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0f81897
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The moment hung in time like a drop of honey from a spoon, heavy, golden.
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Gail Honeyman |
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57d1cfc
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LOL could go and take a running jump. I wasn't made for illiteracy; it simply didn't come naturally.
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Gail Honeyman |
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4848561
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Obscenity is the distinguishing hallmark of a sadly limited vocabulary.
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Gail Honeyman |
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fffd129
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She had tried to steer me towards vertiginous heels again - why are these people so incredibly keen on crippling their female customers? I began to wonder if cobblers and chiropractors had established some fiendish cartel.
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Gail Honeyman |
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ef2d214
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You've made me shiny, Laura," I said. I tried to stop it, but a little tear ran down the side of my nose. I wiped it away with the back of my hand before it could dampen the ends of my new hair. "Thank you for making me shiny."
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Gail Honeyman |
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824e2cc
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There was nothing to tempt me from the choice of desserts, so I opted instead for a coffee, which was bitter and lukewarm. Naturally, I had been about to pour it all over myself but, just in time, had read the warning printed on the paper cup, alerting me to the fact that hot liquids can cause injury. A lucky escape, Eleanor! I said to myself, laughing quietly. I began to suspect that Mr. McDonald was a very foolish man indeed, although, ju..
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Gail Honeyman |
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552b0cf
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Your voice changes when you're smiling, it alters the sound somehow.
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Gail Honeyman |
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d20dba2
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I'm not sure I'd like to be burned. I think I might like to be fed to zoo animals. It would be both environmentally friendly and a lovely treat for the larger carnivores. Could you request that?
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Gail Honeyman |
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e949f43
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No thank you," I said. "I don't want to accept a drink from you, because then I would be obliged to purchase one for you in return, and I'm afraid I'm simply not interested in spending two drinks' worth of time with you."
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Gail Honeyman |
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3c26ffc
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You can't protect other people, however hard you try.
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Gail Honeyman |
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07f5789
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I feel sorry for beautiful people. Beauty, from the moment you possess it, is already slipping away, ephemeral. That must be difficult.
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Gail Honeyman |
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80d60dd
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I took one of my hands in the other, tried to imagine what it would feel like if it was another person's hand holding mine. There have been times where I felt that I might die of loneliness.
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fiction
woman-fiction
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Gail Honeyman |
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f36edcf
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I suppose one of the reasons we're all able to continue to exist for our allotted span in this green and blue vale of tears is that there is always, however remote it might seem, the possibility of change.
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Gail Honeyman |
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ad5c3a5
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Free-form jigging, communal shapes in the air; Dancing was easy!...YMCA! YMCA! Arms in the air, mimicking the letters - what a marvelous idea! Who knew that dancing could be so logical? ...From my limited exposure to popular music, people did seem to sing about umbrellas and firstarting and Emily Bronte novels, so, I supposed, why not a gender-and faith-based youth organization?
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songs
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Gail Honeyman |
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baecb19
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There was, it seemed, no Eleanor-shaped social hole for me to slot
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Gail Honeyman |
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be1aba0
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I pondered what else I should take for him. Flowers seemed wrong; they're a love token, after all. I looked in the fridge, and popped a packet of cheese slices into the bag. All men like cheese.
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funny
humor
eleanor-oliphant
gail-honeyman
gift
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Gail Honeyman |
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de6e45c
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Some people, weak people, fear solitude. What they fail to understand is that there's something very liberating about it; once you realize that you don't need anyone, you can take care of yourself. That's the thing: it's best just to take care of yourself.
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Gail Honeyman |
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741d8a0
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But, by careful observation from the sidelines, I'd worked out that social success is often built on pretending just a little. Popular people sometimes have to laugh at things they don't find very funny, do things they don't particularly want to, with people whose company they don't particularly enjoy. Not me. I had decided, years ago, that if the choice was between that or flying solo, then I'd fly solo. It was safer that way.
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Gail Honeyman |
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ee5d94b
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I felt like a newly laid egg, all swishy and gloopy inside, and so fragile that the slightest pressure could break me.
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Gail Honeyman |
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0b6670d
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I do exist, don't I? It often feels as if I'm not here, that I'm a figment of my own imagination. There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thin, spun sugar. A strong gust of wind could dislodge me completely, and I'd lift off and blow away, like one of those seeds in a dandelion clock.
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Gail Honeyman |
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21c7d26
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She looked at him with so much love that I had to turn away. At least I know what love looks like, I told myself. That's something. No one had ever looked at me like that, but I'd be able to recognize it if they ever did.
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love
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Gail Honeyman |
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52520ad
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Grief is the price we pay for love, so they say. The price is far too high. The
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Gail Honeyman |
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18dc1e3
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Janey was planning a short engagement, she'd simpered, and so, of course, the inevitable collection for the wedding present would soon follow. Of all the compulsory financial contributions, that is the one that irks me most. Two people wander around John Lewis picking out lovely items for themselves, and then they make other people pay for them. It's bare-faced effrontery. They choose things like plates, bowls and cutlery-I mean, what are t..
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Gail Honeyman |
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f1a76d8
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It's SpongeBob, Eleanor," he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as though I were some sort of idiot. "SpongeBob SquarePants?" A semi-human bath sponge with protruding front teeth! On sale as if it were something completely unremarkable! For my entire life, people have said that I'm strange, but really, when I see things like this, I realize that I'm actually relatively normal."
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Gail Honeyman |
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8371581
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I had no idea how to respond, and opted for a smile, which serves me well on most occasions (not if it's something to do with death or illness, though -- I know that now.)
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funny
humor
eleanor-oliphant
gail-honeyman
smile
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Gail Honeyman |
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fe9d895
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I had to google "mofo" and must confess to being slightly alarmed by the result."
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Gail Honeyman |
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8ae6b69
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It turned out that if you saw the same person with some degree of regularity, then the conversation was immediately pleasant and comfortable -- you could pick up where you left off, as it were, rather than having to start afresh each time.
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Gail Honeyman |
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93720af
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Three words, Ignis aurum probat. "Fire tests gold." The rest of the phrase: ". . . and adversity tests the brave."
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Gail Honeyman |
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7208957
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If I'm ever unsure as to the correct course of action, I'll think, "What would a ferret do?" or, "How would a salamander respond to this situation?" Invariably, I find the right answer."
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Gail Honeyman |
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67c521d
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realized that such small gestures - the way his mother had made me a cup of tea after our meal without asking, remembering that I didn't take sugar, the way Laura had placed two little biscuits on the saucer when she brought me coffee in the salon - such things could mean so much.
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Gail Honeyman |
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020443a
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There must be some piece of wiring left over in our brains, from our ancestors, something that means we can't help but stare into a fire, watch it move and dance, warding off evil spirits and dangerous animals . . . that's what fire's supposed to do, isn't it?
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Gail Honeyman |
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458faf9
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A woman who knew her own mind and scorned the conventions of polite society. We were going to get along just fine.
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Gail Honeyman |
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ef88575
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I feel sorry for beautiful people. Beauty, from the moment you possess it, is already slipping away, ephemeral. That must be difficult. Always having to prove that there's more to you, wanting people to see beneath the surface, to be loved for yourself, and not your stunning body, sparkling eyes or thick, lustrous hair. In most professions, getting older means getting better at your job, earning respect because of your seniority and experie..
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Gail Honeyman |
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c630de1
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Did you enjoy yourself?' I asked. 'Mmm,' he said. 'It was fun, wasn't it?' He wasn't using a knife, but held a fork in his right hand like a child or an American. He smiled.
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Gail Honeyman |
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e7c6c2a
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Was this how it worked, then, successful social integration? Was it really that simple? Wear some lipstick, go to the hairdressers and alternate the clothes you wear?
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Gail Honeyman |
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ca10147
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I was in a fast-food restaurant for the first time in my adult life, an enormous and garish place just around the corner from the music venue. It was mystifyingly, inexplicably busy. I wondered why humans would willingly queue at a counter to request processed food, then carry it to a table which was not even set, and then eat it from the paper? Afterward, despite having paid for it, the customer themselves are responsible for clearing away..
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Gail Honeyman |
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2263bd9
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Nine years, and you've never had a day off sick, never used all your annual leave. That's dedication, you know. It's not easy to find these days." "It's not dedication," I said. "I simply have a very robust constitution and no one to go on holiday with."
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Gail Honeyman |
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c0e3f55
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My phone doesn't ring often--it makes me jump when it does--and it's usually people asking if I've been mis-sold Payment Protection Insurance. I whisper I know where you live to them, and hang up the phone very, very gently.
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Gail Honeyman |
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3f54f67
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The streets were all named after poets - Wordsworth Lane, Shelley Close, Keats Rise - no doubt chosen by the building company's marketing department. They were all poets that the kind of person who'd aspire to own such a home would recognize, poets who wrote about urns and flowers and wandering clouds. Based on past experience, I'd be more likely to end up living in Dante Lane or Poe Crescent.
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Gail Honeyman |
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2ec04f1
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I was a human woman, no more and no less.
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Gail Honeyman |
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09fde6d
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How brave are you prepared to be, Eleanor?" Laura asked. This was the correct question. I am brave. I am brave, courageous, Eleanor Oliphant."
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Gail Honeyman |
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8ed49bf
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It was too hot inside the hospital and the floors squeaked. There was a hand-gel dispenser outside the ward, and a big yellow sign above it read Do Not Drink. Did people actually drink sanitizing hand gel? I supposed they must--hence the sign. Part of me, a very small sliver, briefly considered dipping my head to taste a drop, purely because I'd been ordered not to. No, Eleanor, I told myself. Curb your rebellious tendencies. Stick to tea, ..
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Gail Honeyman |
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5e0830b
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I have always enjoyed reading, but I've never been sure how to select appropriate material. There are so many books in the world--how do you tell them all apart? How do you know which one will match your tastes and interests?
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Gail Honeyman |
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92711d2
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It wasn't that you could take them for granted, as such - heaven knows, nothing can be taken for granted in this life - it was simply that you would know, almost unthinkingly, that they'd be there if you needed them, no matter how bad things got.
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unconditional-love
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Gail Honeyman |