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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Joan Rivers |
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Catchphrase:] Can we talk?
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Joan Rivers |
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Catchphrase:] Oh, grow up!
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Joan Rivers |
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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Joan Rivers |
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."
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Joan Rivers |
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Joan Rivers |
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Never floss with a stranger.
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Joan Rivers |
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It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.
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Joan Rivers |
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Two is company; three is fifty bucks.
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Joan Rivers |
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Looking fifty is great--if you're sixty.
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Joan Rivers |
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Joan Rivers |
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Joan Rivers |
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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Joan Rivers |
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My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
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Joan Rivers |
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You know you are getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Joan Rivers |