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908ea7e
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shq rmntykh chyzy st khh m r dywnhwr bh jstwjw mykhshd t shrykh zndgy khwd r pyd khnym, hmn ykh nfr khh dygr nyz tmmy rtbThy jtm`y r bry m brawrdh mykhnd w khfy st!!!
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Alain de Botton |
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eab9cca
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Tendemos a nos apegar a uma nocao fixa das emocoes, como se existisse uma linha entre amar e nao amar que pudesse ser cruzada somente duas vezes, no inicio e no fim de um relacionamento, em vez de transposta minuto a minuto.
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Alain de Botton |
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4d97775
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For most of our lives, sex seems fated to remain steeped in longing and awkwardness. Whatever the manuals may promise, there are really no solutions to the majority of the dilemmas sex creates for us.
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Alain de Botton |
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e96095f
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E um sinal de que duas pessoas tenham parado de amar uma a outra (ou pelo menos parado de desejar fazer o esforco que constitui noventa por cento do amor)quando nao sao mais capazes de transformar diferencas em piadas.
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Alain de Botton |
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44adcca
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There is no necessary connection between the concepts of home and of prettiness; what we call a home is merely any place that succeeds in making more consistently available to us the important truths which the wider world ignores, or which our distracted and irresolute selves have trouble holding on to.
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Alain de Botton |
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c708a5a
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Alice loved in order to make up for her own insufficiencies, she searched in others for qualities she aspired to, respected but lacked. Her emotional needs were like a puzzle incomplete without a segment brought by another but the dimensions of the void altered in response to self-development, the piece which fitted at fifteen would no longer fit at thirty. The gap redrew its contours, and unless the puzzle-person kept up she would be left ..
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Alain de Botton |
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0b5f6c4
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While mourning the number of missed opportunities, we have no reason to abandon a belief in the ever-present possibility of moulding circumstances for the better.
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Alain de Botton |
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ade40cb
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A marriage doesn't begin with a proposal, or even an initial meeting. It begins far earlier, when the idea of love is born, and more specifically the dream of a soul mate.
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marriage-love
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Alain de Botton |
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b79591b
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We would ideally remain able to laugh, in the gentlest way, when we are made the special target of a sulker's fury. We would recognise the touching paradox. The sulker may be six foot one and holding down adult employment, but the real message is poignantly retrogressive: 'Deep inside, I remain an infant, and right now I need you to be my parent. I need you correctly to guess what is truly ailing me, as people did when I was a baby, when my..
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Alain de Botton |
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4c45583
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At the end of seven hundred and twelve pages of this manuscript,' he had reported, 'after innumerable griefs at being drowned in unfathomable developments and irritating impatience at never being able to rise to the surface - one doesn't have a single, but not a single clue of what this is about. What is the point of all this? What does it all mean? Where is it all leading? Impossible to know anything about it!
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Alain de Botton |
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710aaf2
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Expecting to find the answer, we find only the duplicate of our own problem.
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Alain de Botton |
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81ebceb
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Biriyle yuz yirmi yil bir arada yasasak,bize ne dusundugumuzu sorsalar,onun karmasik kisiliginin hakkini vermemiz ve "Onu henuz tanimaya basladim" diye yanitlamamiz gerekir.Ancak bunun yerine,biriyle tanistiktan iki dakika sonra bir izlenim olusur zihnimizde: "Ondan hoslandim/ Ondan hoslanmadim".Biyolojik bir ihtiyacin ilkel kalintisidir bu tepki;magara adami,birisiyle karsi karsiya geldiginde onun dost mu dusman mi oldugunu bir bakista anl..
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Alain de Botton |
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3bbceed
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For Proust, an injection of jealousy is the only thing capable of rescuing a relationship ruined by habit.
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relationships
marcel-proust
long-term-relationships
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Alain de Botton |
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acf4f26
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Why is this painful journey so indispensable to the acquisition of true wisdom?...It is as if the mind were a squeamish organ that refused to entertain difficult truths unless encouraged to do so by difficult events. "Happiness is good for the body," Proust tells us, "but it is grief which develops the strengths of the mind." These griefs put us through a form of mental gymnastics which we would have avoided in happier times. Indeed, if a g..
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Alain de Botton |
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e6d6ba1
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Humboldt's early biographer, F.A. Schwarzenberg, subtitled his life of Humboldt What May Be Accomplished in a Lifetime. He summarised the areas of his subject's extraordinary curiosity as follows: '1) The knowledge of the Earth and its inhabitants. 2) The discovery of the higher laws of nature, which govern the universe, men, animals, plants, minerals. 3) The discovery of new forms of life. 4) The discovery of territories hitherto but imper..
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travel
philosophy
accomplish-the-impossible
alexander-von-humboldt
explorers
scientists
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Alain de Botton |
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c0727cd
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Philosophy had supplied Socrates with convictions in which he had been able to have rational, as opposed to hysterical, confidence when faced with disapproval. That
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Alain de Botton |
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b21f276
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Once a partner has begun to lose interest, there is apparently little the other can do to arrest the process. Like seduction, withdrawal suffers under a blanket of reticence. The very breakdown of communication is hard to discuss, unless both parties have a desire to see it restored. This leaves the lover in a desperate situation. Honest dialogue seems to produce only irritation and smothers love in the attempt to revive it. Desperate to wo..
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love
partner
sad
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Alain de Botton |
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48a042b
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Public opinion is the worst of all opinions.
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Alain de Botton |
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d1ffb35
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In an ideal world, marriage vows would be entirely rewritten. At the altar, a couple would speak thus: "We accept not to panic when, some years from now, what we are doing today will seem like the worst decision of our lives. Yet we promise not to look around, either, for we accept that there cannot be better options out there. Everyone is always impossible. We are a demented species." After the solemn repetition of the last sentence by the..
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Alain de Botton |
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c489457
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It seems easier to respond to our enthusiasms by trading in facts than by investigating the more naive question of how and why we have been moved
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Alain de Botton |
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a933224
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At the heart of the pain created by sexual rejection is our habit of interpreting it as a moral judgement, when it might more accurately be categorized as a mere accident. We can start to break free from this torture by recognizing that the evenings that don't work out are really just a minor species of bad luck. The
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Alain de Botton |
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ca875b2
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Nature puts us all in our places. Being made to feel small isn't something we welcome when it's done to us by another person, but to be apprised of our essential nothingness by something so much greater than ourselves is in no sense humiliating. Our egos, exhaustingly aware of every slight they receive and prone relentlessly to compare their advantages with those enjoyed by others, may even be relieved to find themselves finally humbled by ..
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Alain de Botton |
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fbe7d3a
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Does what is praised becomes better? Does an emerald become worse if it isn't praised? And what a gold, ivory, a flower or a little plant?
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Alain de Botton |
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1a6070d
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Every year, humanity produces some 30,000 films, 2 million books and 100,000 albums, and 95 million people visit a museum or art gallery.
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Alain de Botton |
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8226d2f
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When we suspect that we are appropriate targets for hurt, it does not take much for us to believe that someone or something is out to hurt us
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self-knowledge
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Alain de Botton |
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e3dce79
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How logical, then, that we should as adults find ourselves rejecting certain candidates not because they are wrong but because they are a little too right - in the sense of seeming somehow excessively balanced, mature, understanding and reliable - given that, in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign and unearned. We chase after more exciting others, not in the belief that life with them will be more harmonious, but out of an unconscious ..
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Alain de Botton |
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2276172
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To grow interested in any piece of information, we need somewhere to 'put' it, which means some way of connecting it to an issue we already now how to care about.
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categorization
information
interest
organization
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Alain de Botton |
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57a1fc7
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Yet we can perhaps only ever fall in love without knowing quite who we have fallen in love with. The initial convulsion is necessarily founded on ignorance. Love or simple obsession?
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Alain de Botton |
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7bb2d87
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Then I noticed a small plate of complimentary marshmallows near Chloe's elbow and it suddenly seemed clear that I didn't love Chloe so much as marshmallow her. What it was about a marshmallow that should suddenly have accorded so perfectly with my feelings towards her I will never know, but the word seemed to capture the essence of my amorous state with an accuracy that the word love, weary with overuse, simply could not aspire to. Even mor..
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Alain de Botton |
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9a2e6bb
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In a world beset by fundamentalists of both believing and secular varieties, it must be possible to balance a rejection of religious faith with a selective reverence for religious rituals and concepts.
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Alain de Botton |
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c37adac
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If our lives are dominated by a search for happiness, then perhaps few activities reveal as much about the dynamics of this quest - in all its ardur and paradoxes - than our travels. They express, however inarticulately, an understanding of what life might be about, outside the constraints of work and of the struggle for survival.
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Alain de Botton |
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78c3572
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Wanting to sound like other people has its temptations. There are inherited habits of speech guaranteed to make us sound authoritative, intelligent, worldly, appropriately grateful, or deeply moved.
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Alain de Botton |
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dae066b
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We need long train journeys on which we have no wireless signal
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Alain de Botton |
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29a4ede
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Rejection hurts so much because we take it as a damning judgement passed not merely on our physical appeal but on our entire selves, and by extension (at this stage we're crying into our pillow, as something by Bach or Leonard Cohen plays on the stereo) on our very right to exist. 2.
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Alain de Botton |
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cabb5e5
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m byshtr z ynkhh ngh rmntykh bh wqy` dshth bshym, Glb z trykhy zyd dr rnjym. m byshzHd nsbt bh mshkhlt w by`dlty jhn aghy drym w bh Trz ntwnkhnndh dr brbr anh Hss D`f w khwchkhy mykhnym.
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Alain de Botton and John Armstrong |
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f120f38
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Maturity means acknowledging that Romantic love might only constitute a narrow and perhaps rather mean-minded aspect of emotional life, one principally focused on a quest to find love rather than to give it, to be loved rather than to love. Children may end up being the unexpected teachers of people many times their age, to whom they offer--through their exhaustive dependence, egoism, and vulnerability--an advanced education in a wholly new..
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Alain de Botton |
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0d94056
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To be mature is, we're told, to move beyond possessiveness. Jealousy is for babies. The mature person knows that no one owns anyone.
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maturity
possessiveness
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Alain de Botton |
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55adefa
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we would not reliably assent to reproduce unless we first had lost our minds.
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relationships
philosophy
schopenhauer
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Alain de Botton |
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5e928b3
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It has provided not only physical but also psychological sanctuary. It has been a guardian of identity. Over the years, its owners have returned from periods away and, on looking around them, remembered who they were.
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Alain de Botton |
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2ea40de
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The word power typically signifies a capacity for action. The Oxford English Dictionary tells us power lies in an 'ability to do or effect something or anything, or to act upon a person or thing'. The person who has power may influence the material or social environment, generally on the basis of possessing high-tech weapons, money, oil, superior intelligence or large muscles. In war, I am powerful because I can blow up your city walls or d..
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Alain de Botton |
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e1d3041
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We should add: it is a privilege to be the recipient of a sulk; it means the other person respects and trusts us enough to think we should understand their unspoken hurt. It is one of the odder gifts of love. Eventually
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Alain de Botton |
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a1bba6a
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Despite the liberal atmosphere of our time, it would be naive to assume that the distinction between "weird" and "normal" has disappeared. It stands as secure as ever, waiting to intimidate and herd back into line those who would question the normative limits of love and sex. It may now be deemed "normal" to wear cutoff shorts, expose belly buttons, marry someone of either gender, and watch a little porn for fun, but it also remains indispe..
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Alain de Botton |
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c87c523
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But seriously, if you asked most people whether they believed in love or not, they'd probably say they didn't. Yet that's not necessarily what they truly think. It's just the way they defend themselves against what they want. They believe in it, but pretend they don't until they're allowed to. Most people would throw away all their cynicism if they could. The majority just never get the chance.
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Alain de Botton |
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7ad8dea
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It was a symbol of what Ruskin had done for Proust, and what all books might do for their readers, namely bring back to life, from the deadness caused by habit and inattention, valuable yet neglected aspects of experience.
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Alain de Botton |