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In TIME June 7, 2010
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writers-groups
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Garrison Keillor |
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WE DEMOCRATS are deeply flawed people, but we do stick to our guns, and believe in decency and public spiritedness and have refused to hitch our wagon to yahooism and intolerance and have supported government as a necessary force for good to "establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty . . ."
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Garrison Keillor |
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They did not weave their lives around yours. They had their own lives, which were mysterious to you.
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Garrison Keillor |
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Do you think it's right for Christians to use the names of pagan gods for the days of the week?
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Garrison Keillor |
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Woman: Did you know that women are smarter than men? Man: No, I didn't. Woman: See what I mean?
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Garrison Keillor |
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I just sort of slid into it, like you'd go for a walk in the woods and fall into a crevasse and wind up in a cave full of rubies and emeralds.
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Garrison Keillor |
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The teacher was asking her students what their parents did for a living, and Timmy stood up and said, "My daddy's a doctor and my mommy's a doctor too." And little Sarah stood up and said, "My mommy's an engineer and my daddy's an accountant." And then little Billy stands up and says, "My mommy's a writer and my daddy plays the piano in a whorehouse." The teacher was horrified and later she called Billy's father, and said, "Why would you ev..
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Garrison Keillor |
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Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known
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Garrison Keillor |
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How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? How many therapists do you think it takes to change a lightbulb?
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Garrison Keillor |
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He takes a kitchen chair and sits in the yard and all the ducks come around. He holds up the cheese curls in one hand and caramel popcorn in the other and his audience looks up and he tells them a joke. He says: So one day a duck come into this bar and ordered a whiskey and a bump and the bartender was pretty surprised, he says, "You know we don't get many of you ducks in here." The duck says, "At these prices I'm not surprised.* And he tos..
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Garrison Keillor |
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How many pessimists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind. Nobody would get the joke anyway.
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Garrison Keillor |
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What's another word for "thesaurus"?"
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Garrison Keillor |
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How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
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Garrison Keillor |
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The Union is what needs defending this year. Government of Enron and by Halliburton and for the Southern Baptists is not the same as what Lincoln spoke of. This gang of Republicans has humbugged us to death on terrorism and tax cuts for the comfy and school prayer and flag burning and claimed the right to know what books we read and to dump their sewage upstream from the rest of us and clear-cut the forests and gut the IRS and promote the c..
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conservatives
flag-burning
privatization
republicans
school-prayer
tax-cuts
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Garrison Keillor |
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was asking what the difference was between mime and pantomime and no one would say.
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Garrison Keillor |
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tragic Powell, the Company Man Who Could Have Been Great, who was offered the mantle by all the polls but deferred to the Boss's Callow Son and vouched for him,
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Garrison Keillor |
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The top 1% holds nearly half of the financial wealth, the greatest concentration of wealth of any industrialized nation, more concentrated than at any time since the Depression. In 1980, on average, CEOs earned 42 times the salary of the average worker, and these days they earn about 476 times that salary. Since 1980, the rich have been getting richer fast and furiously and hard-working people in the middle are sliding down the greasy slope..
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Garrison Keillor |
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That's what high school does for you: gives you some art and music and history so that even if you spend your life raising kids and writing computer programs, still there was a time when you argued about the First Amendment and talked about the Civil War and read Romeo and Juliet.
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Garrison Keillor |
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We are one country, and I remain a proud Unionist, happy to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" and pledge allegiance, sing about the amber waves of grain, wish I was in the land of cotton, pick my teeth with a carpet tack, be in the kitchen with Dinah, hate to see the evening sun go down, take myself out to the ball game, walk that lonesome valley, and lean on the everlasting arms. I love this country. This is one of those simple dumb discover..
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Garrison Keillor |
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smake saa god vaer saa god du er saa snille mange takk mange mange takk.
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Garrison Keillor |
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Good old Norwegian cooking: you don't read much about that, or about good old Norwegian hospitality.
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Garrison Keillor |
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He (coach) looks for size, speed being rare among Norwegians and Germans, and for malleability or what he calls attitude.
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Garrison Keillor |
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The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles.
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Garrison Keillor |
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
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Garrison Keillor |
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I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
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Garrison Keillor |
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There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.
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Garrison Keillor |
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I think the most un-American thing you can say is, "You can't say that."
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Garrison Keillor |
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In electronic publishing, they're are no editors and if their are there not very good.
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Garrison Keillor |
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I want to resume the life of a shy person.
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Garrison Keillor |
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It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town, out on the edge of the prairie...
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Garrison Keillor |