|
1fc624a
|
Kissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolf-- he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was...oh, it was really something.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
28544ef
|
You'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this by this time tomorrow." "Bored and pissed off? God, I hope not."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
11ecb2e
|
I suppose I should say something negative about vampires living in sin," Father Markus said, "but that seems to be the least of your problems."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
1f8bc0d
|
Zombieland reference," Jon said, nodding. "How do you know that? That's a thousand-year-old reference!" I looked at laura. "I can't think of a single movie from a thousand years ago." "Uh...Betsy..." "Don't say it." You know how you don't know how stupid something is until you hear yourself say it? That happened to me a lot."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
4a08643
|
Delk shifted in his chair, the arrow point never wavering. "What do you want?" "Oh, the usual.World peace, a pair of Christian Louboton heels, a perfect wedding."
|
|
inspirational
motivating
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
d14adcf
|
Interesting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy.... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
0201e11
|
Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
6ec6f08
|
friends are such a mixed blessing.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
e2795a5
|
Oh my God", Marc rhapsodized. "Who is that ?" "An asshole," I mumbled, turning back to him and picking up my tea. I was so rattled I sloshed some of the hot liquid on my hand, but I didn't feel a thing. "He's coming over here !" Marc squealed. "Oh my God, oh my God, ohmyGod!" "Will you get a hold of yourself?" I hissed. "You sound like a girl with a crush. Ah-ha!"
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
4558fdd
|
Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening." I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
435af48
|
The vampire bible, bound in human skin, written in blood, and full of prophecies that were never wrong. Trouble was, if you read the thing too long, it drove you nuts. Not "I'm having a bad day and feel bitchy" nuts or PMS nuts. "I think I'll commit felony assault on my friends and rape my boyfriend" nuts."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
ab33241
|
you just never knew when a totally normal vampire errand would end in a bloodbath with severed-limb soap.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
9a02632
|
I fucking hate tomato juice! It's like drinking red snot.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
50e7718
|
Fred coughed, which caused Sam and Ellie to look over at her. "Hey, Ellie. Watch this." Mentally apologizing to her oldest friend, Fred seized Jonas by the shirt collar and heaved him out of his chair and through the (fortunately open) sliding door. Jonas was densely built ("Deliciously so," Dr. Barb might have said over the sound of Fred's retching), but no match for Fred's hybrid strength, and the air velocity he achieved was really quite..
|
|
sundae
throwing-friends-out-doors
tossing
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
7daf53d
|
What can I say? Death is messy. And she had it coming.
|
|
revenge
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
3e61d04
|
It was scary how much she sounded like me sometimes. Maybe that's why she totally got on my nerves
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
801e08f
|
Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a life.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
99f7300
|
and who are you, anyway?" "I'm Tina." "Thank goodness!" I said so loudly she stepped back. "No silly-ass overdone names for you, m'girl." "It's short for Christina Caresse Chavelle." "Well, you did the best you could."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
e238901
|
Getting back to the issue of the child," Tina said, harshing our buzz as visual, "I really think you should reconsider. He--" The phone rang. She picked it up, glanced at the caller ID. "We're kind of busy," I said, a little sharply. The phone was a whole thing between Tina and me. "But--" "If it's important, they'll call back." "But it's your mother." I practically snarled. The phone, the fucking phone! People used it the way they used to ..
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
b38967c
|
I mean, not that I killed her just to get the car, or anything.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
90f1c7c
|
I can't believe your boss tried to kill you, too," Jessica said. "I mean, I know they're trying to keep the unemployment rate down, but that's ridiculous." "Most people think their bosses are out to get them. But mine really was!"
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
71aef6d
|
Don't look at his groin. Don't look at his groin. Don't mention that he doesn't have a vagina, so 'we' is bullshit. This is not the time to mention your pet peeve about expectant fathers talking how 'we' are having a baby. Don't. Don't.
|
|
humor
pet-peeves
pregnancy
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
124bf44
|
What the hell was it about e-mail that made everybody forget the stuff they learned in second grade, like capitalizing I and proper names, and using periods? Hello? We all learned how to do this less than five years out of diapers!
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
e15fbb4
|
Have you lost your teeny tiny mind, you too-tall, too-skinny, too-crazy jerk?" "Oh, look who's talking, Miss Let's Blunder Around the Time Stream and Hang the Consequences! Thanks to you, we've got a dead Marc and a live Marc in the same timeline . . . in the same house! Thanks to you, I got chomped on by a dim, blonde, undead, selfish, whorish, blood-sucking leech when I was minding my own business in the past." "Don't you call me dim!" "U..
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
2dce795
|
What it comes down to is this, Betsy: you do what you need to, and then you haul ass out of there. Every single time.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
a9be0aa
|
Somehow, when I wasn't looking, somehow because it's electronic mail, none of the basic grammar rules applied.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
74fb1f8
|
Crying's okay while it lasts, but you can only do it for so long. And it's weird to do it when you apparently can't make tears anymore (did this mean I wouldn't pee or sweat, either?). Anyway, eventually you're done, and you have to figure out what to do next.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
1d6b968
|
Eric came to Macy's? Did he burst into flames the moment he passed the first cash register?
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
96b89a6
|
So you're a vampire?" "Yes. But don't be scared. I'm still a nice person."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
8994c96
|
It's Privacy, Please, for the Penguins.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
6b7f4ea
|
A grumpy vampire is a homicidal vampire. Hungry ones were even worse.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
a4b225c
|
Quit doing your game show host schtick, Marc," I ordered. "You're confusing the vampires. They're not big TV watchers." "Certainly not daytime television," Sinclair sniffed."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
fb5f5a5
|
if hanging with other vamps means I have to go the whole movie cliche route, then forget it. Cemeteries? Acolytes? Partying in chilly mausoleums? Yuck-o. Also, nobody wears a tux this time of year unless they're going to a wedding. You look like an escapee from the set of Dracula Does Doris.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
7f332ed
|
I turned. Tall, Dark, and Sinister was rapidly approaching.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
00e2296
|
You know, they did let you have that room," I said. "In fact, I think they're assuming you'll use it, as opposed to lingering in strange hallways." She responded to me with, "Girl, I am bored outta my tits." "Can we have one cross-country quest without talking about your tits?" Her pretty dark eyes went narrow and thoughtful, and she caressed her cheek with a long fingernail colored jack-o'-lantern orange. After a thoughtful pause, she shoo..
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
81c1e88
|
Honestly. Do guys really think that will fool us? 'Whoa, hi there, John. Gosh, for a second there I thought you were going bald, but I see now that you have a full, lush head of hair. Which grows sideways from left to right in sticky strands. Have I ever been this sexually excited? I think not.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
c7bdaed
|
It's a long story. Prepared to be regaled.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
362848f
|
A vampire? How ith that pothible? I died in a car ackthident, for God'th thake! Aw, thon of a bith!
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
dea986c
|
Leave it to a vampire to think a healthy guy in his late thirties or early forties was on his deathbed.
|
|
vampires
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
5bdfacf
|
How's your grandpa?" "Still worried that your blackness will infect me." "That's the plan. First you, then all the other blondes, and then on to brunettes and redheads. Once we have the womenfolk, all the babies will come out black, too. We all voted on the plan at the last Black Conspirators meeting."
|
|
racism
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
c313bae
|
George paid for college by working for Cutco. Cutco is a company that makes and sells knives. Their salespeople go door-to-door. George Pinkman talked his way into peoples' homes with a big bag of knives and sold them potential murder weapons. Do I have to add that he was their top salesman three years running? I do not.
|
|
george
knives
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
1fd812d
|
there wasn't a damned thing I could say without coming off like a mega-bitch. And it wasn't even nine o'clock. I wanted to put off mega-bitchery until noon at least. Or save it for George. George! The perfect person to take my pissiness out on. I'd do what people all over the world did--take my domestic problems to work and punish the innocent with my inability to be in an adult relationship. That's the first time in the history of George t..
|
|
george
innocent
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
538a598
|
Okay. And you'll, uh, make sure he doesn't hurt anybody when he's, you know, nutty and out of his mind with blood lust?" For the next ten years? Liam winced (well, he blinked), but Sophie soldiered on. "My queen, I have experience in these matters. Guarding young vampires--I--all will be as you wish." Yeah, right. That'd be a fucking first."
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |
|
edcc412
|
Look, nobody's trying to kill me right now and that's just fine. If they don't like me, that's just how it goes. I got over needing people to LIKE me in tenth grade, when I spied the captain of the cheerleading squad on her knees in front of the offensive line of the football team under the bleachers, one day after school. I figured that wasn't the life for me.
|
|
|
MaryJanice Davidson |