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3b25123
|
Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size.
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Maureen Johnson |
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82ed8ce
|
Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this.
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humor
monkeys
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Maureen Johnson |
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7b4581f
|
I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with
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Maureen Johnson |
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926a6e2
|
One person's crazy is another person's sane, I guess.
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Maureen Johnson |
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e064000
|
It's always easier to say good-bye when you know it's just a prelude to hello.
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Maureen Johnson |
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e519340
|
You can never visit the same place twice. Each time, it's a different story. By the very act of coming back, you wipe out what came before.
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Maureen Johnson |
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483a395
|
I decided to deflect her attitude by giving a long, Southern answer. I come from people who know how to draw things out. Annoy a Southerner, and we will drain away the moments of your life with our slow, detailed replies until you are nothing but a husk of your former self and that much closer to death.
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young-adult
shades-of-london
the-name-of-the-star
southerners
ya
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Maureen Johnson |
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6c06802
|
And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.
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Maureen Johnson |
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6456d71
|
Maybe you've never fallen into a frozen stream. Here's what happens. 1. It is cold. So cold that the Department of Temperature Acknowledgment and Regulation in you brain gets the readings and says, "I can't deal with this. I'm out of here." It puts up the OUT TO LUNCH sign and passes all responsibility to the... 2. Department of Pain and the Processing Thereof, which gets all this gobbledygook from the temperature department that it can't u..
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the-jubilee-express
maureen-johnson
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Maureen Johnson |
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98e9eb8
|
Rule #1: You may bring only what fits in your backpack. Don't try to fake it with a purse or a carry-on. Rule #2: You may not bring guidebooks, phrase books, or any kind of foreign language aid. And no journals. Rule #3: You cannot bring extra money or credit/debit cards, travelers' checks, etc. I'll take care of all that. Rule #4: No electronic crutches. This means no laptop, no cell phone, no music, and no camera. You can't call home or c..
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Maureen Johnson |
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1043298
|
Keep calm and carry on. Also, stay in and hide because the Ripper is coming.
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Maureen Johnson |
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c386ef4
|
I'm Keith," he said, "and you're . . . clearly mad, but what's your name?"
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Maureen Johnson |
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0c01701
|
Tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.
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Maureen Johnson |
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8a1e912
|
The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.
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the-key-to-the-golden-firebird
|
Maureen Johnson |
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4d59576
|
Stuart must have sensed my despair from the way I began lightly banging my forehead on the table.
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Maureen Johnson |
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e6464c8
|
Salt. Wound. Together at last.
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Maureen Johnson |
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289993b
|
Welsh is an actual, currently used language and our next-door neighbors Angela and Gaenor spoke it. It sounds like Wizard.
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Maureen Johnson |
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bd1e72e
|
There is nothing about a bad situation that fourteen hyper cheerleaders can't worsen.
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Maureen Johnson |
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db95b07
|
I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
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sarcasm
|
Maureen Johnson |
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0cafe22
|
She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H "hers"? It could just as easily be "his". Or "Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All"
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Maureen Johnson |
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8bd4981
|
Tell me what you want, what you really, really want," he said. "Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison."
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zombie-spice-girls
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
0f19ba7
|
I followed your footsteps," he said, in answer to the unspoken question. "Snow makes it easy." I had been tracked, like a bear. "Sorry to make you go to all that trouble," I said. "I didn't have to go that far, really. You're about three streets over. You just kept going in loops." A really inept bear."
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|
winter
tracking
winnie-the-pooh
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
59b6d88
|
We study there a lot because... what other choice does society give us, right? It's Starbucks or death, sometimes.
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|
|
Maureen Johnson |
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62d090f
|
Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.
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the-jubilee-express
maureen-johnson
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
b34c19a
|
I am a mass of contradictions.
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|
|
Maureen Johnson |
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a54e285
|
It's always awkward when someone doesn't realize you're joking and devotes thought time to what you've said. Double that when the person is wearing tinfoil.
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|
Maureen Johnson |
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bfe1389
|
Clio realized.
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|
|
Maureen Johnson |
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d9841a2
|
Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
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|
humor
love
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
735f131
|
I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
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|
Maureen Johnson |
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cc5192d
|
This pool is a triumph of imagination. That's how you win at life, Gin. You have to imagine your way through. Never say something can't be done. There's always a solution, even if it's weird.
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inspirational
intriguing
guidance
|
Maureen Johnson |
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e2765c2
|
When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash," he said. "They were disgusting." Ginny always thought that the only way of getting clothes clean was by drowning them in scalding water and then whipping them around in a violent centrifugal motion that caused the entire washing machine to vibrate and the floor to shake. You beat them clean. You made them s..
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humour
humor
ginny
keith
|
Maureen Johnson |
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93ca856
|
Go see old virgins! Now ask a strange boy out, you shy, Retarded thing!
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Maureen Johnson |
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89ceef8
|
What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked. It was a good question."
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Maureen Johnson |
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2cc912c
|
I can sleep like a champion. I once slept through a smoke alarm going off. For three hours.
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Maureen Johnson |
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74fa596
|
There is no normal. I've never met a normal person. The concept is flawed. It implies that there is only one way people are supposed to be, and that can't possible be true. Human experience is far too varied.
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Maureen Johnson |
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8826cf0
|
Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
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Maureen Johnson |
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0ba9662
|
And what else is she?" Jerome asked. Jazza didn't offer any reply so I chimed in with, "A bitchweasel?" "A bitchweasel!" Jazza's face lit up. "She's a bitchweasel! I love my new roommate."
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Maureen Johnson |
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a1124ed
|
It was like the entire world was colluding to make me feel insane, and it was doing a really good job.
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|
the-name-of-the-star
rory
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
4fb1d8d
|
Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.
|
|
funny
shades-of-london
maureen-johnson
awkward
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
09f9537
|
The whole "weak in the knees" thing,which she always thought was just some idiotic expression back from the golden age of idiotic expressions,was real. -Suite Scarlett"
|
|
|
Maureen Johnson |
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9e9f097
|
It was clearly one of those mornings when I was particularly American.
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|
Maureen Johnson |
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84aed5d
|
Were you playing with Stuart?" she asked. The question was loaded. I was a filthy, filthy woman, and even the five-year-old knew it."
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|
Maureen Johnson |
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3c2a443
|
The hand that rested on my shoulder rubbed it a bit, comfortingly. Then it gave my shoulder a little squeeze. I leaned into him. Maybe it was that I was broken. Maybe it was just that I was out of my mind. But it occurred to me that I was going to kiss him. The thought just arrived, certain knowledge, delivered from some greater, more knowledgeable place. I was going to kiss him. Stephen would not want to kiss me. He would back up in horror..
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|
callum-mitchell
stephen-dene
rory-deveaux
|
Maureen Johnson |
|
17993bd
|
Even though she had been warned, she tripped over the bike. She probably tripped because she'd been warned and was telling herself not to trip over the bike. She did that sometimes. It was often easier not to know what obstacles were in the way.
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|
Maureen Johnson |