8de1f92
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Usually the space was dotted with people getting high, getting higher, or wondering why they werent high yet.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
15d4ff6
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Bodies need poison. Withdrawals without it. Toxin-free airs a killer.
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toxins
poison
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
391e52a
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In the winter everyones hate was bare if you looked. She saw hate in the icicles that hung from her window; she saw it in the dirty slush on the streets; she heard it in the hail that scratched her window and bit her face; she could see it in the lowered heads hurrying to warm homes ...
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
f38381c
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an event of such prodigious proportions and importance that it infused her with a new will to live and materialized a dream that brightened her days and soothed her lonely nights.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
a9d73a4
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There was a problem and that was that. Why didnt make a fiddlers fuck.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
c9d48d3
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You see, you have feelings. You can appreciate the inner me. Like right now I feel a closeness between us that Ive never felt with anyone before ... anyone. Yeah, I know what you mean. Thats how I feel. I don't know if I can put it into words, but-- Thats just it, it doesnt need words. Thats the whole point. Like whats the use of all those words when the feelings arent behind them. Theyre just words. Like I can look at a painting and tell i..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
ba486b3
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Like if youre beautiful you dont feel pain or have dreams or know the despair of loneliness. Why should you be unhappy, youre so beautiful? My God they drive me nuts, like all I am is a beautiful body and nothing else. Not once, never, have they ever tried to love the real me, to love me for what I am, to love me for my mind.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
fb36c72
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Its hopeless. Thats why you cant be worried about the world. Theyll just do you in anyway. You cant depend on them because sooner or later theyll turn on you or just disappear and leave you there alone.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
585ed52
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It makes tomorrow alright.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
0f71d97
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It/ll be better tomorrow...
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positivity
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
9b69e8e
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He looked at the houses he had been passing these weeks and though he had never studied them carefully they had become familiar through the process of seeing them so often, and he was now impressed with the change in their appearance as he looked at them through the gray of the air and whiteness of the snow, each house, shrub, tree, bush and mailbox trimmed with snow and blending into the air as if they were just a picture projected upon th..
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solitude
silence
song
snow
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
0741647
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I guess we're kindred souls and that's why we can feel so close to each other.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
f9e4b03
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A guy needs something to give his life a reason or what's the point of living?
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
33e9714
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The natives knew better than to screw around with Tarzan. He was one bad dude. Lions, rhinos, just him and his knife. Great penthouse and elevator. Wouldnt last long in Brooklyn. Busted for indecent exposure. Me Tarzan you Judge. That is absolutely correct, and you are going to do sixty days. Try dressing as Beau Brummel the next time. Next case!
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indecent-exposure
tarzan
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
2530aae
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Sometimes it seems to stand still. Like youre in a bag and you cant get out and somebodys always telling you that it will get better with time and time just seems to stand still and laugh at you and your pain. ... And then eventually it does break and its six months later. Like you just got your summer clothes out and then its Christmas and inbetween there are ten years of pain.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
423a1ed
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All that summer and fall she painted, mornings, afternoons, evenings, then walked around the streets that were still echoing the music of the masters, and every stone, every pebble seemed to have a life and reason of its own and she somehow felt, though vaguely, a part of that reason. Some nights she would sit in the cafe with other young artists and poets and musicians and who knows what else, drinking wine and talking and laughing and dis..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
6028e2f
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They laughed and put their arms around each other and kissed, first gently, then more passionately, and Harry pulled his face back a few inches and looked lovingly at Marion, I love you, and kissed her on the tip of her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, then her soft lips, her chin, her neck, her ears, then nuzzled his face in her hair and caressed her back with his hands and breathed her name in her ear, Marion, Marion, I love you, and she ge..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
b74df39
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Yes, he could walk forever. He could so easily continue to walk and all thoughts of death would fall away, absorbed by the silent snow. [...] And then he heard it, very faintly at first, but distinct just the same. He heard the snow falling gently through the air, each flake sounded distinctly different, yet just as each fell unhindered by another, so their sound did not clash or interfere with each other, but blended into a snow song that ..
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enlightenment
joy
timelessness
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
e8713b5
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This book is dedicated, with love, to Bobby, who has found the only pound of pure- Faith in a Loving God.
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love
overcoming-addiction
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
d757e73
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Marion and Alice were all for not using and so all went to sleep that night with a grim resolve. They got up about noon, smoked a joint with their coffee, feeling good about the fact that they werent giving any thought to not using, and sat around for a while, watched a little television, talked about maybe eating something, but not really feeling like it, then sort of moped around thinking and talking about the various things that should b..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
0533c29
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He looked down at the street, and the unbroken whiteness, and watched his foot touch the snow and listened to the slight crunching sound as he stepped forward. He looked back at his footprints. They were fascinating. He had been the only one to walk along this street today. There wasn't even the mark of a dog or squirrel, or the scratch of a bird. He continued through the soft, silent snow, a feeling of peace starting to flow through him, h..
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solitude
snow
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
310ec0b
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Harry looked into her eyes, then at her face and gently glided the tip of a finger over her cheek and traced the outline of her nose, his face and eyes in a soft and tender smile, You could really make my life worth while. A guy needs something to give his life a reason or whats the point of living? I need more than the streets. I don't want to be a floating crap game all my life. I want to be something ... anything.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
7a12a95
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Tony sat in the only chair, a large, overstuffed, ripped and torn chair that had huge wings that made it look as if it was going to close itself around Tony and somehow swallow and digest him and he would end up on a shelf somewhere in the dark and dusty corner of a secondhand furniture store staring back at the cat sitting on the floor staring up at him, a not-for-sale sign hanging from his chest.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
ac26133
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They drank a few glasses of soda after eating their pie and grooved behind the dope and the waitress and giggled and scratched for a while, then dropped another dexie, got a couple of containers of coffee, and split and continued toward Miami and the connections. They were quiet for a while, listening to the music and feeling warm and secure with the dope and the future, each smiling inwardly thinking about the end of their problems and the..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
f16b602
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he suddenly swerved in the other lane and there was the screeching of brakes and screams and curses and he gave them all the finger out the window and continued to weave his way through the traffic, giving his perpetual finger to the horn blowers as he pounded his own, and yelling to them, What else ya get fa Christmas besides a new horn,
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
ae89bff
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Then suddenly it was gray and windy and cold and rainy and then the sleet and snow came and even if you could find the sun it seemed to have lost its warmth. From time to time Marion fiddled with a sketch pad, but her hand seemed to be moving the pencil while the rest of her was completely detached from the action. Occasionally they would attempt to resurrect their enthusiasm for the coffee house, and their other plans, but for the, most pa..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
36ac6a1
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She a nice lady ol auntie ... but ol moms was somethin else, she really somethin else. Harrys eyes were closed and he was leanin back remembering how his mother always protected him from the cold wind in the winter when he was a kid, and how warm she felt when he got in the house and she hugged the cold out of his ears and cheeks and always had a bowl of hot soup waiting. ... Yeah, I guess the old lady was pretty groovy too. I guess its a b..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
88b8890
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THE SUN WAS DOWN which made it night time, but Harry and Tyrone were bugged with all the lights that stabbed and slashed and skewered their eyeballs. They hung tough behind their shades. Daytime is a drag, when the sun is shining, the sunlight bouncing off windows and cars and buildings and the sidewalk and the goddamn glare pushing on your eyeballs like two big thumbs and you look forward to the night when you can get some relief from the ..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
953a99c
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and they continued their lovemaking until the dawns early light started seeping through the shades and curtains and the heat of their love-making cooled in the warmth of the sun and they were suddenly, and completely, asleep.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
5a35de7
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Harry and Tyrone were holding out a little more on each other each day. If one guy somehow got caught short and his nose and eyes were running and his body shivering as they scuffled and hustled the street trying to cop, and asked the other one to give him a taste, the guy swore up and down he had nothing, that he had just done in his cottons, and he would start shaking, trying to fake his friend out.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
03a32b8
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A little orange? Ada kept nodding as she stared in the mirror at Saras reflection, Yeah, it looks like it could be, maybe, a little orange. A little orange? Its a little orange like being a little bit pregnant. Ada shrugged again. So whats to worry? Itll be alright. Whats to worry? Someone may try to juice me. Relax, relax, dolly. It just needs a little more dye. Itll be alright for the television. I look like a thermometer. Thats what I lo..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
f2a1930
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When she got home she got off and any disquieting feelings were immediately dissolved by the heroin and she didnt even bother bathing, that could wait until morning. She just stretched out on her couch, in front of her television, ignoring the smell from her body and lips, thinking over and over that Big Tim was right, this is good stuff. That taste will last a long time. She smiled to herself. And theres more where that came from, and no o..
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
39b871f
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It seems to me that we all have a dream of our own, our own personal vision, our own individual way of giving, but for many reasons we are afraid to pursue it, or to even recognize and accept its existence. But to deny our vision is to sell our soul. Getting is living a lie, turning our back on the truth, and Visions are glimpses of the truth: Obviously nothing external can truly nurture my inner life, my Vision.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
d155b72
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Harry just blinked and shook his head, bewildered, and went with the flow. Sara looked at her son, her only child, with a tangible earnestness, the grin and grinding gone, replaced with a plea that softened her eyes and calmed her voice, Its not the prizes Harry. It doesn't make any difference if I win or lose or if I just shake hands with the announcer. Its like a reason to get up in the morning.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
4da0b60
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NOW THE SHIT REALLY hit the fan. It must have hit something because it sure as hell wasnt floating around the city. There no longer was any thought, or even desire, to make money, but just an unending effort to get enough for themselves. Some days it was a case of just copping enough for right now and then going out again to take care of the rest of the day and have that wake up shot nice and secure. And the streets were getting tougher.
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Hubert Selby Jr. |
e8a0fad
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He flowed deeper and deeper into himself, wrapped in the comforting strength of hate.
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Hubert Selby, Jr. |
6318f30
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A little sleep and then a little wakefulness. Then a slipping to some soothing place in between.
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Hubert Selby, Jr. |
82e3726
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They had all they needed. They had the madness of pain.
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Hubert Selby, Jr. |
ee400b4
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I guess I had fun. But not enough to stay.
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Hubert Selby, Jr. |
4f5258d
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There was a sense of security in old, familiar feelings in spite of their discomfort.
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Hubert Selby, Jr. |
ef97585
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There is nothing worse than a cultural barbarian with pretensions.
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Hubert Selby, Jr. |