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599415e
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In order to be a writer, "Maugham continues: "one must take chances and not be afraid to look foolish. I wrote The Razor's Edge while wearing a paper hat...."
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Woody Allen |
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d3d28f1
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Mrs. Sol Schwimmer is suing me because I made her bridge as I felt it and not to fit her ridiculous mouth! That's right! I can't work to order like a common tradesman! I decided her bridge should be enormous and billowing, with wild, explosive teeth flaring up in every direction like fire! Now she is upset because it won't fit in her mouth! She is so bourgeois and stupid. I want to smash her! I tried forcing the false plate in but it sticks..
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Woody Allen |
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f198d4e
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If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
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Woody Allen |
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539aa86
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UFOs are back in the news, and it is high time we took a serious look at the phenomenon. (Actually the time is ten past eight, so not only are we a few minutes late but I'm hungry).
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Woody Allen |
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57c0707
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David: And you think it can just evaporate? Even if at one time they loved one another? Marx: That's one of the sad truths of existence. Nothing in this world is permanent. Even the characters created by the great Shakespeare will, in millions of years, cease to exist--when the universe runs its course and the lights go out.
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love
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Woody Allen |
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6b73cc3
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
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Woody Allen |
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002a0b0
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On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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Woody Allen |
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38d4bad
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Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
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Woody Allen |
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5a22248
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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Woody Allen |
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8f63b68
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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Woody Allen |
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b83e657
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
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Woody Allen |
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ca912cd
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Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
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Woody Allen |
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758e75e
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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Woody Allen |
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4594f13
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The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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Woody Allen |
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de4bdd3
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Change is death.
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Woody Allen |
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717a837
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Death is like a colonoscopy, the problem is that life is like the prep day.
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Woody Allen |
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9bedf50
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I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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Woody Allen |
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bc91378
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Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
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Woody Allen |
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5f36648
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It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune.
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Woody Allen |
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06477bc
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Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.
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Woody Allen |
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f2aab73
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Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
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Woody Allen |
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1790385
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
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Woody Allen |
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d647c94
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My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
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Woody Allen |
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3b230cb
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I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.
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Woody Allen |
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408e08b
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Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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Woody Allen |
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f6bb4bc
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Woody Allen |
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fcafe6e
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What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do.
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Woody Allen |
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e1d5dbf
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
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Woody Allen |
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d74a4d5
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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Woody Allen |
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cfadfa8
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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Woody Allen |
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71f7e48
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.
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Woody Allen |
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30dd657
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I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.
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Woody Allen |
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b2f9c7f
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Taste my tuna casserole -- tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
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Woody Allen |
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7717549
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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Woody Allen |
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71be146
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I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.
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Woody Allen |
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1a0dd96
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I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.
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Woody Allen |
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3f7dcc8
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years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
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Woody Allen |
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f50fe66
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Harry: Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
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Woody Allen |
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974899c
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Harry: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
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Woody Allen |
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ed6c403
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Harry: All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
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Woody Allen |
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cc85c53
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A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.
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Woody Allen |
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5b41415
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I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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Woody Allen |
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87cb9ed
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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Woody Allen |
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4a2d5d4
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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Woody Allen |