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42a4236
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Nor should a man necessarily hold a door for a woman, unless it is a revolving door. It's not good manners to hold a revolving door, but it is lots of fun when other people are trapped inside.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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38eedc3
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Political pundits are under professional obligation to regard the obvious as being too obvious.
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politics
punditry
pundits
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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b941b53
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Americans appreciate bad taste or America wouldn't look the way America does.
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bad-taste
taste
americans
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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5a5fc49
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She's wrong about absolutely everything, but she's wrong within normal parameters.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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3dc8d08
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A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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f3d550d
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Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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77c3d10
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Never serve oysters during a month that has no paycheck in it.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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c5e0288
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Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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6c5716f
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There's only one secret to bachelor cooking -- not caring how it tastes.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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e658041
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You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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ba89782
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Every generation finds the drug it needs.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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6a0d7d6
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Fishing ... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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be69a92
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Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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5cf026a
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Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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cb3cba6
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Industrialization came to England but has since left.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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c1f5fd8
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The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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bd8272c
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Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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9f41a3b
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Earnestness is just stupidity sent to college.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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4eccfdf
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Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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badc5cf
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Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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48aa8f6
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Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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ce9ff90
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The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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b82bbe6
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The Italians have had two thousand years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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5492392
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There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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5972006
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War will exist as long as there's a food chain.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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7cfec26
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What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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8ad6b2f
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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8e1361e
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You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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b974063
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Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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1b36c96
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Advocating the expansion of the powers of the state is treason to mankind, goddamnit!
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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451bd26
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Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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101abed
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Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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002593f
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Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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6cea766
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It's hard to come back from the Balkans and not sound like a Pete Seeger song.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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8b2d776
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One thing that's certain about going outdoors: When you come back inside, you'll be scratching.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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e366e53
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People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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61c9f92
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Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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2363f43
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Somalia is so bad that making a mess improves the place.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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5fc6067
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The typical old-fashioned diet was so bad it almost resembled modern dieting.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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ef213ca
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Two key rules of Third World travel: 1. Never run out of whiskey. 2. Never run out of whiskey.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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538bb50
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War is a great asshole magnet.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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bd9e526
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When a thing defies physical law, there's usually politics involved.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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6ef1ab7
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Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.
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P. J. O'Rourke |
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8bdfa2a
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Chapter Three: The Horror! The Horror!
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P. J. O'Rourke |