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627cd82
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I think this man might actually possess supernatural powers. He makes people lose their minds and I'm sure some of them do lose bladder control as well." "I see. And who is this author" "Neil Fucking Gaiman." "His second name is Fucking?" "No Leif that's the honorary second name all celebrities are given by their fans. It's not an insult it's a huge compliment and he's earned it."
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Kevin Hearne |
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d0362d7
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As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time. You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can't understand what it means until you've read a few chapters and your eyes are glazed over and someone has to revive you with a defibrillator.
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tricked
kevin-hearne
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Kevin Hearne |
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1f4f9f9
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Atticus:"I found it difficult not to grin like a geek at a Trekkie convention." --
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Kevin Hearne |
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999dcb1
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I wanted to say, "I'm the Doctor and this is my companion," but I doubted Sophie was a fan of the long-running BBC series. Forget the TARDIS and the sonic screwdriver, the Doctor's best gadget was the psychic paper. I can't tell you how many times I wished I had some."
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Kevin Hearne |
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c0536a1
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You don't need to say any special incantation or sacrifice a stray cat or something first?
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laksha
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Kevin Hearne |
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dbf4e16
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Careful with that ego, you could knock somebody over." Atticus"
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Kevin Hearne |
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a6a61ef
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Sometimes I forget what I look like and I do something out of character, such as sing shepherd tunes in Aramaic while I'm waiting in line at Starbucks, but the nice bit about living in urban America is that people tend to either ignore eccentrics or move to the suburbs to escape them.
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Kevin Hearne |
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213a1f5
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Sweet Honey of Dagda, now I was babbling.
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Kevin Hearne |
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0d9941e
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What I'd truly been avoiding was love, the strongest binding there is, and the pain that scrapes at your insides when the bond is forcefully broken.
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Kevin Hearne |
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f697b25
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I just starred at him like he was trying to sell me the Sham-wow and the Slapchop for only $19.99
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Kevin Hearne |
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393c9a5
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Do Angels have assholes?" Atticus O'Sullivan - Hexed"
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Kevin Hearne |
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cc02abe
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And there were carved hearts in the trunks of trees with the initials of couples who felt there was no more romantic thing they could do to celebrate their love than scar the local plant life
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nature
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Kevin Hearne |
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a33a34c
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Douglas Adams was right: There is nothing so massively useful in the universe as a towel.
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Kevin Hearne |
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82eb3d5
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we banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
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Kevin Hearne |
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d0069d8
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Saint Lassie smiles upon me! It's Coyote, with a bag of goodies.
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Kevin Hearne |
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39e5e78
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Three gods, two Druids, and a selkie walk into a bar ...
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Kevin Hearne |
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ab720e3
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Usually I try to suppress any emotions that savor of regret, because they are invariably aperitifs to a main course of depression, and for the long-lived, that's a recipe for suicide. But that doesn't mean they can't sneak up on me sometimes. And, like, gang-tackle me.
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Kevin Hearne |
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21ac482
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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia it and then we'll talk.
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Kevin Hearne |
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1a35034
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Falling in love is like that: you always feel like a dumbass at some point, even if you know it's coming -- it's unavoidable.
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love
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Kevin Hearne |
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eb1bacd
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Oh, I know. They're dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they're not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they're "little people," I'm sorry! Can't believe I have to be politically correct when you're the only one who can hear me."
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humor
oberon
dog
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Kevin Hearne |
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08718b9
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Bring it,muthafuckas.Bring it.
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Kevin Hearne |
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a92fad5
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No, she knows you're here. She can see through the camouflage. But I think she's hiding something from me, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Never mind. Just listen. Once she drinks the tea, she will try ot surprise me with something. She is waiting for the contrast to be fully in effect before she says anything. I knew I never should have let you watch The Wizard of Oz.
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Kevin Hearne |
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53bb5fa
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I know that when ye think o' love you're supposed to think o' kissy faces and scented soap and hummin' happy songs together, but there's another vital part to it that people rarely admit to themselves: We want somebody to rescue us from other people. From talking to them, I mean, or from the burden of giving a damn about what they say. We don't want to be polite and stifle our farts, now, do we? We want to let 'em rip and we want to be with..
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Kevin Hearne |
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0adc380
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I dislike guilt." the Morrigan said." it is regret and recrimination and despair over that which cannot be changed. It is like eating ashes for breakfast. It is the whip that clerics use on the laity, making the sheep slaves to whatever moral code the shepherds espouse. it is a catalyst for suicide and untold other acts of selfishness and stupidity. I cannot think of a more poisonous emotion!" ... "Why do you bother to feel it?" Atticus: ..
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Kevin Hearne |
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94ffe9a
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Look, I don't know what you are, but you're more than a geologist, if you are one at all. I've met lots of geologists on different projects like this, and they're all tiny sunburned men with fetishes for geodes. They wear floppy hats and carry baggies for soil samples around with them. ... And geologists don't make rocks disappear like you did the other night. They keep them and build little shrines to them.
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science
geologists
geologist
geology
scientists
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Kevin Hearne |
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30470e2
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Thunder gods don't hide." The Russian shrugged. "I am not like Thor. I have Russian depth of character. And I like to help people, not hurt them. Usually I help with vodka. You want some?"
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Kevin Hearne |
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fe343ae
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So this means you're spoiling me right?" Can't Help it. You're the best hound ever. Oberon's tail thumped a few times and his mouth partially opened, seeming to smile at me."
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Kevin Hearne |
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165f31e
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I gladly shucked off my wet, muddy jeans and put on the new pair. I noticed she hadn't bought me any underwear; Granuaile either didn't think of it or she did think of it and decided that I should go commando. I tore open the package of undershirts and gingerly pulled a black one over my head before tucking it into my jeans. Though I was now dressed in similar fashion to Coyote, I figured he could keep the cowboy hat and I'd rock the tattoo..
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Kevin Hearne |
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8dc85ab
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paranoia was my standard operating procedure.
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Kevin Hearne |
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b8be25b
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Dude is that was a Shakespeare quote duel, he just kicked your ass." Oberon I know, but I slipped in some T.S.Eliot and he didn't even catch it. Hopefully next time I wont be recovering from an assassination attempt, and then I'll do better. - Atticus"
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Kevin Hearne |
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cff2346
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Are you going to kick somebody's ass? I don't know. Maybe. Well, I'm not going to worry. I've watched you spar with that martial arts dummy in the backyard lots of times, and you always win. Thanks, buddy. I'll see you soon.
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humor
oberon
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Kevin Hearne |
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a82fc2c
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Did Genghis Khan take his coffee black?" Oberon asked me. After my bathtime story, he wanted to be the Genghis Khan of dogs. He wanted a harem full of French poodles, all of whom were named either Fifi or Bambi. It was an amusing habit of his: Oberon had, in the past, wanted to be Vlad the Impaler, Joan of Arc, Bertrand Russell, and any other historical figure I had recently told him about while he was getting a thorough cleansing. His Libe..
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oberon
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Kevin Hearne |
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dab59e6
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I am Snugglepumpkin. Hear me roar
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humor
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Kevin Hearne |
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7dd1671
|
Occasionally I am smitten with an acute case of Smug. It can happen to anyone, but it happens most often to people who think they've been especially clever.
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Kevin Hearne |
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6f36cf5
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Is monstrous fuckpuddle,' Perun asserted, and everyone turned to stare at him with equal parts amusement and bemusement. 'What? Is this not English word?' I suggested that if it wasn't a word, it should be, and the others agreed.
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Kevin Hearne |
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8b8eefc
|
Failure is rarely a conscious decision and it's often out of our control, determined by things like physics and circumstance and other people. What we can always control, however, is our reaction to failure.
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Kevin Hearne |
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743ecbd
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It's not polite to ask if a man has a big salami in his pants, okay?
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humorous
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Kevin Hearne |
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1e6e1d4
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If you've got some hopelessly overmatched heroes fighting evil and some Imperial types marching, John Williams is your guy. You need a song to make people reach for a box of Kleenex, talk to Randy Newman. But if you want creepy atmospherics and spine-shivering chords to back up your casual death threats, you gotta bring in Danny Elfman.
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Kevin Hearne |
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1c69c43
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Pardon me, is this some kind of social experiment? You want me to get a hundred and forty-four Samoans and cram them into your cabin with a case of whiskey?
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Kevin Hearne |
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080dd84
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You killed my father," he snorted in a basso profundo rumble. "Prepare to die!" "Inigo Montoya? Is that you?"
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Kevin Hearne |
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077f8e9
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There are only three things you can do when something falls from the sky,' my archdruid used to say. 'Get out of the way, get underneath some shelter, or give it some reason to change its mind about falling on you.' Then he threw a pissed-off rooster at me.
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Kevin Hearne |
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4258306
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Vestigial remnants of hunter behavior manifests itself as douchebaggery in males when confronted with the emasculating role of modern man, where they are no longer expected to provide food, shelter, or even spiritual guidance for their families but rather stay out of the way until it's time to perform in the bedroom.
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Kevin Hearne |
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a79ef89
|
It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who Do Evil Shit in My Name." "Jesus. I mean, wow. That's the name of one of your files?" "One of my largest, unfortunately. But I have it broken down into subfolders."
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Kevin Hearne |
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f9548f0
|
I think every creature near enough to hear that just pooped" Oberon said, "And then it went into hiding. Hunting tip number one:Stay Silent."
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Kevin Hearne |