of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable. In pursuit of this aim they follow several paths. One, which is especially used by men, is to be successful, to be as powerful and rich as the social margin of one's position permits. Another, used especially by women, is to make oneself attractive, by cultivating one'..
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love
succes
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Erich Fromm |
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6655384
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We should free ourselves from the narrowness of being related only to those familiar to us, either by the fact that they are blood relations or, in a larger sense, that we eat the same food, speak the same language, and have the same " common sense." Knowing men in the sense of compassionate and empathetic knowledge requires that we get rid of the narrowing ties of a given society, race or culture and penetrate to the depth of that human re..
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Erich Fromm |
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4cc7e7d
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Man's happiness today consists in "having fun." Having fun lies in the satisfaction of consuming and "taking in" commodities, sights, food, drinks, cigarettes, people, lectures, books, movies--all are consumed, swallowed. The world is one great object for our appetite, a big apple, a big bottle, a big breast; we are the sucklers, the eternally expectant ones, the hopeful ones--and the eternally disappointed ones."
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Erich Fromm |
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07db567
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Education is identical with helping the child realize his potentialities. The opposite of education is manipulation, which is based on the absence of faith in the growth of potentialities and the connection that a child will be right only if the adults put into him what is desirable and suppress what seems to be undesirable.
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Erich Fromm |
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1e4076a
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One is not loved accidentally; one's own power to love produces love - just as being interested makes one interesting. People are concerned with the question of whether they are attractive while they forget that the essence of attractiveness is their own capacity to love. To love a person productively implies to care and to feel responsible for his life, not only for his physical existence but for the growth and development of all his human..
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care
love
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Erich Fromm |
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2a909f7
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Critical and radical thought will only bear fruit when it is blended with the most precious quality man is endowed with - the love of life
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Erich Fromm |
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0a37de1
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Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence. Only in this 'central experience" is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis for love. Love, experienced thus is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together...they are one with each other by being..
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Erich Fromm |
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9aeec94
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We may know ourselves, and yet even with all the efforts we make, we do not know ourselves. We know our fellowman, and yet we do not know him, because we are not a thing, and our fellowman is not a thing. The further we reach into the depths of our being, on someone else's being, the more the goal of knowledge eludes us.
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Erich Fromm |
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51604f6
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The frightened individual seeks for somebody or something to tie his self to; he cannot bear to be his own individual self any longer, and he tries frantically to get rid of it and to feel security again by the elimination of this burden: the self.
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individuation
the-self
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Erich Fromm |
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0943a4b
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Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a "standing in," not a "falling for." In the most general way, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving."
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Erich Fromm |
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0586eb3
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To be loved because of one's merit, because one deserves it, always leaves doubt; maybe I did not please the person whom I want to love me, maybe this, or that - there is always a fear that love could disappear.
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love
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Erich Fromm |
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d410e89
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Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellow men, which unites him with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isolation and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, to retain his integrity.
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Erich Fromm |
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a489706
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The pleasure in complete domination over another person (or other animate creature) is the very essence of the sadistic drive. Another way of formulating the same thought is to say that the aim of sadism is to transform man into a thing, something animate into something inanimate, since by complete and absolute control the living loses one essential quality of life - freedom.
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Erich Fromm |
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93d6712
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There is no meaning to life except the meaning man gives his life by the unfolding of his powers.
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Erich Fromm |
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3614972
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If the meaning of life has become doubtful, if one's relations to others and to oneself do not offer security, then fame is one means to silence one's doubts. It has a function to be compared with that of the Egyptian pyramids or the Christian faith in immortality: it elevates one's individual life from its limitations and instability to the plane of indestructability; if one's name is known to one's contemporaries and if one can hope that ..
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freedom
philosophy
modern-relationships
western-culture
society
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Erich Fromm |
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baf39c1
|
Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but moving, growing, working together; even when there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves. There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit b..
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psychology
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Erich Fromm |